Does anyone else have this thing where when White people treat you well, you start thinking better of them. But then you remember the injustice in our world and your sense of empathy for them goes away?

I always talk shit on here, but in real life things are more or less the same for me. I smile, I shake hands, I exchange small talk, and then I go about my business, and yes most of the time with White people. During some of these interactions, if they go particularly well, I start to forget about identity politics and daresay, actually start having a positive perception of White people. I begin to think of them as human, and people capable of kindness and love towards others. Yeah I know, it's crazy. But thankfully, that perception never lasts though, since I always think about the injustices committed against us, and that always leads me to dull my empathy for them. Then I realize that the White person I just had a positive interaction with is probably thinking mad racist thoughts behind my back and probably wants me dead, at that point I'm back to fully hating White people. After all, with some exceptions would I ever be stupid enough to think that the majority of White people think I'm a human being with a right to live, or they as a race are capable of love and kindness? I'll say yes if I want to end up dead somewhere down the line. I go through that cycle many times and really, I guess in general now life for a POC should just be professional and respectful in real life, but keep in mind that the person you're interacting with is holding a dagger behind their back so you should do the same. Some would say this thinking is not particularly healthy, but hey, who said survival was pretty?