"(1) Press (1) for English is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can."
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Well, that's you right-wing Fundamentalist Teabaggers fucked, then. >:D
"(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports.
We will use the 'Walmart' policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'"
So I guess you don't need all that oil from Canada, then. I'd give you lot 6 months; a year tops, before it becomes like "Mad Max" in the US - or you have to admit the 'Commie tree-huggers' were right after all about electric cars.
"(3) When imports are allowed"
Stop right there. What happened to 'NO imports'? And what about oil imports, to keep your precious invalid carriages called 'cars' going? You'd be fucked right from the start, no less. Nope, no hypocrisy on your part, nosiree. [/hyper-sarcasm]
"(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border until Texas residents (not politicians) tell us the situation is under control. (six month tour)"
All retired military personnel? So what about that whole 2nd Amendment thing, re. an armed peoples' militia? With you & your ilk's constant short-stroking it over your so-called 'right to keep and bear arms, why aren't you eager to fill those vital positions yourselves, hmmmmm?! Proof that hypocrisy is hardwired into the DNA of the right-wing. 'Armchair Warriors' the lot of them.
"(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state.
If you or your spouse didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it."
I agree completely. Then piss off a lot of WASP trailer-trash; fellow fundies like yourselves, Ruptured Retards. Who own guns. And isn't that attitude of yours dangerously close to Communism? Haven't thought out your logic properly eh, sparky?
"(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade."
So no fundie ever takes drugs eh, munfudder? Ever? Four words: Ted Faggard. Crystal Meth.
"(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life."
See (5). There's a whole lot of 'professional' wrestlers (read: actors on steroids) losing their jobs, thus a lot of pissed off WWE-wankerboy rednecks a-comin' with guns locked & loaded who'll come a-lookin' for you!
"(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences.
If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc."
The Birmingham Six would like a word with you. They are precisely the reason why the death penalty was scrapped here in the UK, in the early 60s.
"(9) One export will be allowed; Wheat, The world needs to eat.
A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil."
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Oh no more, please Mr. Wilde, I am bereft of ribs! There's a whole agricultural world out there beyond your own borders & little comfort zone, you geographically illiterate Raptard. Oh, and there's more of that right-wing hypocrisy too. You said in (2) 'NO imports'.
Even Cirno (9), the ice fairy in "Touhou" would take one look at you and say 'Look at that baka'.
"(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause."
See Ranpha Franboise, post-(9). With what? You owe $14 trillion.. Still, I hear China's got $1 trillion in cold, hard ca$h, so I guess you could ask them for foreign aid...! >:D
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.
I have no problem with that (emphasis added)...:
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands; one nation indivisible with liberty and justice for all."
US Pledge of Allegiance: 1924 to 1954.
When you see it (or don't, you'll shit bricks.
"(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc."
Yeah. That'll be a great help. See (11). Just as adding the words 'Under God' you thought that could save you from the 'Red Scare', amirite? Meanwhile - and still on the subject of Communism - say hello to your new landlord, Ruptured Retards:
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I for one welcome our new Chinese overlords. Better start learning Mandarin. And Atheism, Ruptured Retards.
Where is your God now?
>:D
(Ah, the ultimate irony: A Communist country beating America at it's own Capitalistic game. Not for nothing do I refer to your previous poster boy of the Religious Right, Teabagger, Neocunt GOP-cocksuckers - George Dumbya Bush - as the God Emperor of Fucking Up. Your current woes are all his fault (way before Obama was elected). And who ultimately voted for Dumbya, RR - twice? You do the maths.