Quote# 85457

What I believe is this: if you masturbate, you will turn into a homosexual, if you aren't one already. If you become a homosexual, it's only a matter of time before you gratify yourself with an animal, and you will catch AIDS and die.

Michael Crook, Michael Crook's Blog 83 Comments [1/3/2012 4:16:01 AM]
Fundie Index: 186

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For the record, I've been masturbating to images of naked women for more than half my life. And I still have no urges to get at it with another man. Sorry!

1/3/2012 4:48:48 AM


I've been doing such for 15 or so years, I still have no attraction to males...I think your "theory" is failing.
Considering straight men are reported more for beastiality, I'd say this part of your "theory" fails too.

1/3/2012 4:54:36 AM

Bill O'R'Lyeh

For the record, according to this theory I should be a flamer by now, but no, still straight. However, I do have to wear bifocals...

1/3/2012 5:00:57 AM


What I believe is this: you have absolutely no knowledge of human biology, whatsoever.

1/3/2012 5:05:47 AM


Excuse me, I need to clean the water from my monitor. It sprayed from my mouth from laughing at this bit of nonsense.


Fundie? Not sure, but it gave me a great chuckle in the morning.

1/3/2012 5:16:51 AM


Well, this certainly deserves my boldest "What the fuck!?"

1/3/2012 5:17:56 AM


if you masturbate, you will turn into a homosexual

So all those tons and tons of cheap pr0n on and off the internet and the millions, if not billions in profits are really only turning the consumers into gays? Good way to destroy ones own market.

If what Michael says is true, 99,999% of males would be gay. They wouldn't make it out of puberty without going gay.

What a brain fart.

1/3/2012 5:18:57 AM

Sentry Gun

What I believe is this: if you masturbate, you will turn into a platypus, if you aren't one already. If you become a platypus, it's only a matter of time before you gratify yourself with an plant, and you will catch the bird flue and become a duck.

1/3/2012 5:32:56 AM

Percy Q. Shunn

1/3/2012 5:33:04 AM


Just because you started having those funny feelings towards guys after puberty doesn't mean that everyone does.

It just means that you are attracted to men and animals.

1/3/2012 5:46:52 AM

Being the high number of people who masturbate, it´s a wonder that humanity stands by.

1/3/2012 6:00:52 AM

Mister Spak

You can get AIDS from yourself by masturbating?

1/3/2012 6:09:04 AM


Michael Crook is nothing but a troll. I'd be shocked if he meant anything he said.

1/3/2012 6:09:18 AM


"What I believe is this:"

so far, coherent

"if you masturbate, you will turn into a homosexual,"
wrong, and/or non-sequitur

" if you aren't one already."
...have a little more ad-hominem...
" If you become a homosexual, it's only a matter of time before you gratify yourself with an animal, and you will catch AIDS and die. "

yeah, about that... sex, biology, and pretty much everything else doesn't work that way...

1/3/2012 6:17:44 AM


So, if a gay man masturbates to gay porn, does he turn straight?

Mother of God... someone call Ted Haggard!!!

1/3/2012 6:20:56 AM

Raised by Horses

Mr. Crook followed up his bold pronouncement with the following words: "I do not avoid women, Mandrake, but I do deny them my essence."

1/3/2012 6:36:04 AM

Jezebel's Evil Sister

OMG! I'm a homosexual and didn't even know it!

(However, the cats are still safe ... for now.)

1/3/2012 6:41:15 AM

N. De Plume

That is an easily disproved hypothesis. Too bad this guy doesn’t hold with reality.

1/3/2012 6:47:00 AM

Philbert McAdamia

What about the little red hairs growing in the palm of my hand and the blindness? Besides, I've always wondered; if somebody else does it for you, which one goes blind?

1/3/2012 6:48:39 AM


Everybody's pleasured themselves sometime in their lives. Nobody has hair on their palms, not everyone's blind, most people DON'T have AIDS & most find zoophilia disgusting.

Also, AIDS is a virus, you can't get it from Ms. Palmer spanking a cute tailed primate while strangling poultry.

You, however, are an idiot!

1/3/2012 6:49:12 AM


if you're going to use scare tactics at least use something that not every single straight male in the world can easily see as complete bullshit. How you expected to convince people that something they've done hundreds of times with no change will somehow magically make them want gay is beyond me.

1/3/2012 6:53:35 AM


Dear Michael,

Isn't lying a sin in your religion?


1/3/2012 7:13:09 AM


I've been punishing Percy in the palm since about 1967 and I'm still a flaming heterosexual. Guess I'll just have to experiment some more. Strictly to test your hypothesis of course...

1/3/2012 7:16:28 AM


My poe sense is tingling.

No one can be this stupid.

1/3/2012 7:21:26 AM

Doubting Thomas

Hey Michael, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Everybody masturbates or has masturbated at some point in their life. If they say they haven't, they're either lying or so sexually repressed they can't enjoy a simple sexual release and must be afraid of your own sexuality.

I'm no psychologist, but the fact that you believe that if you masturbate it turns you gay either means you're so far into the closet you can't see daylight, or you're one of the totally sexually repressed people afraid of your own sexuality, whatever it may be.

BTW, right after puberty I was beating my dick like it owed me money. Somehow I avoided becoming gay and ended up happily married to a wonderful woman and now have two kids.

1/3/2012 7:25:44 AM

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