Pat Robertson informed viewers today that he once saved a woman “in Africa” who was “watching a tape of ‘The 700 Club’” just as a “group of thugs came into her house and threatened to kill her.”
“While the program I was on the air, I began praying, this is a tape mind you, and the power of God fell so strong that those thugs were literally paralyzed and they began to run from the house they were so terrified because of the power of God on that program, on that tape,” he said.
Robertson was responding to a viewer who asked if his “words of knowledge” about viewers, which he says can heal members of his audience, can work for people watching reruns of the show.
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....Does this fantastical yarn involve unicorns & Darth Vader in lederhosen, too?
And is The 700 Club even broadcast in African countries?
Heck, two can play at this game....
OMYGARSH! A horde of hungry undead have descended upon some guy in Europe...like five minutes ago! My Incredible Spuki-Senses told me this! I yelled "BEGONE" and the Revenant Menace all melted like the late, great Margaret Hamilton in The Wizard Of Oz!
I've just proclaimed this by the Divine Powers of PRINCESS CELESTIA, therefore IT MUST BE TRUUUUUEEEE!!!
It must be nice relieving that White Man's Burden from time to time, eh, Pat?
Yeah, lemme file this under That Never Happened, Shit.
Give him SOME credit, though: at least he realizes that Africans can have VCRs and DVD-players just like real people do.
That's interesting, because when I was in Africa helping to feed starving children a lion broke into the orphanage and I had to kill it with my bare hands. Angelina Jolie, who was also helping there, was so impressed that she presented herself to me naked that night but seeing as how Brad's my best mate I had to gently turn her down.
While the program I was on the air, I began praying[]
Rumor has it Brother Pat can take a leak in Los Angeles, pray, and toilets will start flushing in Chicago.
True story!
This may represent a revolutionary breakthrough in prayer technology. People don't actually need to b praying for the power of prayer to be effective. You can just record a prayer on a VCR and play it back to release to full power of God's grace and glory.
We can now automate Christianity.
those thugs were literally paralyzed and they began to run from the house
Uh . . .
... can work for people watching reruns of the show.
Every time they re-run that episode, paralyzed thugs run from whatever evil they are doing, all over the world.
Naw, maybe just Africa.
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Well, if I walked in on someone watching The 700 Club I would be struck with a strong feeling of disgust and I'd want to leave as quickly as possible. So Pat Robertson causing people to flee a domicile is entirely plausible.
Really, someone asked if Pat's "healing powers" can work if one is watching a rerun? They really put thought into this? Well no wonder he's still on the air. He has an army of idiot viewers.
A woman in Africa? Can't you be a little bit less specific, please? Africa has one billion people and 55 countries, after all.
If you have this much power, why not use it to end poverty and famine and find a cure for cancer, AIDS and Ebola?
Tip of the bullshitberg when it comes to Robertsons miracle claims. On top of lying heavily he also likes to talk about how Atheists and Obama has so very very arrogant and think of themselves as Godlike.
Also, anyone whose a regular listener: So much for your "we don't worship men" claim.
Yeeeeeaaaaaah. See, Pat knows how to effectively lie. You say that it happened in some far away place where nobody's ever going to check it out. If he said it happened in Bumblefuck, Indiana, then that would be easy for someone to check out and debunk. But keeping the location vague and on another continent keeps the naysayers from proving you wrong.
You've heard of the phrase 'Video or it didn't happen', Patty-boy?
Even 3G networks exist in Africa. One word: Smartphones .
...or even just a tape will do. [/Doug Piranha-levels of sarcasm]
@Mech610
'those thugs were literally paralyzed and they began to run from the house '
"Please explain how a paralyzed person can run."
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Bravo. Argument Annihilation at it's most lethal .
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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