[We legally recognise gays. Gays can have a gay marriage here in Britain, there are gay nightclubs all over Britain and the British public are tolerant of homosexuals. Why is it that we don't get these earthquakes? Are we special?]
"Why is it that we don't get these earthquakes yet?"
the element of surprise in the divine punishment is the most amusing
98 comments
God's been trying, but his efforts have been stymied by the lack of fault lines around Britain. Same goes in Canada and much of Europe, really.
It's really his fault for choosing to be a monotheism. As a Sky Pixie, Earth is obviously the element he is least effective with. If he'd had a polytheistic system, then another god could have done it.
Once more, god's lack of forethought screws him over.
Something like the Pharaoh's curse that took 50 years to kick in.
I don't know if England will ever have an earthquake, but if it does it will be because of movements in the earths crust, nothing to do with any god.
@ Fanatic-Templar
How about relentless, icy rain and thick fog? That could be the divine punishment, couldn't it? When we were in London, it used to happen all the time and I always thought it was divine punishment for unspecified and really vague sins by an incredibly malicious deity.
Of course it's really just climate and weather patterns but it's no fun to think rationally when you're struggling with a recalcitrant umbrella and freezing your soggy butt off.
Ah, so you admit your god is a sicko mass-murdering sadist that gets pleasure out of inflicting pain and misery on people? You do realize that IF your god were to put England to the earthquake test, the "faithful" such as yourself would also suffer and die?
A real knee-slapper, that...all those cute little innocent Muslim babies dying along side those depraved homos. Sick sense of humour your god has. And you, too, if you also take amusement from such an event.
Why does Iran,Syria, Turkey, Pakistan, Indonesia have the most earthquakes with the highest death tolls, is that because the boys and men are getting off with each other at every chance?
We all know god is gay, he never married, and he's often called the grand designer, and we all know who makes the best designers.
Actually we do get earthquakes in Britain. Certainly around the Isle of Skye. They're so minor they're barely noticeable, though, which makes it a pretty strange form of divine punishment -- especially since the Isle of Skye is probably one of the most devout Christian areas in the country.
Same question with Holland and all European countries, because we don't have a a big tectonic fall. Sorry, natural phenomena is..........natural. Or are you saying that Pakistan is more tolerant of gays than France, for example?
Does this mean God blew up the Buncefield oil refinery?
I mean, that massive shockwave was probably the closest thing we've had to an earthquake, given the lack of tectonic plates.
You just KNOW God's pissed when he wakes you up and makes you feel a slight wobbling sensation at two in the morning.
we do get earthquakes here in Britain, we've had them in Birmingham.
Maybe God's dyslexic.. he thinks he's aiming for Brighton
Actually, given the way the OT god works, England will first get rid of all the gays, and THEN god will punish them with an earthquake.
Surprise!
If anything your god is a bit blind, or needs a new street map. Remember that freaky mini tornado that hit London two years ago? It managed to hit one street only, arguably one of the freakier "acts of god". But instead of striking slap bang in the centre of one of Europe's biggest gay villages it hit a completely unremarkable residential district in North London... 5.5 miles away . If that's how good your god's aim is, I'd suggest he better step away from those dials until he's had his eyes examined.
The element of surprise is owing to god's notorious piss-poor aim, like that time when he zapped the 9th ward of New Orleans where the poor black folk lived but left the French Quarter, the legendary center of depravity, relatively unscathed.
But, I wouldn't say it is amusing. (Of course, I'm not a sadist.)
The last time there was an earthquake in Britain, it only managed to wake a few late sleepers and damage a pottery figure.
Mind you, it was a particularly ugly pottery figure. So perhaps God is less mad at gays than he is at people with appallingly bad taste.
"the element of surprise in the divine punishment is the most amusing"
Yeah I just have to laugh whenever I see natural disasters on the news. God is such a prankster. "Let's see who believes in me now! I'm killing me etc."
Birthday parties must be a pain in Heaven, if this is how God surprises people.
"SURRRR-PRISSSSE!" *Lightning bolt*
"Oh fuck i'm on fire! Help! Help!"
--------
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY" *Swarm of Locusts*
"AAAAAAARGH! They're eating my wings!"
--------
"MANY HAPPY RETURNS!" *Avalanche*
"My mansion!"
God just hits random areas with floods, tornadoes, earthquakes and volcanoes to make it harder for people to believe in Him. That way, when someone believes anyway, they must be especially devout.
Theory A: 2 tectonic plates push against each other shift under multi-billion tons of strain and the resulting shockwaves spread out in circles decreasing in intesity from the epicentre...
Theory B: An anthropomorphicisation of superstition and ancient ignorance, in a towering fit of psychotic rage causes 2 tectonic plates pushing against each other to shift under multi-billion tons of strain and the resulting shockwaves spread out in circles decreasing in intesity from the epicentre, randomly and arbitrarily wreaking havoc against completely unrelated targets - particularly against the poor, underprivaleged, very old, very young, handicapped, weak, feeble or very, very, unlucky in 'divine' retribution.
Yeh, I see it now...
I'm not a seismologist or anything, but last I checked Britain (like anywhere else) gets about 30-40 small earthquakes every day. The public notices only about 1% of these, and even then these are barely felt.
Maybe God divinely put Britain far away from any fault-lines, or maybe that's just how the Earth's crust molded itself over the liquid hot magma underneath.
Surprise mother-fucker, I didn't fall asleep in 4th grade science class.
No, no, no, no. It's a demarkation thing, as people of (largely) norse ancestry then earthquakes are Loki's job...
Our cheif weapon is surprise and guile,, our two chief weapons are surprise, guile and an almost fanatical devotion to the pope aw hell, bring out...wait for it!...the comfy chair!
So God, rather than making it clear what his punishment is for, aside from a bunch of howler monkeys screeching bible verses, prefers to use vague, sporadic phenomena?
Fuck, has he not heard of Fedex? Much faster, much more reliable.
Hi, just a random person trying to find out what the heck just happened here. I live in England, Leeds and I do believe I just had an Earthquake here. 5 others have confirmed feeling some kind of tremour, 2 in leeds, 2 in Wales and the other I'm honestly not sure where lives right now.
Wish us luck.
Edit: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/7266136.stm
I found this site by searching for "Earthquake England" in the last 24 hours. I have no idea about the topic and really shouldn't have stuck my nose in.
To be 'politically correct' it was an Earth Tremor, not an Earthquake.
FYI
we had our biggest earthquake in the UK early this morning (27th Feb) - 5.2 Richter - epicentred on Market Rasen, a hell-hole of vice (NOT)
I think it's just the old country settling. (The UK has a North/South tilt where the glaciers pushed down Scotland. The south coast is sinking and Scotland is rising)
Yep, we're all absolutely terrified of the punishment we received last night. If God can wipe out Sodom and Gomorrah, we should all take note of the many casualties last night's divine intervention so it doesn't happen to us!
Oh wait, this just in, one man hurt his leg, and that's about it.
God clearly isn't that angry about the gays.
@ Goosey
The injury count is up to 2 i think, both due to collapsed chimneys (1 broken leg and 1 fractured pelvis).
Perhaps it's god's way of making things easier for santa?
About Market Rasen's only claim to fame is that it has one of the North of England's major horse-racing venues and supplies most of our home-grown onions and shallots.
It's also a bit of a tourist destination for those retired folk who like to golf a bit, visit historic sites or browse through antique and second-hand book shops.
Apparently these silver-haired perverts have also been engaging in hot, gay shag-parties on the sly (they don't put that in the brochures). It's a wonder they don't put their hips out!
No worries Mr. Smith, though I don't know which comment you're apologising for since a few are nameless and I see none from you after I made my post.
My blog post about the earthquake:
God Strikes Again!
A rather crappy earthquake that occured in Britain last night has been linked with the omnipotent deity of all, God. Religious leaders have speculated that God sent the earthquake as a punishment for Britain's legalisation of same-sex civil unions. "God is annoyed at Britain's tolerance for the sodomites," said one religious preacher, "and I just know that this was a punishment. Yes, I know same sex civil perversions were legalised in 2004, but sometimes it takes God a while to catch up on current events, being as he's got to keep an eye on the whole world 'n' all."
*British National[istic] Party, for any non-Brits who don't know what I'm on about.
http://passionateskeptic.blogspot.com/2008/02/god-strikes-again.html
"the element of surprise in the divine punishment is the most amusing"
"god works in mysterious ways"
"we are not as smart as god, so we can't comprehend his reasons!"
etc. etc. etc.
All of this translates into: "I can't think of an answer, so I'm gonna come up with a vague reply and hope it'll get them off my back."
don't go around and joke bout being a gay...
>,<
God loves everyone no matter who u are~! remember tat always!
You're not that spacial. Massachusetts and Connecticut, in NEW England have same-sex marriage and no disasters, also because of no faults. Noreasters every winter, hurricanes are an occasional problem, and a few tornadoes each summer, mostly in the interior. Worcester County is our Tornado Alley, but no major disasters to speak of. Nothing *divine.*
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.
