Ann, perhaps you understand my overall perspective here quite well. Men give to women, women do not give to men. This is a fundamental aspect of gender relations under patriarchy. This is a fundamental aspect of gender relations in general. Now this is not true 100% of course but it is true in general; what men give to women in a practical direct sense is much more than what women give to men in a practical direct sense. This is exactly the way it should be by the way. To expect women to give to men equal to what men give to women is very abusive towards women and destroys women’s ability to contribute to society effectively and hurts children most of all. This imbalance between the genders furthermore is exactly what makes patriarchy necessary for relations between men and women to work well and by extension makes patriarchy necessary for society to work well overall.

Definitely marriage is not “mutual self-giving” as you refer to it. Marriage is idealistic and about sacrifice on behalf of the other. Marriage is mutual generosity, not mutual selfishness. Marriage is mutually beneficial at the emotional and spiritual level but a man is not going to make a financial profit off of marriage, practical benefit to himself is not the point of marriage for the man. A woman very definitely should expect to receive practical benefit from marriage but for the man on strictly selfish terms marriage represents a financial loss. A woman costs money; that is just a plain fact.