Since this place is full of screeching incels, I'm going to leave some FDS wisdom for the ladies: Always judge men by their physical appearance, regardless of the context.

You need to stop trying to divine a moid's niceness from his subjective level of femininity or masculinity. Femininity and masculinity are mystifications, they're not real. there are only femaleness (expensive gametes, internal gestation) and maleness (cheap gametes, needs a host to reproduce). the human male is a particularly vicious and highly specialized sexual endoparasite. that is his only directive and the core of his psyche - everything he thinks and feels, how he sees the world, is rooted in it. "abuser soft boys" shouldn't shock you any more than queer feminist girlcock rapists do, they're simply an adaptation to achieve the same end a bara roidpig or a right wing chud would pursue - infect your soma to 3d print more of his germline (or engage in other male typical/parasitic sexual behaviors even if they're areproductive).

This is another reason why nothing beyond looks and utility should ever be a consideration in female mate choice, and god help you if you sacrifice any of that for an assumption that you're getting a "gentle soul". the "good", "selfless" male personality you are envisioning biologically cannot occur in something that evolved to divert your body's resources from self-maintenance and other reproductive effort to providing for his offspring exclusively - in simple terms, cause you harm for his own self-perpetuation.