A few months ago I felt led to put together a "post rapture file" for my unsaved loved ones which is on my computer. My daughter knows that if she doesn't come to Christ before we go that she is to get this file and share it with everyone. I'm working on a list of names and contact info to put in the file. Anyway, today I just felt very strongly that not only should I remind her of it, but to witness to her for the 1000th time and give her complete instructions on what to do as soon as we are gone. I even went so far as to tell her as soon as we are gone that she is to go to a house that belongs to a friend since he will be gone too. It is WAY off the grid. I'm going to talk to him about it tomorrow and get directions. He loves Tiffany like his own granddaughter so I know it will be fine since all of his loved ones are going too.
I gave her the pin # to my atm and credit cards. I told her to make sure that she plants as big a garden as she can and learn to can food. Not to worry about the kids because they will be with Nana. I'm putting instructions in the file about how to start the generator, where her Daddy's guns are and how to load them, where the spare car and truck keys are, etc., etc., etc.
144 comments
Damn, I wish my parents gave me their pin number when i was little....but they're not dumbasses waiting for some invisible force to take every fundie away....hell I'm rapture ready, take away all the fundies
Damn, I wish my parents gave me their pin number when i was little....but they're not dumbasses waiting for some invisible force to take every fundie away....hell I'm rapture ready, take away all the fundies
I am assuming her daughter is old enough to have kids, cause I think the poster is Nana...
I'm sorry but you gave her your PIN number. I would so use it right now.
The sheer mind-boggling arrogance of these... I hesitate to use the word 'people'... so blindly, unthinkingly certain they'd be taken, with no evidence whatsoever that such could remotely be the case...
Not to mention what a wonderful thing to inflict on your children. Bastards. Utterly self-deluded self-righteous bastards . And yes, I know that isn't a strong enough term. I haven't yet come up with a word strong enough to express my complete loathing of these creatures.
I bet she can't wait for you to go.
Actually, I lie. I suppose she's really irritated, but would miss you if you did go. But of course, you won't go, so she's mainly irritated.
From the thread:
@CGTech
Lol?!? O_o
Yes, yes. You're going to fly away into the sky with all the people you agree with, and you'll look down and see fire and demons and stuff tearing apart those other people. Yes, I know I will be one of those people. Yes, I know it's going to happen really soon...now about that PIN number...
You know, it's strange. I have a good relationship with my parents, and they would never give me their ATM pin numbers. Not out of distrust, but because it's a really stupid thing to do .
P.S. The Rapture is bullshit, and this poster is a jackoff.
A glimpse into the short-term future
"I've got full access to his checking and savings account, the only two credit cards that WEREN'T maxed, his guns, and the keys to some dude I never met's place. Won't even know they're missing till next week, he's off to some "rapture preparation" thing with a whole bunch of other loonies waiting for the gawd saucers.
... You guys bringing the booze right?"
"Anyway, today I just felt very strongly that not only should I remind her of it, but to witness to her for the 1000th time and give her complete instructions on what to do as soon as we are gone."
At what point does this bullshit become child abuse?
What a rotten trip to lay on a kid: we are all going to heaven, but you will be left behind because you don't believe my bullshit.
This is sick, selfish, narracistic crap and not the utterings of a person who presumes to be a responsible parent.
It's already made? Good, now it's time to radically alter the file and have their parents "raptured." I don't know which would be more shocking, though: an eloquent defense of reason, or childish insults directed at their mother accompanied by crude phallic drawings. The latter may be more accessible to their weak minds, but crediting them with as much as a middle-school mentality may be overly generous.
Holy fucking shit...this guy is a fucking nutbag. As I was reading this, my mouth was slowly gaping towards the floor. I bet his daughter can't wait to get the fuck out of that house. And take the credit cards, vehicles, and guns with her.
She'll drive to go buy cocaine and then kill herself, all with daddy's stuff, and they will blame video games for making her that way. Nice job assholes.
Dude, if you seriously believe in Rapture and people being Left Behind, you'll also believe that TEH SAYTUN is going to rule the Earth for 1,000 years. So, the guns, money, and house will help your daughter how?
And, wait, wait... you put instructions for starting the power generator on a file on your computer?
...
Even assuming some world-shattering catastrophe occurs, where the information you've provided could be useful - and in that case, money would be useful as a source of fuel only - she wouldn't have access to it, now, would she?
You know what would be great fun to do if you know you live near one of these screwballs?
Next time you go to move, or better yet, when you go on a vacation, go buy a cheap digital player and hide it somewhere near your house, programmed with some sort of high school trumpet session. Set it to go off 5 or 10 minutes after you leave at full volume, to make sure they hear it, but only last for a couple minutes so they might not find it.
Really piss them right off, when they think the rapture has come and they were left behind.
OR, plan B: set up a Fake Rapture Society, and make a planned event across your city where unseen trumpets will just suddenly start playing for a few minutes and watch the morons scurry like the mice they are. :D
Silverstar: Where do I sign up for the Fake Rapture society?
I realy want to know how the poor lady's daughter is going to react to this. Obviously the young woman in question is not as fundie as her mother, so she's just humoring her mother.
I can imagine a 20-ish woman going, "Sure, mom, I'll do everything you tell me when Jebus comes." Then called the psychiatry.
And, wait, wait... you put instructions for starting the power generator on a file on your computer?
Good call, I didn't spot that one!
Brain_in_a_Jar: It comes from years of tech support experience.
The first rule of Tech Support is "Never ask your customer if the computer is plugged in. They will answer 'yes' without looking. Always ask them to check how securely the computer is plugged in, at both ends . Tell them that sometimes the cord can work loose over time because of the computer being moved, people's feet brushing against the cord and tugging it a tiny bit looser each time. They'll check that."
@BlackWolfe: Good call! I missed that too. Sometimes the punchlines just keep going...
BHN, keep needling your daughter for another 1000 times and maybe she'll find daddy's guns and 'rapture' your ass herself!
Wait... if you're all gone, why should she move to another person's house, exactly?
You know, I'm reminded of a quote from Terry Pratchet and Neil Gaiman's Good Omens .
...who has time to go round picking people out and popping them up in the air to sneer at the people dying of radiation sickness on the parched and burning earth below them? If that's your idea of a morally acceptable time, I might add.
And, wait, wait... you put instructions for starting the power generator on a file on your computer?
Good call, I didn't spot that one!
Don't worry, everyone knows that the energy companies are pure evil!
Anonymous Coward
CGTech wrote:
Screenshot that, see if you can get a post date in the imeage, and sign up & post it on RR 6 months from now.
"In other news, a man was found shot to death today with his own firearm. In addition to his murder, all of his money seems to have been withdrawn from the bank and his truck has been stolen. The only clues in this case were the words 'Rapture' written on the walls in blood".
Luckily, the daughter is also ,though unwittingly, being prepared to survive the coming zombie apocalypse.
MK: The whole house laughed and I got to feel famous.
Gee, I hope that wasn't my fifteen minutes. I'm planning a webcomic, after all, and that would suck. ;)
IFBaptist Girl: No you won't. If you really were praying, you'd be praying , not sanctimoniously telling us so. I have no personal beef with Christianity or Christians in general - just people preaching from ignorance.
I am currently praying that Eris Esoteric blesses you with joy and humor, and you won't even have to believe in Her.
Wow, and I thought teh masses were losing their minds over Y2K. Yeah, whatever. I love seeing people running around like headless poultry; it makes for some rather amusing entertainment. But I what I would love even more is seeing the look of crushing disappointment when they realize THERE IS NO RAPTURE! Bwahahahaha!
If Tiffany is smart (and let's hope she is, seeing who her parents are) she'll continue doing what she's doing and not lose her mind over this silliness (unlike her parents).
I just read all of BHN's post. Yes, yes, AFTER my original comment. Anywho, I have a question: why couldn't she let Tiffany live in HER house? I mean, hell, she ain't gonna be there right? Stingy ass bitch. Oh, and I don't think people need to pray and drive; at least not at the same time. She could've killed someone in the process of practicing her religion.
In the last paragraph of her post she stated, "I know that we are not supposed to go by our feelings, but they are just so over whelming right now." So what are you saying? That feelings are bad and that we shouldn't have them? Aren't we supposed to be in touch with our emotions to be mentally healthy? Hmm....
IFBaptistGirl: I prefer the Light of Edison. It's real, your magical boyfriend is not.
I think the thing about the friend's house is that it's secluded (way off the grid). Who knew that taking away the 1,400 or so people that are supposedly going to actually make it to Heabbum would make so much difference. I for one plan to act like nothing has happened, since it won't.
BHN: You wanna live your life like a paranoid jerk? A solar flare that could burn the earth to a cinder could happen at any second! Then you're screwed like all the rest of us. No four horsies, no Angels-on-Crack, I mean, On High, No Debbuls, just the three-second sizzle of your corn-fed ass. Try not to think about it.
Bert:
My guess would be that it's because nobody likes to dance in a waist-high pile of shit, even with sewer worker boots, but I'm not in or from the US...
Mister Spak:
You mean she isn't already doing it?
Somehow, in my mind's eye I could see the note:
"I've been carried off to Heaven so you're going to be on your own for awhile. There's a meatloaf in the refrigerator, and the Betty Crocker cookbook is on the shelf next to the kitchen table.
"I'm leaving $50 for you to get some groceries. You're going to have to make it last, because I'm not quite sure when Jesus is coming back and it's still two weeks before Daddy gets his paycheck.
Love,
Mumsie."
Well, she never actually said that she wasn't concerned about her daughter, so I at least won't call her a total bitch. Maybe she thinks that's there's nothing more she can do if she really has witnessed to her about "1000 times" and it's in God's hands now?
IFCBaptistGirl : I truly do appreciate your concern. I pray that one day you will find the light of a more grounded sense of reason.
Edit : I'm sorry, everyone. Just chiming in again to say:
In fact, later on in her post she says that she "pray for salvation for my daughter and all of my loved ones daily. I truly believe that God told me that she would be saved."
I think that this poor woman doesn't know what else she can do to "help" her daughter.
We all know that the Rapture is complete horse shit, but seriously... wouldn't it be pretty tight if it actually happened? Imagine walking around with a sawed-off shotgun and a chainsaw like Bruce Campbell in Army of Darkness blasting demons and zombies and such, how fucking sweeeet would that be?
IFBaptistGirl: Thanks, but after reading several versions of the Bible (including the notoriously badly-written KJV) cover-to-cover, attending multiple churches, and speaking with many preachers & parishioners, I decided that it didn't seem right for me.
'where her Daddy's guns are and how to load them, where the spare car and truck keys are...'
So she can go shopping, run all the miles off both your vechicles, and possibly kill somebody!
Thats some good parenting right there buddy!
AHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!
Oh, wait, you're serious! Let me laugh even harder!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!
A few months ago I felt led to put together a "post rapture file" for my unsaved loved ones which is on my computer.
"on my computer"
I'm putting instructions in the file about how to start the generator
Thats right folks, they'll have the power to read the file than know how to start the generator to get themselves electricity to light up that plastic jesus figureine.
This morning, my writing partner (a pastor in rural Pennsylvania) told me he's responding to the latest Rapture Scare (this one about some Euro-bureaucrat named Xavier Solana being Old 6-6-6) by planting a small vineyard that will take 10+ years to reach maturity, and advising his congregation to do the same. In this, he follows in the steps of St Augustine and St Ignatius Loyola, who had similar answers to the same question.
Have a future; the <i>Left Behinders</i> don't, and when the future comes to pass, they will find themselves Left Behind (TM).
Making a list of account numbers, passwords, contact information and final instructions is actually a really good idea.
Not necessarily for the Rapture, but because you could be hit by a bus tomorrow and it will make things much easier on your family if they don't have to track everything down.
My grandfather did this; when he passed away, all I had to do was unseal the envelope and follow his instructions. He had the phone numbers of all the agencies I had to contact, all his insurance policy numbers and his bank account info. I was able to get everything settled in just a couple hours and without needing to root around for information.
This morning, my writing partner (a pastor in rural Pennsylvania) told me he's responding to the latest Rapture Scare (this one about some Euro-bureaucrat named Xavier Solana being Old 6-6-6) by planting a small vineyard that will take 10+ years to reach maturity, and advising his congregation to do the same. In this, he follows in the steps of St Augustine and St Ignatius Loyola, who had similar answers to the same question.
Left Behinders don't, and when the future comes to pass, they will find themselves Left Behind (TM).
@Headless Unicorn Guy: this may be among the greatest things I have ever read online, on this site or any other.
sounds as though this one has brainwashed his/her grandchildren ("Not to worry about the kids because they will be with Nana").
And despite the mother escaping the third generation is polluted until the mother can de-program them
"started praying URGENTLY that if it happened at that moment that Tiffany would either cry out to Jesus in time or be able to safely stop the car"
wow, she actually thought through what would happen if the rapture occurred while she was driving with her daughter in the car... "cry out to jesus in time" ....i think she'd be more likely to cry out "AAAAHHHHH!"
Quotes like this always remind me, that extreme fundieness also effects and quite often hurts children. How can a child form a healthy rolemodel in someone, who thinks they're about to be snatched away from this world? I say gay parents would be better! (now whose marriage to take away?)
This is cute, in a naive way. I bet his daughter is just as nice and understanding as she can be with her parents VERY REAL feelings of anxiety..no matter how miss placed.
All together, its a bit spooky to me, and Im glad I have no one like this in my gene pool.
hhehehhehehehh, shes totally going to rob him.
Actually, I find this rather nice in it's insane way. He's at least trying to help his daughter, rather than assuming that if she isn't raptured, she deserves to die and go to hell.
Haha... Awwwwww . I actually thought this one was kinda cute, in a really weird way.
Edit: Oh, looks like Jinx had the same impression lol.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.
