[Acts has been providing "updates" on how many people per day she hands Bibles out to.]
Seven!
One to each of my drivers (2).
Then, we ordered pizza. I put candy in with two Spanish New Testaments. Spanish folk like a hot, salty candy.
24 comments
Forgive me if this is a stupid question, but what exactly did she do here? Who did she offer two Spanish New Testaments and candy to? The pizza delivery guy? And what is this "hot, salty" candy she is referring to?
So when Jesus says to you "Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me." you can answer "But I handed out lots of bibles!"
Try not to stammer when Jesus asks, "And did you ever bother to read on of them?"
Did she just assume the pizza delivery person would be Spanish? Or does she think pizza is Hispanic food or...?
Wait, she gave five bibles to one pizza delivery guy? Why would you-? That still only counts as being a Jesus botherer at one person, not five. Christ.
What is this I don't even....
"Jesus, we've run out of loaves and fishes!"
"Got any chips and salsa?"
I put candy in with two Spanish New Testaments. Spanish folk like a hot, salty candy.
Did she check the nearest trash bin for the two Bibles and the candy wrappers?
I've been giving this some thought, and I think I now know how the engine is switched on.
We all know that the soaring sorcerers of fantasy-land are gonna go Whoosh! er...soon. But how they gonna achieve ignition? Who or what's gonna light their fire?
Well, I think I now know. It's the Slow Burn Method. The touch paper is lit several billion years in advance by being handed a free Bible by someone who's an obvious ectoplasmic expert. Then, it's just a case of retreating to a safe distance, putting your fingers in your ears, and ...wait for it... steady as she goes... actually, er...come back in a few billion years.
PS. I may have over-thought this.
I am very secure about my pizza. You have obviously never tasted pizza if you think mine look bad, and that is very sad for you. You should get a pizza right away so you will have some knowledge of pizza and not sound like a fool when you speak. Again, I would ask you to prove your own pizza making skills if you think you are capable of judging others so harshly. But that would require something well beyond your capabilities. You really should try pizza, it is quite delicious and you won't sound so stupid when you comment.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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