The ten commandments to the letter:
1. You shall have no other gods before Me
2. You shall not make for yourself a carved image--any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth - so stop worshipping your damn books, those are idols.
3. You shall not take the name of the LORD your God in vain - Oh my God, I'm swimmin' in fire.
4. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy - I see so many people going out for meals right after church, what's so holy about that?
5. Honor your father and your mother - in THIS fucked up culture?
6. You shall not murder - more murder in god's name than for all other reasons combined
7. You shall not commit adultery - But what about threesomes, who's cheating on who?
8. You shall not steal - and yet every church in america steals by virtue of tax evasion (legal or not)
9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor - look up any reference to lying for Jesus, you know where I'm goin'
10. You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's - the Amish got this one right. Everyone else that likes to buy shit and have it be nice (because you're [insert relation here] has one), can fuck off.
Situational Ethics:
It doesn't seem like the right thing to do, I suppose I won't do it - prevents murder, theft, adultry (against ugly spouses), and most life-altering lies.
You choose!