[offering advice to children]
Does your mom or dad scream or curse a lot? Just say,
IN THE NAME OF JESUS I BIND UP ALL THE SCREAMING AND CURSING DEMONS IN MY DAD/MOM.
Similar Warfare Prayers can be said for any problem. Remember that you must really be Saved, and your lifestyle should show it.
Are you abused? Look them right in the eye, and out loud say,
IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I BIND UP ALL YOUR DEMONS, AND PUT THEM IN THE BOX.
68 comments
Well, the Demonbusters actually have a point here. I know if I were in a yelling/cussing fight with my spouse, and our hypothetical kid started screaming all this stuff, we'd shut up and wonder what the hell was going on with them, and probably quickly agree that the kid needs to be taken to a psychologist.
See? Problem solved! Thanks, Demonbusters!
A "dad/mom"? Is that like Mr. Mom? I thought fundies were against all that sort of thing.
How about "In the name of Darwin I truss up all your fundism and slam your scripture in a science book."
That's the advice you are giving abused children? Then your just as guilty of abuse as their parents. They need to find another family member, adult or teacher they can trust and get the real help they need.
Someone ought to bind the two of you up and put you in a box.
*All parents get angry at their children at some point. In my case three teenagers 13, 16, 19 I find myself cursing under my breath alot:) No demons here, just normal parent/child angst.
[Are you abused? Look them right in the eye, and out loud say, IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I BIND UP ALL YOUR DEMONS, AND PUT THEM IN THE BOX.]
...and then kiss your ass goodbye.
Bondage, eh?
Ooh, and boxes.
This is getting kinky.
"Does your mom or dad scream or curse a lot? Just say,
IN THE NAME OF JESUS I BIND UP ALL THE SCREAMING AND CURSING DEMONS IN MY DAD/MOM."
And then screaming, cursing mommy or daddy will smack you and continue to scream and curse.
Does your mom or dad scream or curse a lot? Just say,
IN THE NAME OF JESUS I BIND UP ALL THE SCREAMING AND CURSING DEMONS IN MY DAD/MOM.
At which point any normal parent would repeat what my dad told me over 25 years ago: In this house, I AM God!
"Remember that you must really be Saved, and your lifestyle should show it. "
and if your real lucky your Mom/Dad will bust up laughing instead of beating the shit out of you... yah, good plan
If your parents curse and yell a lot do what most Christians do -fingers in ears, lalalala. If your being abused, seek help from someone who is NOT invisible.
Yeah, Cause that'll work
moron
Demons say, "Gonna swallow your soul."
Jesus Demonbuster says, "Swallow this."
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That whole Box bit works really well.
Until the demons realize the Box is just four dumb lines painted on the ground, that is...
Are you abused? Look them right in the eye, and out loud say,
IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I BIND UP ALL YOUR DEMONS, AND PUT THEM IN THE BOX.
Yes, Egging on your abuser is always a good idea, And hey it's a great way to get to see jesus even sooner.
I met a "Christian warlock" once. The guy spoke much like you do and was certifiable, to say the least.
Ever have someone make you literally run out of a coffee shop? That was me.
The demons will go in the BOX or they will get the HOSE again.
Seriously, if you are being abused the best thing is to call the fucking police. Trying to "bind up all their demons", will be useless at best and may make them angrier.
Well of course it's going to silence your parents if you shout that - mine would be fucking confused and bewildered by such a bizarre, random outburst too.
"Does your arse scream or curse a lot? Just say,
IN THE NAME OF JESUS I BIND UP ALL THE BUBBLING AND WINDY GAS IN MY ARSE.
Similar Warfare Prayers can be said for any problem. Remember that you must really be Bloated, and your empty curry tins should show it.
Are you suffering from indigestion? Look at your arse, and out loud say,
IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I EXPEL ALL YOUR GAS, AND PUT IT IN A JAR FOR LATER"
I HAVE A DEMON IN ME! IN THE NAME OF JESUS, DEMON, I TAKE THIS LAXATIVE AND ORDER YOU TO LEAVE IN THE NAME OF THRRRP THRRRP THRRRRRRRRRRRRP. Auuugh God, it was just a fart.
Are you abused? Look them right in the eye, and out loud say,
IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I BIND UP ALL YOUR DEMONS, AND PUT THEM IN THE BOX.
And your going to hell for the death of these children.
In the case of abuse, as mentioned in this passage, shouting "IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I BIND UP ALL YOUR DEMONS, AND PUT THEM IN THE BOX." is just likely to get you beaten even more...
Wait...child abuse?
They're supposed to 'stuff demons into an invisible box' instead of, oh, I don't know...calling CPS? Yes, that'll work OH so well
Look them right in the eye, and out loud say,
Then let the beatings begin.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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