You must create a social circle for your children. It may be limited to just one or two other families who share your world-view, for you can be sure that when a handful of teenagers get together, at least one of them is going to introduce corruption to the others. We never allowed our children to stay overnight with other kids. When they wanted to go down to the local church on Saturday night to skate, Mike went with them. We never allowed them to go to parties unless one of us was there. We created our own fun that was far more exciting than the church gatherings. They never felt they were missing anything
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What about when the child grows up and has to face the real world with ill-adapted social skills? You can't wrap them up in cotton wool forever, ffs, they're teenagers, allow them to make their own decisions!
I understand that it's important for parents to provide guidance and supervision for their children of all ages, however, as a child does grow, one can not treat him the same way you treated your baby. Furthermore, you have to sometimes let the kid stumble in order to figure out how to deal with failure, and if that means a little corruption, so be it, however, hopefully you as a parent will have inculcated enough common sense into this kid so that he won't kill himself.
You should let your kids make their own damn social circles, otherwise they will be hopelessly dependent on other people to make relationships for them (believe me, I know). And you should not be afraid of kids being exposed to other world views, if you trust that you have brainwashed thoroughly enough. Oh, and just because they never felt they were missing anything doesn't mean that you were not depriving them of their social lives, and preventing them from developing fully in that respect.
Not even the church they attend is fundie enough for these people?!
If they don't feel they're missing anything, that may be because you put blinders on them and they don't know that there's anything to miss.
Y'know, the thing about raising children is that you won't always be there. You won't be able to protect them all the time. So when you just keep them locked up and refuse to give them a chance to learn how to defend themselves, you're just setting your kids up for failure.
They're not missing anything?, 88% of the evangelical Christians who leave their faith after going to college apparently do. What do you expect?, are you going to be there when they are fired from their first job?, when they have their first child?, in their honeymoon?...............you can't do all in their behalf.
Absolutely fundy. I suppose they took the lock off the bathroom door too and when one of the kids is using it they make surprise inspections to see if they are masturbating. No bedroom door either, just one of those beaded curtains. And the boys must sleep with their hands outside the covers or they will be beaten with reeds.
[They never felt they were missing anything]
I see two possibilities here.
One is that you're completely wrong--your kids felt like they were missing a hell of a lot, and you were just too out of touch to notice.
The other is that you're right--your kids didn't miss anything--because you kept them so isolated they didn't know what they were missing.
Either way, you're paranoid.
"They never felt they were missing anything "
Oh yeah? I bet they did. And if they didn't, it's probably because you've indoctrinated them into being submissive slaves.
And when the hormones start, watch out for storms on the home front, especially if there's a testosterone primed young man. He'll lie, and he'll challenge everything you hold dear. And then one day he'll walk out the door and never come back.
What unenlightened and stupid people you are. You don't deserve kids.
Btw I grew up in a pretty fundamentalist Christian Church/cult. Many families had views EXACTLY like this. Lemme tell you how it works out: Kids (like me and some of my close friends) who were allowed to mess up, go out on dates, and fart-around grew up to be well-adjusted. Yeah I did things I'm not proud of, but there ya go.
The kids who were never allowed any leeway? who's parents home-schooled them, who weren't allowed to listen to popular music, and were never allowed to even go to a stinking movie with kids their own age? They were the kids raised under the "Spare the Rod, spoil the child" mentality. Their parents repeated the bible verse "Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it" as their mantra. Guess what happened to them?
As soon as they were out on their own the girls became huge sluts, and lacking any real understanding of birth control, naturally got knocked up.
The boys started up the courtship process, BUT not realizing that the vast majority of modern women don't want to be doormats like their mothers, wound up alone, living at home again after college.
One guy joined the Airforce where he fell in love with another airman and they now live together in Colorado Springs. He turned out alright, but the rest of them MY GAWD!
darling, anything is more fun than church.
Oh and by the way, when your kinds spend years out of touch with you, ask yourselfs if they resented anything
You must create a social circle for your children.
It may be limited to just one or two other families who share your world-view, for you can be sure that when a handful of teenagers get together, at least one of them is going to introduce corruption to the others.
We never allowed our children to stay overnight with other kids.
When they wanted to go down to the local church on Saturday night to skate, Mike went with them. We never allowed them to go to parties unless one of us was there.
We created our own fun that was far more exciting than the church gatherings.
They never felt they were missing anything
Wow, just wow. If those kids go anywhere besides Patrick Henry College or Bob Jones University, they will have an awful first two years. In my freshman year at an elite small college, I've seen two kids come from homeschooled, ultra-conservative environments. One got pulled out of school in October after he passed out in the main campus street, and the other is a social pariah who makes racist comments and has two equally awkward friends. I feel so bad for these kids.
We created our own fun that was far more exciting than the church gatherings.
Yep, there's your problem right there. Nothing should ever be more exciting than a church gathering!
Bad fundie parents!
If the Fundie Christian way is so wonderful, life-affriming and joyful, why do they spend so much of their time "protecting" their children from an other influences. If your case is so good, one shouldn't have to worry about one's children being exposed to other views.
Oh great! More from the Pearls of non-wisdom.
If the didn't feel like they were missing anything, it's because you didn't allow them to experience anything other that what YOU approved of. Kids are supposed to rebel, it's part of growing up, pushing boundaries, and gaining confidence.
I'm picturing Elias from Clerks II.
You know what's funny about this? My parents didn't set up a lot of rules for my brother and me in our family...and guess what? We didn't feel the need to "rebel" they way a lot of kids do.
Oh yeah, we did some stupid things...but we both graduated college and stayed out of legal trouble.
Youth group is evil? How fundie do you have to get?
Let me guess, you already have their marriages arranged for them?
I don't see how anything good can come from this situation. I mean, when your church is evil, what the hell else is left?
Check this out from their website under "Who is NGJ?"
No Greater Joy is the ministry of Michael & Debi Pearl under the auspices of No Greater Joy Ministries Inc. Michael has been a pastor, missionary, and evangelist for 40 years. The Pearls have 5 children, all homeschooled. They have grown up to become missionaries and church leaders. Though holding a BS from Crichton College, when Michael is asked for his credentials on child training he points to his five children.
Trovore - #519503
Exactly.
I now have the image in my head of that Mormon episode of South Park, where the Mormon kid is all gung-ho about his family life and they do finger painting and water balloon fights for fun.
When he started singing that rebellious youth song titled "I love my fa-mi-lee!", I doubled over laughing.
"They never felt they were missing anything..."...until they moved out and discovered the opposite sex, music, art, intellectual pursuits outside the Bible, and so forth. I don't know if your children were boys or girls but I would bet a dollar that any girl raised in your home would be either pregnant within six months or doing porn movies with Ron Jeremy and Peter North.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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