Is rape a proper ground for getting a divorce?
Of course not I would never divorce my husband for raping me. If he feels the need to rape me that must mean I'm not having sex with him often enough, and as his wife I'm obligated to have sex with my husband whenever he wishes, so why should I think that divorcing him is merited just because he raped me?
89 comments
Because you are not actually obligated to have sex with your husband when he wishes.
Maybe you would not divorce a husband who rapes you, but others would.
You're a person , whether you are married or not. You have the right to say NO if you don't feel well or simply aren't in the mood. Does he put out for you when he isn't in the mood?
That works both ways. If he takes you anyway, that is rape . You choosing not to protect yourself is another matter entirely, and yet another reason to despise christianity. It makes victims of good people and gives bad ones an excuse to behave like monsters.
And this is what religion does to women.
This is one of the BIG main reasons why women have been put under the bus for thousands of years.
This is why no self respecting women would be religious.
If this is an actual testimony, and not some MRA masturbatory fantasy online identity, this might be the saddest thing I've read on this site. Seriously, get help.
Wow, totally brainwashed.
You can't tell me that she won't eventually get tired of feeling used like a sex toy.
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W-what? This is horrifying! A woman is not the property of her husband, and Ibuki thinks that it's really creepy that anyone could actually get into that mindset!
Just... how do people wind up getting this brainwashed? There's no way any rational human could think this way!
So... what you're saying is that - certainly in your case - it's legitimate ?
Well, after what Todd Akin & Richard Mourdoch said around late-2012 half the electorate realised that what they said was proper grounds to divorce them , vote-wise.
Stockholm Syndrome, or a case of 'Dude Looks Like A Lady'/Poe? You decide...!
This Stockholm Syndrome shit hurts to read.
What these people don't seem to understand is that, even if marital rape weren't a crime, anyone who's worth even being within ten feet of, let alone marrying, would respect their spouse saying no to sex. How can you stand in front of your family and friends and take a vow to always love and cherish the person you're marrying, then turn around and force them to do something they've made perfectly clear they don't want to do right now, simply because you've decided your immediate gratification is more important than them? They read this "you are my property to do with as I see fit" bullshit into marriage vows despite nothing of the sort being in there, and yet ignore the bits about loving and respecting your spouse that is there.
Then again, this site is rife with that sort of thing.
Let's get back to this the day he actually HAS raped you, OK?
Rape merits divorce because he has violated the trust between you; he has put his need above yours, and treated you like an object, a possession. If you're fine with that, you need therapy.
I would not only divorce, but prosecute, if my husband disregarded my feelings that much. But it will probably never be an issue, as he knows that "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar".
Edit. I read about women within Laestadinism in Finland. They are required to be available for sex and childbearing at all times. One woman had had 10 or so pregnancies, none of the kids had come out with their head first, the last five had been C-sections and now she risked her life if she became pregnant again. But the community despise her for using birth control.
This is one serious case of Stockholm Syndrome. I hope a family member or a good friend is looking out for you, because if your husband is abusive, or abuses you in the future, things may spiral with you blaming yourself. Assuiming you're being genuine, of course.
a caring husband would not require you to have sex if you didn't feel like it.
I wouldn't think sex by obligation would be much fun, maybe thats just me.
Welcome to the 5th Century. Remember women, anything your husband says, goes in the bedroom until he decides to sell you... but don't eat pork whatever you do!
Tired of getting punched in the mouth? Get on Hubby's "good" side! Order him a dozen or so "wife beater" A-shirts! They're like T-shirts, but without those pesky sleeves!
Need some "quiet time?" Remember, bathing is optional... but don't complain if he brings home a dose of the clap! He has his needs, after all!
Still too sore from the last rape? Try distracting him with small favors. Shave his back before he asks. After supper, lovingly suck the shreds of meat out from under his fingernails. Get pregnant again! Pretty soon, he'll see you in a whole new light, and he'll take his raping elsewhere.
Just follow a few simple rules, and keep your head down, and you'll do just fine here in the 5th Century.
I stopped reading and pressed WTF?! after "Of course not."
ETA: Wow, it's even worse than I thought. This is apparently a woman. As much as I'm gawking at it, I still pity her. :( Stockholm syndrome is a hell of a mental disorder. I hope this is a Poe.
@Wonder Woman
Not to defend MRAs, given that I think they're generally pretty shitty too, but I'm not sure they had anything to do with this, given that marital rape apologists have existed long before they ever did.
@Moose-sama
His name is Richard Mourdock, but otherwise you are absolutely correct.
'Tis a good thing Joe Donnelly was elected, but Lugar too would've been so much better than Mourdock.
Is rape a proper ground for getting a divorce?
That is proper ground for an ass-beating of epic proportion, a dime in the joint, and then a divorce. The only people who believe otherwise are those conditioned from birth to think of themselves as objects instead of people whose value is solely defined by another and those conditioned to believe they are the ones who get to set that value on other people's lives.
I don't know whether to pity or slap that first category. You all know my opinion of the second.
Eh. If you have no will to fight against your rapist. Then I have no sympathy for you. Stay with him, destroy yourself. We need less people in the world, so once you kill yourself Leva. Realize that nobody will care that you died.
...You poor woman. Who did this to you? Who reduced you from a beautiful, vibrant creature into... this? I hope you get help- and soon. Rape is wrong, no matter the circumstances.
I am truly sorry you could not have married a man who saw you as beautiful.
OLevasque took the contract of matrimony as a property deed on a sex slave, and Gor for reality.
I cannot envision a person forced to live with his rapist and victimiser.
Because he should've asked politely instead of forcing sex on you. You don't do that to someone you love. I'm sure that if someone really loves you, then your psychological comfort and safety are more important than their 15 secs of orgasm. If someone's willing to be that selfish and aggressive when it comes to sex, how would you expect to trust them to want what's in your best interest in other matters?! Do you think that you could force anal sex on your husband by putting a dildo inside of him and expect him not to press charges or leave you? Your reasoning works both ways and, if valid, would mean you could also rape your husband and expect him to stay with you.
So... you'd consent if he tried to rape you, therefore making it not rape?
I mean, this sounds pretty much Stockholm Syndrome except: She would refer to the idea that others should accept it. This reeks of man writing as a woman or a woman with an interest in roughness.
@J.T. You seriously cannot be this fucking stupid!! MRAs have always existed, how do you think the Patriarchy started!!! Sure the name is new, but the ideas have been around for FAR too long. Stop being an MRA apologist and do some research.
@Wonder Woman
Way to get unnecessarily hostile. I never said I agree with MRAs or want to defend them. In fact, I said the exact opposite. They're shit as far as I'm concerned. I said views like this have existed since long before the modern men's rights movement existed. That's all. I didn't realize you were using the term "MRA" as a synonym for "misogynist". Other than that, I agree with pretty much everything you just said.
Saying that there's nothing in the quote to suggest it stems specifically from MRAs qualifies as defending them? 'kay then.
There's a lot of different things that attitudes like the ones expressed in this quote stem from. Take a look around this site - it's a depressingly common belief among Christians. You don't necessarily need to be an MRA to be a misogynist.
Believing you don't have basic human rights, autonomy, or freedom of will?
Textbook case of Stockholm Syndrome, sadly. This is the sort of thing that victims of cults & long-term sexual abuse believe... and it's painful to see.
@ Wonder Woman
Thing about equality: It means equal. Denying anyone a voice is wrong. WF Price, Paul Elam, Theodore Beale and the like, they rant about the status they've lost (or would never have possessed in the first place and need a scapegoat for it) and we don't care because they're nothing more than self concerned jackasses who need someone to lord over just to feel any personal worth. But if you're seriously suggesting that men should not have the same rights and self-determination in daily life based on their gender then you spit on the equality real feminists fight for and are no different from those whining egotists. Male or female, I'll show you exactly the same respect I show any sexist, which is little to none.
@ Wonder Woman
Let me guess, you're not a sexist but a realist that's defending yourself? That tends to be how they justify themselves. You said any group allowing men a voice is misogynist. Not promoting patriarchy, or male dominance/exclusivity in social and economic settings, not undermining or protesting the women's movement in general, but allowing a voice at all. Switch two words and you have the verbatim excuse of every jackass looking to make a second class of citizens to abuse.
So unless that was a very poorly thought out typo on your part then yes, you are a sexist.
@ Wonder Woman
That reasoning is about as solid as saying War On The Horizon can't be racist despite expressing genocidal hatred for whites, Asians, Arabs, and Jews because they're black. Or perhaps you were leaning more towards the idea that men can't be victims because they deserve it? The classic line of reasoning for Theodore Beale and Marjan Siklic whenever something bad happens to women. Why not bother them? You'll have so much in common like insisting you're the one true victim, and claiming every problem in the world is somehow the other person's fault, and of course trying to redefine words (like sexism) every time you're called out on being everything you just accused them of.
You wish to diminish the rights of others and create a sub-class to whom you consider yourself categorically superior and can dump the blame for whatever failings and misfortune you experience upon. Being a woman doesn't change the fact you are a shameless bigot any more than being the Queen of England, The Dalai Lama, or the Secretary General of the UN would if they suddenly decided to rob you of your rights based on your race, gender, or sexual orientation.
My growing disgust for you would not prevent me from standing up for your rights in such an event, despite how easily you'd justify to yourself anybody else losing theirs. Keep telling yourself that I'm the real monster and in denial. I'm sure eventually it will stop sounding like the weak excuse for your hypocrisy that it is and you can dive directly into the blissful world of utter delusion inhabited by the worst of MRA groups without that pesky need to justify yourself ever again.
@Passerby It is not that I want to create a society with men as second class citizens, I want a society without men. Technology is reaching the point where we can artificially create semen and that will us to breed you out of existence. The very fact that you do not understand what I am saying shows how much you love your power and don't want to give it up and is prove enough that men will never stop being misogynists.
Good Day!!
You're not sexist, you're genocidal and actively looking to line people up against a wall? Yeah, that's much better. Totally not reducing the value of a group of people's lives in comparison to your own. Great comeback. You really don't see how immensely stupid and blatantly two-faced it is to complain about misogyny when you admit point blank you're out to wipe people off the face of the earth for being born male do you? You're a hilarious one to speak of love of power. The only power I claim is over my own life and actions, which I promote equally for women. You want to determine my fate for me and actually encourage an antagonistic gender divide, the very thing you wish to blame men for.
Way to completely embrace the comparison to War On The Horizon and CAAMIB. Their persistent delusions of enemies on all sides have driven them to make real enemies out of entire populations, neutral parties, formerly sympathetic individuals, and even their former friends. Their aggressive victim complexes and overwhelming pre-emptive offense is exactly the source of most of the things they accuse others of inflicting on them. I should hope you realize how badly you've failed at claiming the moral high ground.
Or perhaps you're having a laugh? After dealing with some of the worst scum humanity has to offer I can never tell anymore. Some people just really are that demented.
Wonder Woman: Everything Passerby has said to you is 100% correct. You're so mired in your philosophy (if it can even be called that), that you can't see how closely you've mirrored the rantings of the anti-woman MRA types.
I've been a Feminist for a long time, but that means I expect equality. A world in which my husband and sons would be exterminated (as per your twisted notions), is far from equal.
Feminism was never about superiority. It was about equality , and still is. You clearly don't understand that. People like yourself undermine the struggle and give Feminism a bad name.
You're an extremist
Until you understand that, you're little more than a misinformed, misandrist twunt yearning for an apocalypse that will never happen. Instead of wishing for a destroyed world, focus on fixing what is broken.
Grow up. People need each other. Both man and woman.
> I'm ssseriousssly ssstarting to reconsssider my "nobody dessservesss rape" policy.
@Wonder Woman, or @OLevasque? Because the latter deserves therapy, and the former is just a troll.
Rape is proper ground for getting a divorce, yes. The rapist has committed one of the worst crimes, against someone s/he supposedly care for. That's about as low as you can possibly sink.
Rape is not about sex, it's about power and dominance. As your husband, he is obliged to have sex with you whenever you wish, too. Or, ya know, not. You are obliged to respect each other.
J.T You are right, you just have to be a man. MRAs and any group that advocates allowing men a voice are by definition misogynist.
Not allowing men a voice is by definition misandrist, and sexist.
I'm with Passerby and KittyKaboom. You're the one who's so wrong, it's not just not funny, it's outright scary. You're an extremist, not a feminist. Feminism is the idea that women are people too. Note the "too" at the end there. Most feminists (men and women) have fathers, husbands, brothers, sons, uncles, nephews, friends and colleagues who are men and whom they love and want to keep alive.
@Swede : This reminds me of a question I've had in mind for a while now: If rape WAS about sex, how would it look different from the "rape as power" that we see now?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not disagreeing about rape being about power. I'm just wondering, IF it was about sex, how would it be different?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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