What do you think Satan likes to see people do the most?
Answer : Be homosexual, masturbate, listen to black metal, not attend church.
106 comments
I would have thought rape, murder, and the destruction of society. Are you sure you're not thinking of Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light?
Metal? What do you guys always have against metal? If you really want "negative" or violent music, listen to "gangsta" rap. At least metal usually has a point to make. Rap is just "I've got a $500,000 car, I've got a $20 million plane, I've got a $20 million house..."
Plus about 99% of the other potential human experiences.
On the same token, god really really likes blood sacrifices.
So drinking, doing drugs, killing, having debauched sex and listening to heavy metal is fine, then? I'm het, so 3 out of 4 'ain't bad.
In fundie land, the good things are all god's doing. The bad things, or perceived bad things, are all satan's doing.
How does it feel to live a life free of responsibility?
"Answer : Be homosexual, masturbate, listen to black metal, not attend church."
Damn. I'm only half way there. And I thought me and Ol' Scratch were gonna be bestest buds.
So Satan watches you masturbate, same as Jesus? I guess, being forces beyond time and space, they can both foresee every time you're gonna do it, and make sure the family TV is free that night.
Well, then.
I thought it was "sin in general." But apparently, being gay, pleasing oneself, listening to good music, and having something more important to do on Sundays (like work!) is the worst shit of all.
It seems that I'm Satan O_o
It just makes me happy to see people holding hands in public and kissing, no matter their sex or sexuality. (Whatever they do in their bedrooms is none of my business unless I'm there too)
I know that alcohol wasn't on that list, but rift3r can't just know everything about me ;)
so, issues such as greed, cruelty (etc, etc) don't appear on his radar.
WHAT THE FUCK! Fundies have the weirdest sense of priorities!
Damn, Satan must love me - sometimes whilst not attending church I like to masturbate while listenign to metal!
Is it wrong that I know have to urge to masturbate, listening to metal IN church?
What, not even a little bit of rape, theft and murder?
Well, I suppose it is consistent with god's word: he has actually condoned the above big three repeatedly and en masse according to the bible, despite forbidding them elsewhere, but he apparently never once softened on homosexuality, masturbation (if you will insist on misinterpreting Onan that way), mixing with cultures not consistent with ancient Israel and sabbath-breaking. There's a god with a good set of priorities.
@ Tomby Stone:
"Phil, Prince of Insufficient Light" was a minor character in "Dilbert."
2.5 out of 4. Working on it, yo.
And is your version of Satan some kind of lame joke or what? Black metal? Listening to the fabulous Neil Sedaka is guaranteed to shrivel your soul to a coal-black lump.
Let's see:
- masturbation and not attending church: I clearly qualify, and sometime masturbate on sunday mornings for bonus heathen points.
- black metal: I must have a few black metal mp3 in a corner of my hard drive, but it isn't my favourite genre, or even my favourite metal subgenre. I prefer more classic metal like Manowar.
- homosexuality: well, I'm primarily hetero (and a serial virgin), but I tend to be pretty open-minded when it comes to sex and kinks; is the occasional bi/trans-curious thought enough to qualify? My Sunday masturbations sometimes include shemale pr0n, if that helps.
Where does that put me? 2/4? 2.5/4? 3/4?
I think Satan likes people giving out Chick Tracts (or whatever they are called), and promote "sharia" laws (i.e. religous laws, regardless of religion). Nothing will probably turn normal Christians away from religion more effectively, than being shown what stupidites and atrocities can be done in its name.
And yet not one of those things really matters.
How about misery, starvation, hopelessness, sickness and death? Murder, thevery and lies? Any of those or still just the different sexuality, different music, touching oneself and not playing your silly Sunday games?
Perspective fail.
Or bearing in mind the order of the commandments, killing, stealing, raping and not observing the Sabbath.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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