More importantly, how does Jesus feel about Star Wars?
71 comments
Since he's in Heaven, watching how idiots like you wait for him to do them and favour and coddle them instead of helping their fellowmen and brothers and sisters, I think he's not particularly interested in such earthly and irrelevant questions.
'Does Jesus sit in a lonely place waiting for me to have time for Him?'
Jesus is apparently the same as a attention-needing girlfriend. "You're watching Star Wars again? But babe, you said you'd spend time with me."
I always have to tell our lord that he really needs to make an effort to make some friends apart from mine. Maybe a job or something to get him out of the house. Plus, he is getting fat.
I don't know what I saw in him in the first place, but I guess when you've been with someone so long it is hard to change. His dad is such an violent asshole so I kind of feel sorry for him.
"Does Jesus sit in a lonely place waiting for me to have time for Him? "
According to you people, Jesus is God. God is omnipresent (all places at all times), so no.
Also, he's supposedly omnicient (knows everything that has happened, is happening and will happen, all at once), so already knows exactly how every movie ever made (past and future) goes and ends.
Further, he's omnipotent (all powerful, able to do anything), so if he actually WANTED to spend time with you, you wouldn't be able to prevent it.
Oh, just get over yourself! I'm sure God, Jr. isn't pining away waiting for you to ease his cosmic loneliness. Heck, all I've seen from you is seven sentences and that's enough to convince me that I wouldn't want to waste another second in your company.
"More importantly, how does Jesus feel about Star Wars?"
More importantly ? More importantly than what, whether or not he likes chunky or smooth peanut butter?
"Will He mimic a light saber duel with me or sit down and watch the upcoming television show?"
Oh. My. God.
I guess when you suppress all sexual instinct and disallow any sexual fantasy this is the kind of shit you fantasize about instead...
"Does Jesus sit in a lonely place waiting for me to have time for Him?"
You've got one hell of an ego, don't ya? You really think that god himself is going to have nothing better to do that sit on his ass waiting for you to "have time for him"? Ha!
Did anyone cry when Padme died?
"More importantly, how does Jesus feel about Star Wars?"
Fundy or not, that is a tremendous sentence.
Does Jesus sit in a lonely place waiting for me to have time for Him?
Yeah, Jesus is sitting in a dark living room, right next to the phone, waiting for you to call. Be sure to give Him enough advance warning that He can get his party dress ironed.
So "God" is too busy to help all the sick and needy, even just the Christian ones, but Jesus has all the free time he wants to sit around and wait for some stupid fundie to be done watching Star Wars?
Has Jesus been committing sloth?
"I can continue to watch Star Wars movies if I so desire. But will Jesus sit and watch them with me?"
Oh, of course he will! After all, Jesus would probably really associate with Luke's character. After all, he was raised in the desert by someone who wasn't his real father in a territory occupied by a ruthless empire. And, his real Father turned out to be an evil, megalomaniacal dictator who wanted him dead.
Also, little known fact, Jesus used to bullseye womp rats in his T-16 back home.
Actually, I'm pretty sure that Jesus went off Star Wars after Phantom Menace. If you don't believe me, you should read the book of revelations a bit closer; "And the fourth head wore the mantle of the jar-jar of the binks, and lo the Lord was repulsed, and did turn his head away"
@Scotty
Good one. And so true.
Jesus can't give a shit about star wars since you know he's been dead for a long time.
And honestly I would want nothing to do with a person who keeps reminding me of the pain he went through and how he died for me everytime I do something that isn't to his liking.
@Scotty
Great post. I did not know that Jesus used to bulls eye womp rats back home. That is an awesome fact that I am sure you could pull some biblical proofs out of your ass in support.
I also heard that Jesus wanted to move up his application to the academy a year but that his mean uncle made him stay on until after the harvest.
"Does Jesus sit in a lonely place waiting for me to have time for Him?"
No, he's hidimg from you in that lonely place. He said he's already had enough suffering.
@JohnTheAtheist
"I also heard that Jesus wanted to move up his application to the academy a year but that his mean uncle made him stay on until after the harvest."
Yes, but then he met that crazy man, Obi-John the Baptist and set off on some crazy mission to save the world...
"Also, he's supposedly omnicient (knows everything that has happened, is happening and will happen, all at once), so already knows exactly how every movie ever made (past and future) goes and ends."
You know, that must really suck.
Is it any wonder that the guy sits in a lonely place, shops at Hot Topic, has temper tantrums, and writes emo poetry (see The Book of Lamentations in His inspired Word).
Jesus is a Ravens fan. No interest whatsoever in Star Wars.
He did leave this message, though:
"Quit whining and get over yourself. It embarrasses me that people like you claim to be on my team."
@Scotty: Well, technically, Darth Vader didn't want Luke dead, he wanted Luke to join him to help him overthrow Palpatine and "rule the galaxy as father and son" (wouldn't that be some nice father-son bonding time, right there? ;D).
The fundie parallel to that would be...God wanting Jesus to join him to help him overthrow...Satan? But Satan had already been overthrown before Jesus had been born, so...overthrow death, maybe?
"I can continue to watch Star Wars movies if I so desire. But will Jesus sit and watch them with me? Will He cheer for Han Solo and Luke Skywalker or possibly weep when Padme dies? Will He mimic a light saber duel with me or sit down and watch the upcoming television show? Will He cheer for a made up thing that gives glory to an unknown and unreachable nothing over the truth of His Father? Will Jesus mind if I spent more time away from becoming closer to Him as I indulge in this seemingly harmless fantasy? Or is it possible that my Lord will remind me of His truth, love and commitment to my lost soul those many years ago when He carried a cross to Calvary? Does Jesus sit in a lonely place waiting for me to have time for Him?"
I find your faith disturbing.
@Furlong
"Blasphemer! Obviously Jesus is a Doctor Who fan!"
With slight leanings towards "Blakes 7"
@ND
"I heard Jesus is more of a football fan"
Being the glory-hound he is, Jesus supports Manchester United.
(think about it!)
Come on, guys. I know you atheists and Satanists and pagan here at FSTDT like to blaspheme, but this is extreme. Jesus doesn't like Scifi.
He's a Blackadder fan.
Empathises with Prince George. Got a nutty father, and his servants are split between a cunning and slimy git (note: I still love Blackadder, okay?) and an incredibly stupid turnip-fetishist.
Try to imagine what this "relationship" would be like if it were genuinely one-on-one...
Jesus: "Let's watch a DVD."
@Kieranfoy
"Jesus doesn't like Scifi.
He's a Blackadder fan.
Empathises with Prince George. Got a nutty father, and his servants are split between a cunning and slimy git (note: I still love Blackadder, okay?) and an incredibly stupid turnip-fetishist."
In that case, Satan = Lord Flashheart?! Would account for a great many things, though.
Does Jesus sit in a lonely place waiting for me to have time for Him?
Picture Jesus...just hangin', twiddling his thumbs in boredom, all sad and lonely, waiting for A. H. to join him watching telly, going 'Oh, when, when will Ass Hole ever die so I can have some fun? Come on, Dad, kill him already. You're always torturing me."
I thought god and jebus were everywhere all the time and know exactly what you are doing, thinking, and playing with, you naughty boy. Don't you suppose invisible jesus can sit beside you and watch the tube if he wanted to? Shit, he's magic. He can watch any show any time he likes, with or without you or even a tv. He's got better than Tivo, f'Chrissakes. It is to die for.
Better stay under that stone of yours, A.H.
Nobody tell him about what happens in "Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens" & "VIII: The Last Jedi".
@Patashu
There needs to be a sequel: "Womanos: The Feet of Fart". About a group of women who capture a hideous orange thing and proceed to torture it's lower appendages.
Would be better for MST3K than the original.
But then, even "Plan 9 From Outer Space" was absolutely perfect, so it proves how bad that was.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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