Well, I was walking around with a Bible in my hand when all of a sudden Atheists began make death threats towards me.
I know where all of them live as of now.
106 comments
''We're Bible Burners. Us Atheists no better then to surrender."
Said no atheist, ever. Seriously, who refers to themselves as "us?" It reminds me of the old joke, "nobody here but us chickens." This is plainly a fabrication to slander atheists as some sort of anarchic roving gang of thugs.
If any of this actually happened, and isn't just some sad little fiction to justify a persecution complex, then I'll eat my hat.
That reminds me of the time I was walking around with a copy of The God Delusion in my hand when all of the sudden Christians began to make death threats towards me. I didn't understand why until one yelled, "We're God Delusion burners. Us Christians know better than to surrender!" There were like six...no, sixteen guys and they all grabbed my copy of The God Delusion and began to throw it around and tear the pages out and set it on fire. And they, like, began beating me and one person kicked me so hard that my tooth is chipped now. They all kept screaming, "This is what us Christians are all about. We'll beat the skepticism out of all of you. We are mean jerkwads who don't surrender."
Yep, it all totally went down like that.
If this did happen, which I sincerely doubt, you should call the police.
More than likely, though, you should stop violating the Ninth Commandment in a transparent attempt to slander atheists.
Sounds biblical. Sounds true to life. The banality of the fantasy, that is. The downright lies? Goes with out saying. Yes, it sounds like it could be a parable or some sort of Bible God mania. Definitely like something from the Bible.
For starters you could try reading the Bible you claimed they took from you. If you had, (and if this story is not a complete fabrication, which you would also know not to do), you would know what to do:
Forgive them
What should I do about it?
Send a squad of pastors to their inner sanctum. When the orgy of hot sodomy is over, have the pastors reveal themselves and brandish brand-new Bibles in the faces of the demon-worshippers. They will then try to invoke Obama in the flesh, but stand firm, Baptists, because when Air Force One lands and the President himself walks in the room, ready to consecrate this most unholy of Friday evenings, the pastors will then work their magic and convert everyone in a half-mile radius to Born-Again Christianity.
At least that would've made a better ending.
Ah, yes. Reminds me of this one time I was walking home from school, and a bunch of Christians randomly attacked me because I'm gay. They just started yelling at me these random insults, and then grabbed their slaves, whipped them into submission, and flew off in a space ship.
Then the queen of England made me enter this competition to follow a trail of gold into this giant palace on a cliff by the sea, filled with great art, and food, and stuffs.
Oh and then Romney announced that he was becoming an atheist and said that Democrats were always better than Republicans.
Yeah, because Atheists roam the streets in gangs and hurt sweet, innocent Christians. This is pretty damn funny, actually.
Funny, I was walking down the streets of downtown Beirut, yesterday, carrying a large phallic statue like the one in "A Clockwork Orange" when a horde of winged Tommy Wiseau clones in Elvis jumpsuits & pink tutus swooped out of a UFO & pummeled me with giant Crayola crayons!
Hey, it's just as plausible as the B.S. you conjured up, Yahoo Answers troll guy.
The psychedelic space god, Syd Barrett appeared with his mirrored guitar, scared away the Tommy Wiseaus, played me a cool tune and then we had hot sex on the spot...this never happened either but OH HOW I WISH IT DID!image ...I wish & I dream...
I'm supposed to believe this, right?
I just want to make sure that was your intent with this absolutely ridiculous story of yours.
He's obviously trolling. Question mark was probably laughing his ass off as he typed this, so I'm gonna have to click meh.
But then again, this is Yahoo answers, so maybe it actually is a Christian bearing false witness and actually expecting people to buy it. Oh God I don't know what to click, so I will click nothing.
This is why I wish we wouldn't submit items from Yahoo! Answers.
Of course, the question was taken down for "violating Yahoo's guidelines," i.e., trolling for a flamewar.
We atheists have a special word for people like this. We don't consider them atheist, we first and foremost consider them douchebags. That's also what we call christians who make up unbelieveable stories that justify their own persecution complex.
We also have this phrase called "live and let live" that we tend to share. I believe there are quite a lot of decent and honest christians who share it with us.
I think you should stop lying.
I am fairly good at telling when someone is lying when they are face to face with me but I think this is one of the few times I have gotten that feeling through the internet.
Stop lying for Jesus!
"Well, I was walking around with a Bible in my hand when all of a sudden Atheists began make death threats towards me.
Pics or it didn't happen. And anyway, your posting such on Y!A, coupled with your atrocious spelling, means you're a liar . As eyewitness, 'my word against theirs' testimony is notoriously unreliable, and therefore is inadmissable as evidence in a court of law, your argument is invalid .
Liars - specifically those who claim to be 'Saved' - burn in Hell, you know. Troll/Liar4Life, I'm looking at you .
@capello moderno
image
What should you do about it?
Kill yourself.
@ SpukiKitty--I'd run screaming for the hills if I ever encountered Tommy Wiseau, especially with wings. I think he's actually a martian.
"There were exactly 6 guys ..."
This is my favorite part of the story: exactly 6 guys, not 5.48, not 6.21. exactly six.
What should I do about it?
Notify the police, and report that you have been assaulted on the basis of your religion. They'll take your statement, and begin investigating from there.
However, they'll probably determine very quickly that your story is just utter bullshit. At that time, they'll charge you with making a false police report.
Have a nice day.
@The Crimson Ghost
I think he looks like that Grimma Wormtongue guy, myself!
TOMMY WORMTOUGUE IS NO MATCH FOR THE PSYCHEDELIC ECSTASIES OF ONE ROGER KEITH "SYD" BARRETT!image *TWANG!*
SHIIIIIINNNEE OOOONNNN YOU CRRRRRAAAAAAAAAZZZY DIIIIIAAAAMOOOOND!
''We're Bible Burners. Us Atheists no better then to surrender.''
As quoted from nobody, in the history of goddamned ever.
Atheists are as likely to say that as fundies are to say, "There is no God, the Bible is bullshit, the Rapture will never happen."
I suggest taking a night-course in creative writing at your local learning annex, because I find the characters in your little story one-dimensional, unmotivated, and forced. Beyond that, I think it's an interesting scene into a short story about man trying to fit in and live alongside those who are different. Also, spellcheck and proofreading are your friends.
What's that, you say this isn't fiction? Hahahaha, oh, that's good, don't forget to put plenty of that humour into the story, your readers will eat it up.
"What should I do about it?"
Find the nearest fire extinguisher, and use it. Because that's the worst example of auto-perjury ignition-based trouserial immolation I've seen! Your bollocks must be blistering by now, to say nothing of 2nd degree burns on the bum! X3
At least the Hot Pants worn by Kylie Minogue in that video for "Spinning Around" were cooled using liquid nitrogen before she put them on, coupled with the fact she doesn't need to lie when she says she's H.O.T.! :9
Even allowing for the clear limitations of your literacy, this is not the tone in which a person recounts such a traumatic experience as being set upon by a gang.
The choppy nature of causality in this account also betrays the amateur storyteller. The group of 'exactly six' performs physical actions in an impossibly singular manner. And with no clear transition, you were beaten violently, and you were *kicked in the face* and the fallout is your chipped tooth ? The utter lack of physical awareness to a physically traumatic assault makes the fabrication blatant. Even ignoring the hilarious dialogue.
If this was presented as fiction, it would just be 'you have a lot to learn,' but since it's presented as a real hate crime...you dirty liar.
Also, if this had happened and you had that personal information, why would you not have filed a police report and pressed charges? Duh. That is what you do in those circumstances. I get the feeling your intended responses involved firebombing.
"I know where all of them live as of now"
'I know where you live !' The standard threat of someone who hasn't got the cojones to follow through, make good said 'threat'.
Not even the guts to post as 'Anonymous'. Weaksauce, milquetoast, milksop fundie. And liar .
In Sweden, one of the most secular countries in the world, you could walk around with a stack of Bibles on your back and one Bible in each hand, and no-one would do more than snicker at you, and perhaps walk quickly away from you.
I'm an atheist (no capital inital needed) and I own a Bible, a Quran, a Poetic Edda and a couple of more religious texts. I have no intention whatsoever to burn any of them. Book-burnings are very close to crimes against freedom of speech in my book. You have all the right in the world to spout whatever nonsense you like, and others have all the right to contradict and critizie you. When you're put in jail or killed because of what you say or write, or your texts are burned by the state, then you are persecuted.
Who would they surrender to, and why? Non-religionism is spreading, YOU're the ones who don't surrender, questionmark.
What you should do? Stop making up stories, and do something constructive instead.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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