When you tune in to electronic pornography you have established a two-way link with the spiritual underworld. When you lie in bed at night and conjure up wicked images, the devils won’t stop with your mind; they will gleefully rush into the bedrooms of your children and assault their little souls and bodies. Evil thoughts will come to their minds – thoughts you have been thinking that are telegraphed to them by the devils. Your defenseless children will be taken captive, and you are the one that threw the gate open to the enemy.
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So does that mean that those of us without children are still good to look at porn?
Also, you describe it as a "two-way link with the spiritual underworld". That must mean that I too can gleefully rush into the bedrooms of the devil's children and assault their souls and bodies. Sounds like fun
Good grief, back in the old days you people just made do with the simple "hairy palms and blindness" threats. Granted, they didn't work either, but simply escalating the alleged punishment, while still not giving any rational reason why masturbation or porn may be immoral, isn't going to improve the situation.
The only way I've ever been able to rationalize their paranoia of demons and devils is that the Devil must simply be way more powerful than I previously believed and that God is simply not omnipotent or omniscient.
If God wants us to have freewill and is opposed to forcing us to be good people than he must be equally opposed to the devil doing the opposite and lead us away from good. Why would God put up with this? Either he can't track the devil and see what he's up to at all times, or he simply is not powerful enough to stop him.
Maybe I'm thinking too much about this, maybe they're just crazy.
Imagine the nightmares in that house!
Most kids wake up afraid, go to their parents, and are told that it's only a dream.
In Michael's house: "What, you had a nightmare? Teh demonz are inside you! Did they rape you yet? Well, there going to! They're going to kidnap you right down to hell, and Satan is going to butt plug you unless you stay off those damn internets"
Mister Spak wrote: "Who knew the internet reached into other dimensions?"
Hey, it was invented by Al Gore, what did you expect?
Why is childbeater Pearl still breathing valuable oxygen?
Methinks he is trying to dodge responsibility for his actions here...
And then trys to blame it on "devils"
@ balom
Which one? Devil Hunter Yohko or LA Blue Girl?
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In all seriousness, who refers to it as "electronic pornography"?
"Any prayers you pray for their safety are negated the moment you open the pages of a pornographic book or glare at an electronic image."
If you're glaring at porn, you're probably not enjoying it anyway. Why bother?
This quote has really, really frightening overtones of incest/molestation.
There is not a funny joke here, period. O.o
Hawt!
So basically, I can psychically molest my kids (if I had any) by proxy just by thinking impure thoughts in my own room? How cool is that? And it would all be perfectly legal too. Someone needs to turn this into a pedo wank story!
I'm still mulling over the two-way(!) link with the underworld, that's like having Satan on speed-dial. Definite potential there.
Fundies have the coolest fantasies.
When you tune in to electronic pornography you have established a two-way link with the spiritual underworld
Well, no, but you may be establishing a link with the actual underworld and getting your credit card numbers and stuff stolen.
oh my! hahahahhahahaha I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.
Man, the crazy is strong with this one!
@Alethe
See RFC 3514 for the evil bit.
I don't see anything specifically about establishing a two-way connection with the underworld though. That might be one of those non-standard Internet Explorer only things.
When you lie in bed at night and conjure up wicked images, the devils won’t stop with your mind; they will gleefully rush into the bedrooms of your children and assault their little souls and bodies.
So...you're saying that if I masturbate, God really WILL kill a kitten?
"When you tune in to electronic pornography you have established a two-way link with the spiritual underworld."
I knew it! I knew the Netherworld had internet access! Quick, someone give me Laharl's MSN screenname. I think I'll troll him long time.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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