Things you will never hear an unbeliever say...
"Once I was an addict, but Natural Selection has set me free!!!"

"Once I was a selfish jerk, but the Big Bang has made me a generous person!"

"Once I was full of fear, and afraid, but Random Chance has given me peace!"

"I've been given the power to live a better life, a great life, because I don't believe in God! My life without God is full of meaning and purpose!"

I can't take credit for these, these were offered by Jack Graham in his sermon which aired today, you can listen to it here:

http://www.jackgraham.org/ (click on "radio", then "07-07-2009")

Feel free to add your own versions

In a more serious moment, Pastor Graham described the true story of a man who had committed murder and was on death row for it. While in jail he was visited by some Christians who brought him the hope of salvation, and he was saved. He eventually received a reduced sentence and is now an evangelist himself. Graham asks the pertinent question- "What does an atheist have to offer to the person on death row? What hope can he give? And by the way, we're all on death row."