I know what you're thinking...
"This guy is full of it"
But hear me out. I was taking the subway home today and noticed two dubious looking fellows out of the corner of my eye. One of them then approached me and asked if I had a cigarette. I sternly said no because I don't smoke and never will. After staring me down for a few seconds he walked back to his friend. I assume he thought I was lying. So there I was, my heart racing, knowing I might have to defend myself if worst comes to worst. I noticed them staring at me, saying something to eachother. So I just put my head down and put it in god's hands. I said a quick prayer and when I opened my eyes they had left.
Just a small example. Have a little faith, and good things will happen for you..
52 comments
Not to burst your little bubble, but I've had several people come up and ask me for cigarettes before. Prayer or not, when they find out you don't have one, they leave.
Uh-huh. so God intervened into a situation that was probably only dangerous in your own mind.
And yet thousands of innocent people are killed in wars and famines and diseases with no intervention no matter how often they pray or to whom..
Strange priorities.
You did the right thing. You just never know when some unsavory types will ask you for ungodly items. That guy might have asked for a "cigarette," but the smart money is that this is some kind of code word for "prison sex."
If God haven't delivered you, who knows what position you would have found yourself in.
Hey guys, my buddy and I were riding the subway home this afternoon when I got hit by a nic fit I couldn't believe. I asked this nervous looking dude if he had a cigarette he looked all crazy at me and hissed no through his clenched teeth. I went back to my friend and this guy starts gettin' all crazy like and talking to himself. I told my bud we should boogie before he could pull a piece and unload on us. We jammed before he even looked up. Crazy motherfucker!
Have a little faith, and good things will happen for you.
What faith? He figured God would ignore him unless he put his head down and prayed. "Faith" would be saying politely "sorry, I don't smoke" and letting God worry about the rest. Doesn't "your Father knoweth what things ye have need of, before ye ask him"? (Matthew 6:8)
Look, just carry cigarettes from now on so you don't have to face such mortal danger. I mean, Gawd can't be covering your ass all the time, he's busy ignoring the bloodshed in Iraq and Pakistan.
On Tuesday in the park, a nice homeless man stopped by and asked me for a cigarette. I only smoke cigars, but I had a lot with me so I gave him five. He said 'Thanks, man!", lit one, and left.
What good things?
This is, at the most generous interpretation, a lack of bad thing. To be accurate it was NOTHING. It was a non-event, devoid of gain or loss, pleasure or pain.
In summary you prayed and nothing happened.
Unless your day-to-day existence is a nonstop cycle of being pelted with used colostomy bags and getting chain-whipped in the crotch absolutely nothing happening does not equate a "good thing" happening.
Might as well say a prayer of thanks every second on the second for every second that's not a chain-whipping-urine-balloon fight.
I'll roll one up for a stranger, no problem.
Have a little faith, and good things will happen for you
Sounds like your faith repelled yet another regular person. It's a good thing for them, for sure. And you didn't need to shit your pants in desperation, either! Good thing.
I was walking through the park today and noticed two dubious looking fellows out of the corner of my eye.
One of them then approached me and asked if I had a cigarette. I politely said, "Sorry man, I don't", because I quit smoking last year.
Then he went his way and I went mine.
Just a small example...
*snicker
Another boring narrative describing a mundane situation where, presumably due to divine intervention, nothing happened.
This one time at band camp award
Paranoia. One of the symptoms that this person is a tinfoil hatter.
Not necessarily as bad as that - it could just be a very bad case of social anxiety. Religious indoctrination is very good at feeding off just about any mental disorder.
Relax; the "dubious looking fellows" were just discussing the prick-with-a-rod-up-its-ass who went off on a holier than thou tirade when asked a simple question. But, if you have a direct line to god as you claim, would you please ask him to get off his ass and at least occasionally answer the prayers of people who actually need help? Seems he takes the lazy way out and only assists paranoid wimps on subways and other fundies looking for open parking spaces at Walmart.
They were giving you the nasty look because you were talking down to them "don't smoke, NEVER WILL". Really, dude, THAT's why they gave you the nasty look. If you just said "Sorry don't smoke" they'd have gotten over it and walked away.
But really dude, if they had kicked your ass, it would have been for the better.
"Hey, that guy said he doesn't have a cigarette. Should we believe him?"
"Eh, doesn't matter. This is our stop"
AND WEN I OPENED MAH EYEBALLZ TEH WUZ GONE!
HAS A FAITH!
Well, I had a little face one day in the subway and asked a guy for a cigarette, I prayed my little heart out to get one! Well, the guy said to me he doesn't smoke and he never will.
Just shows - I prayed for smokes and didn't get them!
Stranger: "Pardon me, do you have a cigarette?"
Fundie: "NO!! I DON'T SMOKE AND NEVER WILL!! "
Stranger (whispering to his friend): "Another one of those self-righteous anti-smoking zealots. Let's go somewhere else."
Fundie (to himself): "OMG HELP THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME!!!!!11one1"
I had a similar experience recently
.
Please hear me out.
I was taking the subway home today and I noticed one very dubious looking guy, i.e. non-Caucasian. He eyed me and then I eyed him and then he eyed me and then I eyed him and THEN
He approached me and asked me if I had a cigarette!
Well I reminded him that smoking is certainly illegal on Metro, and Good Gawd, I just can’t give them away; have you bought a pack of smokes lately??
Anyway, I assumed he was, well, kinda cute, and my heart was racing (plus I was afraid he might just whip out his WEAPON right then and there), so I just put my head down and hoped I would have the chance to put IT in MY hands. After a quick prayer I opened my eyes and HE WAS STILL THERE! No more assuming He’s REALLY cute!!
Anyway, our Commitment Ceremony is next Thursday at the First Unitarian Church.
Just a small example. Have a little faith, and good things will happen for you..?
so lets see....
guy on the subway: hey buddy spare a cigarette?
Boogie_J:[sternly] I don't smoke and never will!
guy: .... [walks away]
Boogie: [in fetal position] oh god! oh god!
guys buddy: wtf is his problem?
guy: I don't know, hey isn't this our stop?
"Hey, go ask that guy if he has some smokes."
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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