For example, on average, only about 10% in the 'typical' IFB church actually tithe properly. When you rob God, He finds a way to get your money. He may break your car, or send other unexpected bills, but He will get the money! On the flipside, you cannot out-give God. Givers find themselves to be well taken care of.
86 comments
"When God don't get His money, God gets angry. And that's when bad things start happening. Maybe God'll send His goons after ya. Maybe they break your car. Maybe they break your legs. You hear what I'm saying to you? You tithe properly, and God's gonna take care of you...don't tithe properly, and God's gonna...take care of you, y'hear what I'm sayin'?"
So if you tithe, your car runs forever and you never have unexpected bills? Why hasn't anyone ever noticed this amazing benefit? Heck, we could save the 10% back just by dropping our car, home and medical insurance! Or then again, maybe the Bro is just full of his usual crap ...
God the maker of the universe has no need for money. People who claim to be doing god's work, on the other hand, are desperate to get their hands on it and will do anything to do so. Something tells me that some of Bro. Randy's little flock must be balking at handing 100% of their savings to him. (Or perhaps the parents are starting to ask too many questions about where Tiffany's allowance has been going.)
But, but, then the mechanic that fixes your car gets the money, or the gas company or whoever sends you those "unexpected bills."
The church, like Bro.Randy and any other cult... are ALL for-profit private enterprises.
Er, God is an extortionist?
"Its a nice church ya got here, Brudda Randy. It'd be a shame if anything... happened to it, if ya knows what I mean." (sound of knuckles being popped.)
Second "Bookie Jesus" award. The tithing scam is institutionalized in some extremely conservative churches, to the point where the Mormon Church, for example, has far more invested in business ventures than it does humanitarian functions.
Is that why the good bro lives in a trailer? Is that God's definition of taking good care of givers? Hell, I'd rather find out who Bill Gates worships, his God seems to be taking better care of him than Randy's God could ever dream of taking care of Randy.
Alright Randy, if you stand in a bucket of water, and put your hands on the television set, you will feel the power of the lord...really you will...try it.
@upallnite #251464
When god shows up and asks for the money I will give him all I have. Until then, I will remain an Atheist.
I'd want to know exactly what he intends to do with it first. And if it has anything to do with guns, drugs or religion he can sod off, he's not getting a penny!
But, if your car breaks or you get bills, that money's not going to God. It's going to the mechanic, the insurance company, whoever's charging you the bill.
"And Jesus did say unto the crowds, 'Bitches betta have my money! Not half of it. Not some of it, but ALL of mah money! Don't worry sugah, I'll take care of y'all.'"
- The Gospel according to Randy, 5:21
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.
