[In the past I have told my partner that I really don't want him having sex with me when I am sleepy/asleep and it did stop, but recently it has started again. I am a really deep sleeper, but sometimes I do get the sensation that I am being messed with and wake up. Rather than say no I try to remain still and unresponsive but he still ends up having sex with me whilst I am on my side. If I say anything he'll just say that I thrust my backside at him and I should stop being so desirable, wheras I just see it as me lying in bed. I don't know what to do.]
Feminists want all sex to be rape to get at the bastard men.
OP needs to make time to be intimate. She should appreciate that the guy has stayed faithful through what must be a difficult time for the poor bloke.
I think rape must involve a degree of protestation at the time. Here there is none.
34 comments
"I don't know what to do."
If he ignore direct requests to stop, it hard to see a future in that relationship.
If he has sex with you against your explicit denial of consent, it's rape. Report him, or threaten to report him...
No, feminists want women AND MEN to have the sovereign right to their own bodies.
The first person's partner need to make time to get his wife/girlfriend in the right mode before s-e-x.
Sleeping is the body's way of telling other people to go away.
How does one give consent while sleeping?
*edited slightly*
Wow. First, that boyfriend needs to be dumped and possibly reported to the police. Second guy also needs a refresher on what is and isn't considered consent. If they don't explicitly say yes, then one should assume the answer is no.
Lots of couples do this.
I bet not. Most couples enjoy one-on-one sexual intimacy. Having sex with someone who's asleep is just masturbating using someone else's body, which eventually will lead to feelings of resentment and being used.
I think rape must involve a degree of protestation at the time.
Rape is sex without consent which is what having sex with someone who's asleep is, unless that person gives prior consent to their partner. But since the person quoted above seems to be uncomfortable with it, then it really needs to stop.
Two words, g&t: Lorena Bobbitt.
Can't rape you without a cock .
Just a tip I'm throwing out there. Which is what she did with his out of a car window! >:D
No means no.
Zzzzz means no.
Drooling on the pillow means no.
... means no.
Why is it so difficult to understand that the only response that doesn't mean no is an affirmative delivered with sobriety? I hope person asking the question finds a good solution, and the man sees the error of his ways. I hope nobody takes green tea seriously.
"Lots of couples do this"
Yeah right
I could imagine a couple giving each other permission to have sex if they are a deep sleeper, but where is the fun in that? Only one person is having fun in that situation. Saying "Lots of people do it" is not a valid argument, even if it was true.
"I think rape must involve a degree of protestation at the time. Here there is none."
"In the past I have told my partner that I really don't want him having sex with me when I am sleepy/asleep and it did stop, but recently it has started again."
Seems like protestation to me.
^@Kanna
You're right, I really should have added that. I'm not sure why I didn't.
Well, of course. If permission is given beforehand, then there's little problem.
I suppose what I'm just trying to say is that I agree with you.
@ Musicalbookworm:
A mortician with a fetish?
@ Kanna and Battycakes:
There's no accounting for kinks and sexual preferences. Some people like this. I've heard it referred to as, "Wake me the best way."
That said, consent must be given beforehand, since it can't be given while asleep. "I have told my partner that I really don't want him having sex with me when I am sleepy/asleep..." means NO!
I don't necessarily assume this is a heterosexual couple, but if the OP insists on remaining in this abusive relationship, s/he needs to stop sleeping in the nude or in easily removable bedwear. If there isn't other abuse in this relationship already, there will be soon, and the OP needs to boot this guy down a few flights of stairs.
@The Moose
You most definately can, and arseholes claiming you can't , frequently arseholes with the responsiblity to do something about it , cause as much damage as the fucking rapists .
I think rape must involve a degree of protestation at the time
So if the victim is too scared to scream, it's not rape?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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