Why doesn't everyone just believe the freakin' bible? I mean come on people!!! Doesn't Jesus know better than you what to do with your own private parts?
76 comments
Freakin' Bible?, what would Jesus do with his private parts?(nothing, according to tradition). Now go tell why nobody believes in the Bible(wrong!!), stupid troll(if you're going to troll, do it with dignity)
"Why doesn't everyone just believe the freakin' bible?"
"Doesn't Jesus know better than you what to do with your own private parts?"
Doesn't Jesus know better than you what to do with your own private parts?
Nope. I dropped off my private parts at Jesus Christ's dry cleaning establishment once, and he used 'em as a bird feeder.
Poe. Poe. Poe.
'nagraphy.
Let us be clear: 'freakin'' is a euphemism for 'fucking'. So...we are talking about the fucking Bible! Interesting concept from a dundamentalist christian.
In the second part of the question: doesn't the querant know that Jesus too has private parts and the were on full view when he was born, and when he was nailed to the cross. Let us not forget that the Romans spared nobody's blushes. When crucified you were stark naked, and you performed your bodily functions in front of those gathered around your cross. Private parts just don';t come into the equation.
Now that I've had my morning coffee, I'd say this is likely to be poe. But for those who think this HAS to be a poe. Maybe you've never talked to fundies who are adamant that you don't own your own body (it's God's body and you have the privilege to live in it, but you better not defile it) They often put things in this way ('what to do with your own private parts') just to be confrontational, so they can berate your for you lack of faith in the KJV.
@ Illuminatalie - Yes, I know real fundies think one's body, naughty bits and all, belong to god. I also know real fundies don't refer to their bible as "freakin'" (nor do they write it with a lowercase "b" as is common among us heathens). I also know enough about linguistics to interpret the use of "your own private parts" as sarcasm.
I've been fooled by Poes before, but this one wasn't trying all that hard.
Poe or not, this made me laugh. Makes me picture Jesus as some sort of genitalia guru, dispensing advice on shaving, hygiene, and underwear. Though Jesus would have been circumsised I suppose, so any really hardcore Christian could follow that example.
As long as they do it biblically, i.e, with a sharpened stone.
EDIT: Oh, and they would have to be male. Sorry ladies, but hacking bits off the genitals by choice is a privilage only men are allowed.
"Doesn't Jesus know better than you what to do with your own private parts?"
I need to tell SOMEBODY. Jesus....has been....touch...Oh, Jeez, I'm so ashamed. Jesus has been touching my private parts.
Yeah, christians don't believe in the bible, either. None of them know anything that's in it besides that gays are bad, women are servants, and John 3:16.
I would, but Jesus has never come up to me in person and told me what to do with "myself"
If he does, I'll call and tell you all about it.
"Why doesn't everyone just believe the freakin' bible?"
Well, when the first damned chapter doesn't correspond to reality I'd say the rest of the book doesn't look good either.
"I mean come on people!!! Doesn't Jesus know better than you what to do with your own private parts?"
Jesus can kiss my ass. As you said, they're my parts and, as such, I'll do with them what I damned well please.
for lack of sex organ instructions in the bible, when in doubt, stick it in a moist hole, thrust, repeat
I would be surprised if this wasn't a poe.
Oh, wait a minute, I really wouldn't be.
Why yes! He told us to love our neighbour, so that's what I've been doing with my private parts :)
Actually, now is the perfect time to share a truth that Fundies will refuse to believe: Having been raised a Christian myself, I wasn't surprised at the age of 17 to receive an apparition from Jesus. The visitation was accompanied by symptoms similar to those that the Bible describes as a visitation from God, and psychology describes as sleep paralysis. This was one of the things that led me to judge religion was crap: Jesus asked to have gay sex with me.
1- Because some people have read it.
Plus, I don't know that he even existed.
EDIT: Bryan65 : Now you've saddened me.
The cross-tian bible contains its own version of the Kama Sutra? Who knew?
Yeah, gotta be Poe.
If this is a Poe, then this person is the Best Poe Ever.
If this is not a Poe, excuse me while I die of laughter.
"Why doesn't everyone just believe the freakin' bible?"
Nah, mate - you're thinking of Scientology, not Christianity. Most flavours of Christianity place more emphasis on your total obedience and abject reverence, and grabbing your money is a secondary concern; Scientology, on the other hand, places approximately equal emphasis on both.
Doesn't Jesus know better than you what to do with your own private parts?
Jesus didn't say much about them one way or the other, except to condemn adultery. Now Paul is another matter. He doesn't appear to have had any. I think that fall affected more than just his eyes.
Come on, this must be a troll, this person had to be being sarcastic. Nobody is this stupid...
Oh wait--yes, they really are that dumb.
Why doesn't everyone believe freakin' ME. I can think of LOTS of things to do with your private parts. Those experiments with heterosexual sex will come in handy. LO
Seriously sknyluv must be trolling.
(Whether parody, or not)
Obviously poe, but I shall answer anyway.
"Why doesn't everyone just believe the freakin' bible?"
Never actually read that steaming pile of bullshit, have you?
Doesn't Jesus know better than you what to do with your own private parts?
Josh Buggar. Roy Less . The Turdpins.
Apparently your J-boy doesn't , so you tell us.
And if 'Belie vers' such as they are supposed to be the absolute paragons of Christian 'Family Values' & morality, then your so-called 'Bible' never had the right to be accepted - never mind 'Belie ved' - other than what it's always been: a book of Fairytales .
And those by the Brothers Grimm have far more morality in them, so where does that leave even your so-called fundamental ist Christain 'Belie fs' right to exist ...?!
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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