[WARNING: STAR WARS THE LAST JEDI SPOILERS]

[The whole review is dumb and should be examined as bad, disingenuous criticism, this submission is just highlighting the more ideologically-charged nonsense]

Pretty much everything about The Last Jedi is a conscious slap in the face to Star Wars’ white male fans. For example, all of the leading generals in the Resistance are women, including Princess General Leia (Carrie Fisher), which explains why they went from running the galaxy in the previous movie to being reduced to a handful of ships in this one. All of the First Order’s soldiers and generals save one are white men, while the Resistance is staffed entirely by non-whites and women, with the exception of Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac).

Poe is by far the most interesting character in the movie, even considering how the script goes out of its way to shit on him. You can practically hear the writers muttering, “Fuck you, toxic masculinity!” every time he’s on screen. Despite being forward-thinking and courageous, Poe is constantly slapped down by his female superiors for being too “hot-headed.” For example, despite his bravery in taking out one of the First Order’s cruisers at the beginning of the movie, Leia demotes him for being “reckless.”

Later on in the movie, after Leia falls into a coma after miraculously surviving being blasted into open space (don’t ask), Poe discovers that her replacement, the purple-haired (yes, I’m serious) HR lady Holdo (Laura Dern) is planning to evacuate the Resistance’s last cruiser into unarmed transports, a suicidal and cowardly move. He intelligently proclaims a mutiny, only for Leia to side with Holdo, whose plan ends up getting all but two dozen members of the Resistance killed. Heckuva job, Holdy!

The film’s C-plot, starring Finn (John Boyega), is equally insipid. Frustrated with HR lady Holdo’s complete inability to lead, Finn teams up with Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran), a communist Montagnard with Down syndrome, to find a codebreaker who can keep the First Order from tracking the Resistance through hyperspace. They go to the resort planet of Canto Bight and literally start murdering people for the crime of being rich. This is Ghostbusters–tier dumb.

But none of this compares to how The Last Jedi rapes the character of Luke Skywalker (Mark Hamill). The main plot follows Rey (Daisy Ridley), the Mary Sue feminist street urchin, as she tries to convince Luke to help the Resistance and train her to use the Force. Luke initially refuses, whining about how the Jedi “deserve” to end, before reluctantly agreeing to Rey’s demands. Hamill’s performance is embarrassingly bad and Luke’s character arc is a sick joke, rivaling how The Force Awakens depicted Han Solo as a deadbeat Peter Pan.

One good thing about The Last Jedi is that Rey is given far less screen time then in The Force Awakens. She’s just as smarmy, unlikable, and unrealistic—her bizarre telepathic dialogues with antagonist Kylo Ren (Adam Driver) are a case in point—but this is still an improvement. Unfortunately, the addition of SJW masturbation fantasies like Rose and Holdo—who I’m pretty sure was given purple hair as a deliberate middle finger to the fans—drowns out this positive move.

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Finally, General Leia somehow manages to completely evade responsibility for Kylo Ren falling to the dark side of the Force, even though she’s his mother. The plots of both The Last Jedi and The Force Awakens have Darth Bugman focusing all his rage on Han Solo (his father) and Luke Skywalker, with Leia somehow skating off. And despite the fact that Leia’s son is the second-in-command of the First Order—meaning she is directly responsible for the galaxy being plunged into war—nobody has a problem with her serving as one of the Resistance’s senior leaders.

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The central problem with the new Star Wars movies—or revivals of any classic franchise, for that matter—is that contemporary filmmakers don’t understand what made the originals good. Star Wars was a product of the 1970’s: an epic tale of good vs. evil, drawing on cultural motifs familiar to Americans of the time. Bugmen like Rian Johnson or J.J. Abrams can see the surface elements of Star Wars, but without being immersed in the cultural milieu that birthed it, the best they can do is high-budget fan fiction with SJW nonsense drizzled on top.

That’s all The Force Awakens or The Last Jedi are: cosplay with CGI. The X-wings and lightsabers and aliens may look like the ones in the original trilogy, but the heart and soul aren’t there. In their place is poor writing, left-wing agitprop, and dumb jokes. The Force Awakens was dull and boring, but The Last Jedi will leave you longing for the earnestness of Jar Jar Binks. Yes, it’s that bad.

The irony is that Kylo Ren’s nihilistic mantra of “let[ting] the past die,” while completely inappropriate for a Star Wars movie, is precisely how modern moviegoers should treat the franchise itself. Star Wars is dead, nerds. It’s not coming back. It’s time to take it behind the woodshed and put a bullet in its brain. The original movies were great and some of the video games were pretty good, but the monkey’s dead and the show is over.