Over the years I have heard many women speak in front of their husbands about how they are praying God will have his way in their families. Or they will brag about what a wonderful sermon that was and how they want that in their home. As I stand there listening, I am embarrassingly aware that their husbands are being reduced to carnal nincompoops.
Do you meet eyes with the children and silently communicate your disappointment?
The man can’t complain that his wife doesn’t obey him, because she does. He can’t say she speaks evil toward him, because she doesn’t. He can’t fault her in any way. But he is often angry; he feels he is not respected and honored; he feels the fool. And somehow for all her years of faithful prayer, he never becomes a mighty man of God. In front of the children, she patronizes him. She doesn’t know it, and he can’t explain it, but the kids grow up feeling it all the same. It reaps anger, frustration, belligerence, irritation in the dad, dislike among siblings, and, in young adults, disrespect for their mother. The Scripture tells us “Every wise woman buildeth her house; but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”
The children are subtly being persuaded that the head of the house is not really the spiritual leader and therefore not to be highly regarded—in fact he is a detriment to the growth of the family. No wonder when they become teens they treat their dad like the burden she has contrived him to be. Of course, when the children are young, Mom seems like a strong, spiritual woman, but as they mature they look at her with the same critical eyes of judgment she has used on Dad. Every look of irreverence toward Dad is now multiplied and sent back in her direction (Matt. 7:1–5). She has trained her children well in the folly of disrespect and irreverence. They might obey because she has obeyed, but what is obedience without honor?