A pastor whom I would trust with my life told me this story: When he was a teenager, he and another young kid received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit in church one day. The following day they were at a swimming pool with another kid. The other kid somehow broke his nose...I mean, it was HORRIBLY broken. The pastor said the nose was literally squashed flat against his face!!! Well, the pastor and kid No. 1, eyeing it in horror, said, "Hey, we received the Baptism yesterday, so the Lord can use us to heal others now, right? Let's lay hands on him!!!"
They laid hands on him and prayed. Stunned, they watched as the nose literally lifted off the kid's face into normal position and healed right before their eyes! Awesome, awesome story. There is no doubt in my mind that this happened 'cuz, as I said, I would trust this pastor with my own life, he is not a liar!
77 comments
Sorry, he is absolutely a liar. He's lying for Jesus.
Miracles coming from "laying hands on" or prayer are not real.
Quite the gullible rube, aren't ya?
Say, have you got any use for a bridge? I happen to have one for sale along with some land in Florida and a recipe for dehydrated water that's sure to make you millions.
Dude, dude! The other day, my honest, trustworthy Rabbi laid hands on the broken arm of some kid, and then the arm healed itself right before his eyes! I trust him, therefore it's totally true!!
...Yeah, it's just not convincing from the "I don't buy your religion" standpoint, is it?
Incidentally, when you're eyeing a serious injury in 'horror', your immediate reaction should not be "O HAY, LET'S C IF WE CAN DU MIRACLES NAO LOLOLZ".
Therefore, it's just not convincing from the "I'm not a freaking idiot" standpoint, either.
Yet, in all of this, your pastor did not bother to go a doctor to have all of this documented.
Trust me dude, you may have been lied to before. No, I don't know your pastor personally, but what I do know is that he is human and does lie. He may or may not lie as much as others or hates to lie, but he still does it anyway for various resons.
Well that settles it, I'm dropping everything and becoming a pastor, since these useless twats will apparently worship you.
Think of how much money I can scam, how much praise I can wallow in, and how much women I can persuade into making very bad decisions with me.
The last part is perfect, since, you know, pastors typically go for the choir boys.
Doper, if this one is a troll then so are half the posters on that thread.
I especially like the two about the leg lengthening.
Gullible, thy name is Waiting4Jesus!
Or
Troll, the name is Waiting4Jesus.
I can't really tell.
The Return of The Son of Lying For Jebus Part 8,765,199,465,131
K, so next time you're really, really sick, or seriously injured, you'll go to this pastor for help instead of wasting a doctor's time, rite?
He 'somehow' broke it?? Need some detail there, bud.
And if they were in a swimming pool there'd have been life guards and other staff who would have dealt with the kid with the broken nose and all you're, "Let me through, I'm a carrier of the Holy Spirit, I can heal him" would have done NO good whatsoever.
"I would trust this pastor with my own life, he is not a liar!"
Actually he is, and you're very gullible.
Why are these people not working full time in hospitals?
There is no doubt in my mind that this happened 'cuz, as I said, I would trust this pastor with my own life, he is not a liar!
A lot of people trusted Bernie Maddoff implicitly as well. Their life's savings are still gone. Do you see what I'm getting at here?
I get the impression this is:
A. A lie.
B. An exaggeration.
C. The Kid smashed his nose sideways and the pastor just snapped it back straight again.
Any way though this is not a miracle.
Alright Waiting, I'll call you out on this one.
Since your non-lying pastor can do miracles, please have him forthwith report to Walter Reed Hospital where he can commence healing all of the amputees there. After all, these were the men & women fighting dubyah's war.
Waiting...
he is not a liar!
So if that's all it takes, why can't everyone do it?
Or more correctly, why can't anyone?
There is no doubt in my mind that this happened 'cuz, as I said, I would trust this pastor with my own life, he is not a liar!
Welcome to real life, son! this "pastor" is lying through his teeth!
Lie, full stop...
"A pastor whom I would trust with my life told me this story"
Just stop right there. Just...stop.
Like tinjamiller said, and I quote: "Video or it didn't happen"
"They laid hands on him and prayed. Stunned, they watched as the nose literally lifted off the kid's face into normal position and healed right before their eyes! Awesome, awesome story. There is no doubt in my mind that this happened 'cuz, as I said, I would trust this pastor with my own life, he is not a liar!"
Just about every mobile phone available today has the facility for taking pictures, if not video. So why isn't there pictorial proof of such a miraculous event? Why aren't you, and your pastor hammering on the doors of James Randi's JREF right now? I'm sure they'd be only too willing to witness another demonstration of such great healing power. Under strict laboratory conditions, and minute scrutiny of scientific experts, of course. Because such powers must be analysed, to reveal the forces at work, to ensure there's no fakery involved, and that it can be replicated by other people/machinery, then such findings published as papers in scientific journals for peer review etc.
Go ahead. There's a cool $1 million waiting if you do.
So I wonder why no-one has done so to date...?
"There is no doubt in my mind that this happened 'cuz, as I said, I would trust this pastor with my own life, he is not a liar!"
Why do I see a Darwin Award in Waiting4Jesus' future?
"There is no doubt in my mind that this happened 'cuz, as I said, I would trust this pastor with my own life, he is not a liar!"
Riiiiiight. He wouldn't lie for Jesus, would he? Even devout monks have faked bleeding or crying statues of Mary in order to fool people into believing in miracles.
But I like how one day they were baptized into the religion and the very next day they were performing miracles in the name of Jay-zuz.
Great. Get his ass into the hospital. There are people that are in pain, and/or dying that could use his miraculous, healing hands. I'll inform the news, as well. I'm sure they'd like to know about this.
Well...?
Kid: "Ow! My nose!"
[The fundies swarm all over the poor kid and put their hands on his face.]
Kid: "Argh! Get off my face!"
If pastors could do that, we won't have doctors, pharmaceuticals, med schools and some of our most brilliant minds dedicating their entire lives for medical research. Maybe the pastor was recollecting an MMORPG quest where he used his level 20 Cleric powers to heal a teammate... but then, I'm an optimist.
Dear Waiting4Jesus,
I am a prince in Nigeria, with $30 million that needs to be deposited in an account very soon. If you could please send me your bank details, I can place this amount in such, and you can have 20% for your troubles.
Genuinely in the Lord,
HRH Prince Flieceyu Mugulad.
PS- I also own a bridge in London for sale; excellent condition, 9001 miles on the clock...!
[/419eater.com] X3
"Awesome, awesome story."
Yeah, isn't it. Like that thousands of other stories you tell on Rapture Ready. Not nearly as good as the complex many faceted brilliance that is Jack and The Beanstalk. Which really, really happened, people wouldn't lie.
It appears in fundie world the pastors fuck with them a lot, dumb crowd, hard to resist.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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