What I beleive is this.
The chances that the Rapture is...
So all I can say is that I do beleive it will be soon!!!
73 comments
Some one had to fix it. Nice work Ens.
OK, let's go with 100 years away - that'd be 876,600 hours away, so being hours away must also be 0%, or 36,625 days away and 0%, or 1,200 months away and ZERO PERCENT!
According to that logic, it seems like the rapture is never going to happen at all, but they're always going to think it's going to perpetually happen sometime in the next decade which allows them to do things like organize abortion clinic raids or creation theory lobbying or...
I have proof that Jebus has returned.
goodboy: So all I can say is that I do beleive it will be soon !!!soon take place; [Rev 1:1]
Jesus: Truly I say to you, there are some of those who are standing here who will not taste death until they see the Son of Man coming in His kingdom. [Matthew 16:28]
Yup, its gotta be real soon now.
Oh shit, if the rapture is so close, can you christians just stay at home away from everyone, so we can get used to a society post-rapture?
McCulloch - Now I've got this sudden, burning need for some Depeche Mode.
How about:
"Is it depressing that these guys really want to die? "don't
What I beleive is this.
...forgive me for being a non primary English European and all and maybe understanding "rapture" wrong in this context, but...did I just get this right?
You can attach whatever numbers you care to imagine to what you believe -- as, indeed, you have already done. You are quite welcome to do so. But doing so doesn't make your belief the slightest bit more real or credible. It just paints some pretty numbers onto it.
@Crosis
Jesus said he'd be back before some of the original disciples kicked the bucket. 2000 years later and still no sign of him.
DUDES, YOU'VE BEEN GETTING IT WRONG ALL THIS TIME!!
Jesus returned... couple months after he said... but seeing how last time they crucified him, he thought better than to let them know.
He walked to Japan, became a rice farmer, married a hot asian chick and had kids.
He just didn't tell his disciples because of the way they fucked him over previously.
So there. :D
Ahaster:Left Behind books and their moneymaking empire ("Left Behind! For Kids Edition!").
I'd recommend Slacktivist for more information on the Rapture idea. Plus, he reads and reviews LB so you don't have to!
Mike gets the car, Hadanelith gets the house, I call dibs on the bank account and life insurance.
@Julian
and it definitely was him, no one else could walk to Japan.
Rapture believers are a special kind of retarded.
MK: The really awful thing is that all these people will be genuinely disappointed if peace in the Middle East ever is achieved.
You know, that'd be just what would happen too, after they wait in agonized suspense for the anti-christ to appear, then the rapture...or is it the other way around?
Ah, who cares?
Um, I know you're a good boy, goodboy, but the Rapture is at least a few thousand years away.moving , and I had to start over and redo the figures again , only this time it was even more complicated. Then, on top of that , just when I was getting the hang of the moving-Earth concept, some stupid scientist named Albert Einstein came up and told me that time was, in fact, relative. Since the Raptured souls will need to move at pretty high speeds, I have to start from scratch a third time, and redo all of the numbers to account for relativity.
Also, I underestimated the amount of red pigment I would need to make the moon turn red like blood, so it may be awhile before I can get a new shipment.
And I got a memo from the Beast Design committee saying that there might be some problems with my stars-falling-to-Earth plan, which may slow me down even more.
So, anyway, it may be awhile before we can get this Rapture underway. Just sit tight. I'll work it out eventually.
What I beleive (sic) is this.
The chances that "goodboy" is a total idiot...
So all I can say is that I do beleive (sic) he's a total moron!!!
"Creed" is still not religious enough. Or rather, it is too close to being "secular music", and as we all know, if everything does not always praise lord Jesus in all ways, it is of the devil.
@MysticalChicken
That's some pretty good drawing. o3o
Also, it's 2010. Really. Are these guys going to give up when 2013 chugs along?
Well, at least it adds up to 100%, which probably makes this guy a rocket scientist by Crapture Ready standards.
He's still wrong, though.
Well, it certainly wasn't hours away, or days away or months away, not even years away, as it is now 7 years since you wrote that, and still no Rapture. It might be decades away or over 100 years away. Never is also an alternative.
I calculate that the Rapture happened 1834 years ago, it took four people, and no one noticed. Everyone keeps positioning themselves in anticipation of a started gun that’s already been post-firing cleaned and stowed in God’s closet.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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