After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have
We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place, and you and I have been taken to heaven.
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After the rapture, there will be a lot of speculation ...
I think the word you're looking for is "jubilation."
Damn! Wish I'd thought of that. I'm sure the folks at Rapture Ready would gladly pay a one time fee of $49.59 (yes, you heard right--just $49.95!) for such a service.
Anyone have any statistics on how many people believe this bullshit? I'd like to know how many suckers, er... customers, I'd need to be able to retire.
Considering the kind of people who are likely to be "swept up" in a fundie "rapture," no one left on Earth will give a shit where you all went. We will be too busy celebrating the fact that you went.
Remember in high school when everyone was waiting for the dweebs who would tell their parents what went on to leave before the real party started? That's what the rapture will be like.
Oh, wait, you don't know, do you? You were the dweeb, weren't you?
@#302111
That's what exactly I wanted to express, Solo. That these idiots are so ethnocentric, that they think that the world(6,000 million people)will be missing them.
Except for the fact that you don't know when the Rapture will be and you won't be around the activate the program, so how do you intend the program to work?
I have a suspicion this guy has no idea how Java or C++ work.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If the rapture actually happens, I'll be sure to start speculating as to why so many of the annoying people have disappeared. Until then, just make sure your spam, uh, I mean, program doesn't appear on my computer.
The service relies on a fundie-meter(TM) positioned in satellite, which would send a message to the program when the levels drop below an acceptable level. Duh.
Actually, it is "a dead man switch that will automatically send the emails when it is not reset". But my idea is better, in case the guy in charge happens to be not fundie enough.
I'm really looking forward to the rupture, but I hope it happens at night. All those fundies shooting up through the sky and then bursting into flames as they surely must if they achieve sufficient velocity to escape earth's atmosphere. What a spectacular display! Just like the 4th of July, only better!
I like Upallnite's idea of someone hacking the site and sending the letters.
I'd love to se the look on the faces of everyone who signed up for this when they get the letters from their friends/family, and realize they're still sitting there reading it...
image
I wonder if they put an atheist or jew on the payroll just to be in charge of sending those messages or if the people in charge know there will never be any need for it.
But what if the Rupture happens on the Sabbath?
@CaptainJaneway
God sends a non-maskable interrupt, of course.
(I'm a software engineer, too, and I'm wondering just how badly I'm dating myself by using the term "non-maskable interrupt"...
The Bible Belt, just after the rapture.....
A tumbleweed blows down an empty street.
From a clapboard church, a querulous voice can be heard:
"Lord?"
Silence.
"Lord?"
Silence.
"Jesus Christ?"
"Yes? What is it? I'm busy, it's fucking mayhem up here at the moment and I can't waste my time with you fundie bastards!"
"Lord Jesus, we just wanted to know..."
"Know what, for my sake?"
"Where have all the atheists and heathens gone?"
"They are up here with me, being prepared for eternal joy."
"But what about us, Lord? All the years of devotion... When is it our turn?"
"Your turn?" The skies rumble with Christly laughter. "You morons just don't get it, do you!"
It can only happen two things:
I've just had an amusing thought.
Subject: URGENT PLEASE READ
Your kind attention please
I am Mrs.Maryiam Abacha, wife of the late General Sani Abacha,ex-military Head of State of the Federal Republic of Nigeria who was Raptured away. I contacted you because of my need to deal with person/persons who my family and I have had no previous personal Relationship...
This is on par with those bumperstickers these tools always have on their cars - "In case of rapture, car will be unmanned"....
Sometimes I'm amazed at the levels of delusion people resort to to feel they need to justify their religious faith.
This reminds of "On the Beach" where there's a message of sorts being broadcast from a telegraph office, but when they check it out it's just the wind blowing into a window making the thing click - broadcasting gibberish to the world.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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