People have been coming back from the dead by the hundreds during the past 15-20 years. All over the world, stone-cold-dead people are being resurrected by the fervent, focused prayers of Christians praying in the name of Jesus.
By now, the totals are likely over a thousand. No exaggeration, no joke. My own book "Megashift: Igniting Spiritual Power" documents 52 countries where at least one person has been raised from the dead – with named eyewitnesses ... who have street addresses ... and phone numbers ... and fax numbers ... and e-mail addresses. I even throw in a few photographs.
79 comments
Yes, people have been "brought back" from the dead in every country thanks to modern medicine. It's just that they were, to paraphrase Billy Crystal, "mostly dead", not really dead.
well i do remember that one time when all those people came back to life in england, oh wait, that was shaun of the dead, great movie though
By the way, if you see any of the resurrected guys, ask them if they have seen my grandfather, to remind him that he's a great grandpa now. And don't forget to pick your death certificate, I need it for some research project I'm immersed in.
Gee, you'd think that with all those hundreds of people coming back from the dead, at least one of them would have been noticed by the media, right? I mean, that's pretty significant news.
Then why didn't CNN, MSNBC, Faux News, or even The National Enquirer report this? Oh yeah, I get it; it happens so often that it's not newsworthy.
I do have a question, though. Before Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, his sister didn't believe it could be done and protested, "Lord, he stinketh." The bible never says anything about post-resurrection Lazarus being cured of his odor.
So, I'm wondering, do all these people resurrected in the past 15-20 years also stinketh?
If so, why don't we hear commercials for a miracle cure for corpse rot? ("Apply it directly where it stinks.")
You claim that you actually have the names, addresses, telephone numbers and e-mails of thousands of people who have witnessed bodily resurrection.
Interesting that, given the evident thoroughness of your investigation, you don't know the precise number, only the number of countries where they all live.
His Imperial Majesty's new clothes are looking spectacular.
Zombies 4 Jayzus award.
At the end:
James Cameron and his clan have no clue what kind of world they're living in.
Pot, meet kettle. Play nice.
I bet my collector's edition of 2004 Dawn of the Dead your photos are inconclusive.
What if those are voodoo zombies?
You know, take a certain drug, your heart rate gets really low so everyone thinks you're dead, then you wake back up in 24 hours or so.
How funny that only you and four people know about it and not the mainstream press or competent people.
Gee, you'd think that with all those hundreds of people coming back from the dead, at least one of them would have been noticed by the media, right? I mean, that's pretty significant news.
*Fundy cognitive dissonance sets in*
"Well the Atheistic homosexual-loving baby-eating America-hating liberal media is no doubt covering these things up because then they'd have to admit Jesus is the one true God."
*end Fundy dissonance period*
Well, technically I suppose he's right, he just has the numbers wrong. It's a hell of a lot more than he claims. I myself have wittnessed it.
Two years ago I saw paramedics, through the use of CPR, rescue breathing, and a defibrillator, bring someone "back to life" who had been "dead" for nearly 8 minutes.
But this happened as a result of science and technology, not mystical intervention by God. There are no valid claims of a post-mortem, "ressurection" anywhere in the world. This is just another example of some fundie idiot seeing what they want to see and not what's really there.
Hey, this is right up my alley. Zombies for the Zombie Savior! Woohoo! Necromancy for Christ! Oh, this is freakin' sweet! I wonder how much research this guy actually did. I would die to know his sources. (But, it's okay. I can always come back from the dead.)
But, there is one good thing to come out of all this increased zombie population: zombies can always be relied upon to be interested in you for your brains. This is a delightful departure from the normal dating situation, am I right, girls?
Seriously though, even the Medieval Church frowned on that sort of thing, and I think it's safe to say that they were generally more conservative than many churches are today. Pentacostals notwithstanding. *shudder* Much of the necromantic writings were Christian, with liberal borrowings from Islamic texts, and a few Hebrew. Like the Picatrix, for example. Books were burned all over Europe for necromantic content(though some survived, like the Munich and Rawlinson manuscripts, just to scratch the surface), and even some of the accused necromancers the Inquisition caught got torched. Largely it's the women among them who were the ones burned, might I add. Some 8 out of every 9 persons executed for occult practices were female. Raising a person from the dead, even in the rich Christian tradition and ritual, isn't anywhere NEAR that simple, though. Prayer alone doesn't cut it, no matter how earnestly it's meant, unless you're Jesus, of course. So, I guess somebody got their hands on a reprint of that 15th century necromantic manual (the Munich manuscript), and translated those rites from the Really Bad Latin it's written in. Dangit. Teach one class on the history of necromancy and see what people do with it. I warned 'em.....
image
Convenient, though, how this guy cites his own book as the authority for his argument. Weee! Rollercoaster ride for the brain!
Did these prayers also cure wounds, bless weapons and armor, turn sticks into snakes, and call pillars of fire down from the sky?
And why can't this guy resurrect Jerry Fallwel, for example?, surely they would if they could. Or Napoleon?, my cousin is working on his PhD, it would be very useful to him.
Stantz - "Every ancient religion has its own myth about the end of the world."
Zedmore - "Myth? Ray, has it ever occurred to you that maybe the reason we've been so busy lately is 'cause the dead HAVE been rising from the grave?"
But surely, they didn´t find, even in very religious countries, media to report the story. Come on, this is hilarious
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.