[From "Dr. Gerberding or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Vaccines"]

Welcome my fellow goyim; my name is Dr. Frank Einstein and I am here to calm your uneasiness on the question of vaccines. Many of you may or may not know that here recently a lady was jailed due to the fact that she refused to follow the court order to vaccinate her child. The child thankfully has since been vaccinated. Nothing like a little government intervention to give Progress the boost it needs from time to time. Just imagine where the South would be if there had been no forced integration back in the sixties.

Now lets start off with the most ludicrous claim: vaccines cause Autism. As many of you know these claims have been around for quite sometime now and there have been countless studies debunking this fraudulent accusation. The fact that they refuse to do Double Blind Placebo test for most vaccinations is totally irrelevant. I mean how negligent and uncaring would our government have to be to mass-produce vaccines for the public without actually testing them for side affects, if they were potentially that harmful. If you want an example of the wrong way for a government to handle it look at Japan. They just simply banned the MMR vaccine after noticing a large part of the population started developing adverse affects (only including a few instances of Autism, blindness, and death). But what would you expect from a country that allows its schools to use Mein Kampf as “teaching material”. Another argument these delusional people will make, is that the minuscule amounts of heavy metals somehow cause it.

It’s not like the stuff is being injected directly into your child’s bloodstream. If anything this abrupt rise in Autism is a genetic defect due to homogeneous societies. Diversity, our greatest strength, will undoubtedly solve this within a few generations.

Of course there are a few other concerns like how the vaccine industry is set to make $61 billion dollars in profit by 2020. So what if international corporations make a lucrative profit off what you’re injecting into your children, just think of all the refugees they’ve saved by allowing them to acclimate to our society through the miracle of vaccines. Or how we have the highest rate of SIDS in the industrialized world and we are also the most heavily vaccinated. It’s just another freak coincidence my fellow goy, giving these coincidences too much attention can be dangerous. Before too long you’ll be buying into all these conspiracies about globalism and our greatest ally Israel. Speaking of this blessed race the American Jewish Committee gave Julie Gerberding their first ever Woman’s Global Leadership Award. She earned this from not only her tenure as the director of the CDC, but also her current career at Merck where she is the head of their vaccine division. She is truly a champion of global industry and health.

In closing I know there are a few things still not covered such as the infamous “vaccine court” among other things. Yes, there will still be naysayers, people not convinced by the facts so conveniently placed before them. This short essay will in no way placate all the emotional soccer moms enraged at the fact that their precious child may never become potty trained much less start a family of their own. They will have to search a little longer before they can so easily lay the blame elsewhere. I’m just here to remind those of you who aren’t yet too far gone that vaccines are 100% absolutely never ever going to be dangerous.

Don’t look into it. There’s no need. After all you can trust me, I’m a doctor.