To any woman reading this, if your old man uses you as a punching bag, you have my sympathy, and I pray that you get out, and get help, both for you and for him.
But if you're in a relationship with a man who has laid you out cold 2, 3, 4, 5 or more times... I DON'T FEEL AN OUNCE OF SYMPATHY!
If you STAY in an abusive relationship, YOU ARE AS MUCH TO BLAME AS THE PIECE OF SHIT THAT BEATS YOU.
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Yes, victim blamer of the month nominee indeed. What about the women who feel they can't leave because they fear for their lives? Perhaps some don't even realize they are in an abusive relationship, just kinda like a zombie punching bag.
I can just about see where he is coming from - and I do feel that people in general should have more backbone.
This has been a pretty big topic this month, I gotta say.
Unfortunately, an abusive relationship is notorious for destroying someone's self-esteem. And when you have no self-esteem, you naturally cling to other people. If the abusive person is all you have, it is still infinitely preferable in your mind than being utterly alone in your current mental state.
On one hand, I see where he's coming from. On the other, I've actually done a little research (Google is a better god than yours), and I fully realize that many women simply cannot make themselves leave, for one reason or another.
You're as much to blame, huh? So if the abuser stopped hitting her, she'd still be getting beaten, huh? After all, they're equally at fault.
What is *with* you people who say you can "see his point"? Are you not aware that if a person is being severely beaten by a spouse or partner, that person has exceedingly good reason to fear for their life should they attempt to leave? You're creeping me the fuck out with your "I see his point" shit.
Gonzo knows all about pieces of shit, he posts on freecon.
"To any woman reading this, if your old man uses you as a punching bag, you have my sympathy, and I pray that you get out, and get help, both for you and for him."
Yeah, because, you know, it's so easy to just walk out of your home and never look back, especially if there are children involved, or if you don't have a job or any means of support, or if your family are dead/living far away/not interested. Yes, soooooo easy. You idiot .
"To any woman reading this, if your old man uses you as a punching bag, you have my sympathy, and I pray that you get out, and get help, both for you and for him."OK, you seem mostly reasonable so far, though praying isn't going to help.
"But if you're in a relationship with a man who has laid you out cold 2, 3, 4, 5 or more times... I DON'T FEEL AN OUNCE OF SYMPATHY!"
So, if a woman is knocked out she doesn't get any sympathy, but if she is simply beaten, then you are sympathetic?
"If you STAY in an abusive relationship, YOU ARE AS MUCH TO BLAME AS THE PIECE OF SHIT THAT BEATS YOU."
So, beaten women who can't get away from their abusers are to blame? Are they pieces of shit, too?
Abusers work by isolating their spouses from friends and relatives, chipping at their self esteem, and keeping them on a very tight rein economically, and blaming them for their abuse. That being said it's incredibly easy to leave isn't it?
@ Old Viking...
No apologies needed.
I can see his point. If someone keeps returning to an abusive situation they do bear some culpability for their situation.
To be fair, as someone who as a child had to live through his mother being beaten it's rather asinine to deflect all the responsibility of the female. As for fear of your lives - I wouldn't doubt if statistically more women were killed by staying than killed for leaving.
Anyhow, the point is rather moot because you have to make bad choices to get in a situation like that to begin with. It's like letting a heroin addict in your house then having everything stolen. If it comes to the point where someone can mentally and physically abuse you to the point your self-esteem and mental state is that poor, you should have gotten out a long time ago.
Because no abusive husband has ever considered his "spouse" bolting, and rigs the game against that, ie//isolation, so she has nowhere to go, controlling her finances, so she has no money to support herself, or good old fear for her life.
Asshole.
In tenth grade, we watched a video about domestic violence. There was one particularly gruesome part where photos of beaten and bloody women were shown on screen, one after the other. What was especially disturbing was that all the women shown HAD tried to escape from their boyfriends/husbands and these photos were the result.
So, Gonzo, what was your point again? Unfeeling, insensitive cretin.
Nope, she isn't.
In your conservative world the man's in control of everything, the money, the children and you. Whats a girl gonna do?
No, you heartless assholes, she is never to blame. I thought you people were better than that. It's still okay to shit on women, I suppose.
Kudos to the few of you who aren't parroting the "she should just leave" line. The rest make me sick and ought to be ashamed of themselves.
@ Old Viking
"Often the woman has no financial resources to support her (and children) if she leaves. But that's still better than getting killed."
- The flaws in your line of thinking have been noted by others on this board. Many abusers openly threaten to kill their victim and/or her children if she leaves. Many abusers assume complete control of the couples finances and isolate her from friends and family specifically to prevent her form leaving. Furthermore, abuse is intensely psychologically damaging, and psychologically damaged people often have a great deal of trouble making decisions. Abuse tends to shorten a person's vision until they can't see past preserving their lives for the next few hours. Try making long term plans when you're not sure if you're going to be bashed within an inch of your life in the next hour or two.
Both Gonzo and this board illustrate how painfully stupid society is when it comes to understanding the dynamics and the effects of domestic abuse.
Someone doesn't understand abusive relationships, I see. The perpetrator slowly breaks his/her victim down, removes friends and relatives, makes the victim question her/his feelings, acts oh-so-contrite after each beating. Oh, and most beatings-to-death happen when she/he tries to leave the abusive spouse.
In short, you STAY because you DON'T WANT TO DIE.
And no, I've never been in an abusive relationship. It's called knowledge, education, information, Bozo.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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