[On the subject of Objective Morality]

Let’s imagine that at the dawn of history there was no such thing as “Good”. Using some unknown criteria, human beings manufactured this perfect standard of “Good” and began using it (and its antithesis, Bad) to judge between acts, behaviors, and circumstances. If that’s true, then as much more advanced creatures, we should certainly be able to devise heretofore nonexistent standards of our own, right? I came up with one of my own. I call it “Yerg”.

Observe the following two items:
[Here he presents two photos: a bike and a Lamborghini]

Now, can anyone tell me which of these two items is the most “yerg”? Think about it — it’s not that difficult. If I asked you which item was the most blue, you wouldn’t hesitate. Obviously, the bicycle is the most blue. If I asked you which item was the fastest, naturally you would tell me that the Lamborghini is the fastest. Why can’t anyone tell me which one is the most “yerg”?

Oh, I’m sorry—you’re wanting to know what the definition of “yerg” is. To be honest with you, I don’t have any idea what “yerg” means. All I know is that it is a perfect standard by which we judge the above two items on their “yerg-ness”. Perhaps you could take a few minutes to look at those two items and divine a relationship between them that has never been conceived, before. Whatever relationship you come up with, we’ll call “yerg”.

Come up with anything yet? It’s a lot more difficult than it seems, right? That’s probably because it is impossible for us to manufacture a standard of comparison out of thin air that doesn’t already exist. I can’t say that “yerg” relates to the speed of the two objects. That standard already exists. I can’t say that “yerg” relates to the size of the two objects. That standard already exists, as well.

...

Do you see the dilemma? Human beings cannot simply weave nonexistent concepts out of thin air. We cannot even conceive of colors that we have never observed, much less manufacture a complex philosophical notion like moral goodness.

Like the man living in a dark universe who cannot possibly conceive of the idea of light or like the fish who cannot possibly conceive of something like dry land, Good and Bad would be utterly incomprehensible to us if the knowledge of them had not been placed in us by our Creator.

If you still don’t believe it, let me know how you’re making out with that whole “yerg” thing.