(*Butlins*-esque chimes & Tannoy announcement*)
*Bing-Bong*
Hi-De-Hi, Campers!
This is your morning wake-up call, reminding you that this is Friday the 13th, just one week away from your long-awaited 'Great Suck-Off'.
...or should I say, Great Disappointment II:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Disappointment
On the morning of the 22nd, please form an orderly queue at the swimming pools; both outdoor and heated indoor pools will be available for your mass suicides, with Redcoats present, to usher you on your way to the Afterlife (and to pull bodies out, when it gets crowded!). For those waiting to accelerate that never-had-been '(C)Rapture', last refreshments will be available via usherettes; Lyons Maid ice creams & lollies. And Coca-Cola & Fanta soft drinks.
...which will also be available to the audience of holidaymakers here at Butlins, who are 'non-Campers'. Poolside seating will be provided for your comfort; enjoy a drink while you are entertained by said 'Campers' as they drown their own sorrows - literally! Beers, wines and spirits will be served to those holidaymakers wishing to view the 'Campers' suicides at their leisure, and in complete comfort in the Oasis Bar next to the heated pool.
May I remind you that this event is sponsored by The Daily Mirror. Their 'Mirrorgirls' will be out and about, spotting those who have that day's edition of the Daily Mirror. The first ten readers to be spotted, will be given prizes of £10 each; also a simultaneous poolside 'Lovely Legs' competition for the ladies, and a 'Knobbly Knees' competition for the men, with £100 prizes for the winner chosen by our judges. Including for your amusement, a 'Wrinkly Knees' exhibition, of the wrinkliest (as they've been in the water) - and deadest - knees of our Campers. These events also brought to you by The Daily Mirror, Britain's brightest newspaper.
For those wishing a souvenir of the happy event, there will be photographers present to record the day's proceedings for posteriority. 8X10 photos on gloss Ilford paper, as well as slides on Ilford Film (with such also in our traditional keyring viewfinders), will be available for purchase the next day, at the Photographic Shop, situated behind the Children's Theatre.
As usual, all our other amenities and leisure facilities - skating rink, boating lake and miniature railway, chairlift to & from the beach, funfair, arcades, snooker/billiards and table tennis/darts halls, TV/Quiet lounge(s), crazy golf, sports grounds, and various cafes/bars etc - will be open, for those holidaymakers who require other entertainments than watching terminally sad fundies topping themselves. This is Radio Butlin, brought to you by Tannoy of London. Thank you for your attention.
...oh, and remember Campers, just seven days, and counting. Tick... Tick... Tick...!
Hi-De-Hi!
*Bing-Bong*
(*Muzak plays*)
>:D X3
image
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butlins
Ah, Butlins Filey. My family went there every year, from 1969-1982 (My mother played bingo, and usually won the jackpot - £100 or so (a lot of money, especially in the late 60s-early 70s) - thus enabling us to go; sometimes twice in a year, either two one-week periods, or on a few occasions, one big fortnight bash!). Those days during my formative years were the best in my life.