David Bowie Almost Assuredly Went To Hell
When David Bowie lived, he had a whopping net worth of $230,000,000. What good is all that money now? When the rich man died in Luke 16:19-31, he went straight to Hell, suffering in torment, flames, thirst, loneliness and frustration. While enjoying his wealth on earth, the rich man didn't give his eternal destiny a second thought (just as most rich people don't). Unfortunately, after realizing his horrifying fate just seconds after dying in his sleep, it was too late!!! Every atheist becomes a believer immediately the very moment they pass into eternity and feel the fires of Hell. There are no atheists in Hell. I guarantee you that David (Bowie) Jones is no longer a Buddhist. He now realizes what a fool he is, for selling his soul to the Devil, but it's TOO LATE for him!!!
I guarantee you that David Bowie is anything but an atheist right now! Everyone wants to become a Christian when they get to Hell, but it's too late.
28 comments
How do you know David Bowie didn't convert at the last minute? That's all it takes, you know. Do drugs, screw your brains out, eat babies, and kick puppies all the days of your life and then convert. He could be in heaven, if such a thing existed, and could be laughing at you right now, as we all are.
"I guarantee you that David Bowie is anything but an atheist right now!"
So, do you get an email every day listing the new residents of Hell and whether or not they're regretting their decisions? Does this email come from Satan or God? Otherwise, how can you guarantee anything about who is or isn't there?
"There are no atheists in Hell. "
That is correct, David. There is no one else in Hell, either, as it doesn't exist.
Okay, Mr. Stewart. We here on FSTDT have put up with alot of your shit over the years. And we've watched with a feeling approaching bemusement.
But this is where you've crossed the line.
How.
F*cking.
Dare.
You.
Couldn't even wait for the body to be cold before gallivanting in with your 'holier-than-the-desceased' bullshit, could you?
There is no hell, Mr. Stewart. And while I'm tempted to say you'd deserve it if there was one, even that wouldn't be true. So instead, I'll settle for the next best thing: A cold, hard reality.
Mr. Stewart, I hope you die at your proper hour. Hell, even peacefully in your sleep. But when you do die, I hope that you die alone. And miserable. I hope that the last thought that enters your brain before its neurons are snuffed out by the unceasing march of time is the realization of just what an insipid piece of filth you are. I hope the last moments of your wretched life are spent regretting everything you've ever done. I hope no one, not even your own children are there for you when you depart. I hope you die cold and alone, forgotten and completely uncared about. Because that is the only punishment fitting for you: To live just long enough to realize that you're nothing but a spiteful, miserable old man that the world will not miss.
TLDR: Fuck you.
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Funny how you never hear Buddhists saying Christians will go to hell.
I'm surprised he didn't bring up the bisexuality. I guess he decided to give the LGBT community a break for once and pick on the Buddhists.
"David Bowie Almost Assuredly Went To Hell"
'Almost'?
Doubting the existence of Hell much, Davey-boy...?!
Or is the realisation creeping in that there's going to be a very special place in Hell: for you .
I notice that you didn't mention his final album, "Blackstar": particularly the second track, which perhaps is the reason for your doubt in that which you need so much for your own revenge fantasies against those not exactly like you - and perhaps because they're not exactly like you - especially for what'll certainly assure you'll go to Hell: that special place reserved just for you, thus your doubting the existence of such:
"Tis A Pity She Was A Whore".
Another reason for your doubt: you fundies have never proven the existence of the 'Soul'.
Fabulous for this realm of existence, David Bowie didn't die: he just became too credible for mere mortal eyes & ears to perceive.
"I guarantee you that David Bowie is anything but an atheist right now!"
Correct, but for the wrong reason.
What happened to "of the dead say nothing but good", Kiddydiddler?
The money is good for his wife and children, and probably for more charity than the Kiddydiddler has ever donated to.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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