[When asked by another member what everyone will be doing in heaven]
I am going to ask Jesus for a lightsaber.
The first time I was told about Jesus as a small child, the first thing I asked was if Jesus would give me a lightsaber in heaven. 24 or so years later, I still want one.
86 comments
No, BAD fundie!
...ask for an X-wing ;D
Sorry, you don´t get one in heaven.
The "Learner": "Jesus, hey Jesus, can I have a lightsaber? Please? Pretty please? Please, Jesus, please!?"
Jesus: "You'll put your eye out, kid."
Hey, I want a lightsaber as well, but it come somewhere after world peace, an end to hunger, everyone to get out of hell, why he screwed up so badly creating the universer, why he couldn't be bothered to us some evidence, wether there is life on other planets, how gravity works, how quantum theory really works and about a trillion other things.
You have access to the "creator of the world", ad yet all you're asking for is a lightsaber. Not "what is the meaning of life?", or "why do you let bad things happen to good people?", or even "what's in Colonel Sanders' recipe?"
Vwing
Vwing
VWIIIIINNNNNG!
Someone refer the nutter on the smarter than thread to this a hole.
To The Learner
Not entirely fundie. I'd probably do the same thing, too. Or ask to be a magical girl. Because I'm a big dork. XP
But first would come the quest for knowledge! How does gravity really work? What is the entire composition of human blood? What of souls? Can we have some nonviolently-obtained world peace down here? And can we feed all these hungry people and heal all the sick ones up?
That's not how it works, kid. You can pray for all the shit you want for 25 years, and you'll never get any of it. The way it works is; you have to go out and steal the damn saber, then pray for forgiveness later.
That's actually sorta cute, in a nerdy way.
Still, kind of a banal view of heaven, ay?
So I'm assuming your about 30, and you still have the mind of a 5 year old
Oh and Jesus =/= Santa. I really wish you people would get that through your head.
Let me get this straight. You get to go to heaven. And you want to bring a freaking weapon into paradise?
The first time I was told about Jesus as a small child, the first thing I asked was if Jesus would give me a lightsaber in heaven. 24 or so years later, I still want one
Mr. Smith beat me too it but, yea, this dork wants to stroll up to the Prince of Peace and ask for a WEAPON that DOES NOT ACTUALLY EXIST!
And here I'd hoped that if I downloaded enough gay porn, memorized my Dawkins scriptures, blasphemed the name of Jesus every day, and sacrificed enough fetuses to Darwin, God of Liberal Scientifickal Satano-Atheism, I'd get my very own TARDIS.
Way to break my heart, you guys.
This isn't fundie, per se...
It's amusing as hell to me, though.
Either this fellow is a fundie with a sense of humour, or he's a troll (this is the sort of thing I'd say if I was trolling).
But either way, it's fucking brilliant! Not even LoneWolf1984 comes close.
Awww, I kinda want a lightsaber too. Since my personal belief system says that heaven includes all the Coolest Things Ever, there's probably lightsabers there among all the other cool things. (Although, you know, way down the list after Eternal Bliss and Lasting Peace and probably even Hawt Sexing....)
"You have access to the creator of the fucking universe and you want a lightsaber?"
Indeed, i would have asked for an FTL-capable craft which could also be operated in an athmosphere and which would be fitted with a landing computer which would be feeded wirh the coordinates and the information about every interesting planet. (F. example the planet of the willing Twi'lek). In fact, i would be happy if God simply put me on the planet of the willing, sexy, female aliens.
Although, a lightsaber as a bonus wouldn't be bad.
I'd rather ask for an EVA unit (preferably the 01 model Shinji uses). Or maybe ask for the power to summon my Persona, probably via the P1/P2 methods if Jesus is kinda iffy about the evokers and cards.
And possibly Ashbringer just to geek it up some more.
Jesus is, after all, an AWESOME GOD.
@Hollio
"You do that, I'll be asking him for a Gundam."
Me, I want an Intelligent Device like Raging Heart (voiced by Donna Burke, and all), just like Nanoha Takamachi uses.
'Lightsabre'? Meh. Ain't worth shit against being Befriended by a full-on Starlight Breaker attack! >:D
...oh, and a mere 'energy blade'? As for Fate T. Harlaown's Intelligent Device, Bardiche (voiced by Kevin J. England) in Zamber Mode, it's blade can cut through dimensions.
It's one of the reasons why I invested £65 in this figurine:
image
:9
PROTIP: The creators of "Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha/A's/StrikerS" at the anime company Seven Arcs, were inspired by Sunrise's "Gundam".
Besides, you lot have a Jedi in the White House already:
image
So I guess that make you lot at Ruptured Retards Sith . >:D
'Your failure is now complete.'
-Darth Vader
So, basically, you see Jesus as Santa Claus?
These are the people that say blacks vote Dem because they want free stuff….
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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