I need to tell you something about our God. i don'r expect everyone to believe it, but it is absolutely true. God created Hell shortly after the death of Jesus. He was an angry father and chose a punishment that was totally excessive - Hell. He realizes that a parent should not punish a child while the parent is angry. And he now realizes that that is exactly what he did. He regrets ever creating Hell and is in the process of closing it down. One thing that God has never experienced is physical pain. He does not understand the concept of it. When I explained it to him, he dicided that the punishment of eternal pain in Hell was and is much too much. He is now in the process of taking people out of Hell and counting their punishment is finished. That is the kind of God he is. What I've just stated is absolutely true and at this time I have no way to proove it But there will come a day soon, this year, when I will be able to proove it.
42 comments
Yahweh, I second the nomination for a "Holy Shit!" award, or, in fact, for any award you choose to bestow upon this. This is truly a classic of fundie thought and deserves recognition.
<<He was an angry father and chose a punishment that was totally excessive
It wouldn't shock me. When I was 16, I crashed my Dad's car, and he was so angry that he created a plane of existence of fire and brimstone for my eternal punishment too. Maybe God could talk to my Dad and say it might be time to let me out? Please? Seeing as "That's the kind of God he is"???
<<What process by the way? How can it take god a long time to do anything.>>
<When I explained it to him, he dicided (sp) that the punishment of eternal pain in Hell was and is much too much.>
OK, so your God is good and loving except when he flies off the handle and sends most people to hell? And your God is omnicient except when you, an unworthy slave of Jesus, have to explain the idea of pain to him? And, your God is omnipotent expect that it is taking him time to close down hell? You worship this deity why?
You know, I actually felt bad about approving this one, because its probably the most optimistic fundamentalism I've ever seen. Apart from the whole talking to God part which is really bizarre, the message itself (that sending people to Hell is divine injustice) is a surprising step forward.
Wait, so God has no idea what pain is even though he supposedly created it? And even though Jesus supposedly died for our sins, he created hell right after that to punish us? Or was it to punish Jesus for....um, dieing? And it took 2000 years and you explaining it to him for him to realize he was being an asshole?
I'm going to kill myself right now, and go to hell before it closes. Then, I'm gonna buy the excess equipment and adopt Cerberus. (Even three-headed dogs need homes too! Besides, he'd be the talk of the town!) Once I've loaded up on torture equipment, pitchfork-things, weapons, and demons, I'll exploit a bureaucratic loophole and return to Earth. (If it's taking an OMNIPOTENT being such a long time to shut down hell, there must be a dozen loopholes to exploit.) Then, I get to sell everything on the black market, live rich, and pray that God FINALLY figures out how to shut down hell by the time I die. (Sure takes him such a long time for such an omnipotent being, hm?)
The most accurate nomination I can think of is "God's personal trainer".
One thing still confuses me,,,,,, If god 'sacrificed' his son by having him killed,,,,, and then resurrected him again,,,, where exactly was the sacrifice? That's like taking a child's toy away, and giving it back 3 days later,,, a very minor punishment.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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