Would you like help from being Depressed? Abused? Afraid? Tormented? Suicidal? Sick? Alcoholic? Addict? Obese? Homosexual (gay, lesbian)? Witch? Satanist? Brotherhood? Want out of the occult or a cult? Hooked on porno? Dying? Diseased? Molester? Self-Abuse? Bi-polar? Etc.? Get Saved, then cast out these demons!
83 comments
Even if somebody were suffering from any of these health problems, I think medical science would be of better help to them instead of superstitious exorcist practices.
Living in the 21st century is great. You should try it some time.
Brotherhood of what? Nod? Steel? And yeah,as one as the above posters said,an actual medical doctor or therapist would help with most of those. Homosexuality is a demon only to you. Satanists,good luck. Witch,eh..good luck finding one who isn't a Wicca. And as for the occult or cult question,trade one for another! yay! *rolleyes*
This reads like an old TV commercial for over-the-counter medicine!
"Are you plagued with sadness, despair, heartburn, post-nasal drip & ingrown toenails?....then get Evil-Out for those pesky devil-cooties!"
Look, even as a NeoPagan, I'd say "SEE A DOCTOR....NOT AN EXORCIST!!!!"
Even the Catholic Church has enough sense to have a committee that determines if a weird affliction is natural or not....they don't just jump into "The Power of Christ Compels You" jazz willy-nilly! Now if they only had enough sense to tackle the pedophile problem rather than sweeping it under the rug & pretending it doesn't exist.
Trust science sometimes, it works!
It's like they've been reading my mail from the Turn-That-Frown-Upside-Your-Head Sweaty Twitching What's-The-Point Sniffly Red-Eyed Strung-Out Roly-Poly Wicked Queeah (gay, lesbian) Toil-And-Trouble Chicken-Killing Fratboy Kool-Aid-Drinking Slavering Mortal (God forbid) Leprous Rapey Constant Masturbators' and Manic Depressives' Society!
The TTFUYHSTWTPSRESORPWQ(gl)TATCKFKADSM (gf)LRCMMDS can be a little pushy, I guess.
Nice try busters. But I have known plenty of christinsanes that suffered from: Depression, had been abused (some from their clergy and church leaders) Afraid, tormented (mostly by your types), suicidal, plenty of sick christinsanes, and alcoholics as well (and I dont mean sober), addicts, MY GAWD ARE THERE OBESE CHRISTINSANES...... Also, homosexual christinsanes. Hooked on porno also (one was a minister who also left his wife for a stripper), lots of dying christinsanes, and those with diseases, and more than their share statistically of molesters of children. And....those who abused themselves and those that are Bi Polar also.
For only TEN easy payments of $19.99 we WILL drive Satan's Minions out of your soul, and if you act now, within the next 20 minutes, we'll double the offer and give you two exorcisms for the price of one! Order now!
(So like, I see I'm not the only one who got the TV/snake oil salesman type vibe from this. Typed it before reading other comments, oh well.)
Sigh...I was just remebering this website last night while I was drinking. I was remembering how much it provided me with so much unintentional laughter.
No Mapar, I don't think this is a Poe. The author clearly put a lot of effort into this site. It is a huge site. Although I guess it's true that some trolls really have a lot of time on their hands to make shit like this.
This concludes today's discussion entitled, "Why should I take personal responsibility when I can blame demons?" - Brought to you by Christco! Bottom feeders since 34 AD.
Join us here next week when our panel discusses, "Jesus: magic bullet or substitute crutch?"
I love that "abused" is one of the categories.
"So you say you're being abused huh? Well, news flash buddy, it's not your abuser's fault, it's a crazy demon burrowed inside of you that attracts abusers to you like a magnet! They can't help if. It's the demon inside you that makes them punch you, hit you, call you worthless. If anything, we should be feeling sorry for them! You should be ashamed that something inside you is making them do such terrible things."
Absolutely ridiculous.
My little sister had a problem with brotherhood when we were growing up, but I confess; I was the demon.
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@dharmicdalek
Ha ha.
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Know this - EVERYONE has demons, ESPECIALLY CHRISTIANS.
Then what in hell is the advantage of being one?
In the PAISLEY PRINT PATTERN, you have a connection with
Well, OK, I don't want to be connected with Cat Lickers. I'm tossing out all my paisley.
Goat Hair? WTF?
@Brendan Rizzo:As Scott Adams said, "Out, out, demons of stupidity!"
And since one picture is worth a thousand words... :P
image
Their site needs to cast out the demons of godawful 1990s webdesign.
Sure, FSTDT isn't exactly the prettiest site or on the cutting-edge of Web technology, either, but at least it is intuitively navigable, easy on the eyes, and its background doesn't make me taste Pepto Bismol.
Fucking A, where do I start?
"Would you like help from being Depressed? Abused? Afraid? Tormented? Suicidal? Sick? Alcoholic? Addict? Obese? Homosexual (gay, lesbian)? Witch? Satanist? Brotherhood?..."
The first thing I thought of when I read the word "Brotherhood" was "of Steel."
I've been playing too much Fallout.
Man, if 'The Busters' just listen to that fucking atrocious organ music that loops on every page on this site, I could totally forgive them for their idiocy. I think I made it about 20 seconds in before I killed my speakers....
I'm going to be honest. If Christianity or some other moderate religion (Judaism, Hinduism, etc.) helps people leave a dangerous religious cult then I'm all for it.
But only in small doses. Nothing fundy, obviously. That way they can return to stability.
Thoughts?
Also, props to Scorpius for the Command and Conquer reference.
As for The Busters, why should it be a demon who's controlling you? Who are you to say it isn't Yuri?
Wait, wait. So being abused is a demon which needs to be cast out? What wonderful logic! I'll be sure to tell anyone in an abusive relationship that the reason her boyfriend beats her is because she isn't Christian, what a great way to win converts!
So is it a different demon for each one? If so I'm pretty screwed up, what with eight of those applying to me. Do I get a bulk discount?
Edit:
I was depressed, until I got put on anti-depressants. Now I'm actually pretty happy.
That's probably demons, too. Oh well!
"For those of you who demand to see a Scripture before you can believe something, there are NO Scriptures that say YOU do NOT have demons. That should settle it!"
First of all, Poe. Second of all, the Bible doesn't say that I do NOT have PUDDING in my soul
My coffee is cold.
IT'S A FUCKING DEMON MOTHERFUCKER.
My sexual fantasies don't align with the cultural norm.
I'M COOKIN' UP MY BIBLE AS WE SPEAK.
So it's especially Christians that are possessed by demons?
Whew, never been so glad I'm not one of them. But that demons are the cause of people dying (unless it's not a demon, but rather something else) is quite hilarious.
I love how every freakin' problem is blamed on a demon! How very convenient...if only it WERE that easy. Cast out your blame game demon, lol! I do believe in demons but I also believe in taking responsibility for my problems (hint hint).
Arseache? Tense, nervous arseache? Well...:
image
Yes! For immediate relief from butt-sourced effects from Reality, take fast-acting .50 calibre Aspirin! Available from Wal-Mart and all good gunshops.
CAUTION: If symptoms persist, consult your... well, you'll be dead anyway, so who gives a fuck? Your house/car/boat/dog/testicles may be at risk if you do not keep up repayments. Contains nuts. X3
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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