[What will heaven be like]
Let's see, I imagine it as (from what I read) the pearly gate (carved out of 1 Pearl) will be the first thing you see as you walk through them you see the Golden streets, the Golden Mansions, I imagin soem grass with all kinds of flowers, the river of life flowing right beside the golden streets, and 1 BIG golden castle inside being the place where Jesus and God live with God and Jesus' Golden throne and the emerald rainbow surrounding it, all in a 12000 furlong tall, wide, and length area (The pearly gate is on the border). and 12000 furlongs is approx. 6,984,000 feet. So heaven is approx. 6,984,000 feet tall, long, and wide. That's pretty big
65 comments
Glyptodon - It always amuses me when these people seem to think they're among the 144,000 most righteous people in the history of the world. After all, their own bible says that that's how many people will be "saved" from the torments in the Revelation.
So this Borg cube of heaven will have only 144,000 people in it. Let's put everyone on one level to make the math a bit easier. 6,984,000 squared split between 144,000 people comes out to 338,724,000 square feet per person on the ground level. Now, extend that to a column nearly seven hundred thousand stories tall. Heaven is an awfully empty place.
Then again, maybe that would get them to admit that the contents of the Revelation are symbolic. Maybe they'll even start to realize that other things in the Bible are symbolic, too!
...
Riiiiiiight.
It's like pretty-pretty-princess heaven! Oh goody, I totally wanted to live forever in a golden mansion with flowery grass, you know, when I was like, five.
12.000 furlongs is exactly 7.920.000 feet. Which makes heaven even emptier I'm sure.
While we're on the subject of obscure units, the speed of light is about 1,8 trillion furlongs per fortnight. Which I think is a pretty good indicator that this "heaven" is quite insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Even more so than Earth.
Again with the obsession with gold. It's USELESS, people! The only reason it's worth anything at all is because it's difficult to mine, not to mention the enormous social momentum it's gathered over the millennia.
So heaven is approx. 6,984,000 feet tall, long, and wide. That's pretty big
Like your momma.
But how is the cell phone coverage? I mean, I ain't gonna get stuck for eternity with, like, 1 bar of signal and no way to get my text messages.
:)
@Redhunter
What the fuck are 144,000 virgin men going to do for eternity?
You've really got to wonder, why would Gawd decide that the way He wants to spend His eternal retirement is with 144000 virgin males... Rather telling, isn't it? In that line of thought, and considering Biblegod's well-documented pettiness, commanding to put homosexuals to death just to make sure that no "spoiling" of a guy He had His eye on goes unpunished would be rather in character, wouldn't it?
@Redhunter
What the fuck are 144,000 virgin men going to do for eternity? @AdrianYou've really got to wonder, why would Gawd decide that the way He wants to spend His eternal retirement is with 144000 virgin males... Rather telling, isn't it? In that line of thought, and considering Biblegod's well-documented pettiness, commanding to put homosexuals to death just to make sure that no "spoiling" of a guy He had His eye on goes unpunished would be rather in character, wouldn't it?
The popular theory - especially in the castration cults was they were going to sing soprano in the heavenly host!
Yes - people actually chopped their nuts off for that!
And there will be rainbows made of gumdrops, and chocolate bunnies hopping around, and Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and Mother Goose will all be there...
...shoot me.
Heaven Cube is also, of course, fitted with twenty Photon Torpedo launchers, eighty phaser banks, a Cloaking Device, and enough Seven of Nine Look-alikes to give you a boner stiffer than Iron.
I imagine it as (from what I read) the pearly gate (carved out of 1 Pearl) will be the first thing you see as you walk through them you see the Golden streets, the Golden Mansions, I imagin soem grass............
*tssssssssss tss tss tsssssst* Oh wow . . . (cough) uh, Dude, where was I?
that poor oyster, it must have stung like hell getting that pearl out.
Seriously, God's child can't be more than 10. Please tell me this is a kid, otherwise my faith in the species is faltering
Cool,,, 12,000 furlong cube. That's 3,375,000,000 cubic miles. 144,000 saved, gives each one 23,437.5 cubic miles each. Give each a circular area a mile high, and he has a circle about 175 miles in diameter. Pretty empty place, heaven.
Emerald rainbow? Emeralds are one color. Rainbows are multiple colors. Which is it? Emerald or Rainbow?
Heaven must be pretty small if it's only about 1/3 the width of the USA. Even if there were enough people in there to make it standing-room only, that would still be a small percentage of souls from the last 6000 years to make it into Heaven.
Heaven is a giant cube-shaped city made of metal. Kewl.
Behold the face of Heaven, God's Child!
image
Seriously, what a stunted and venal imagination you must have.
Yeah, if you give everyone a hectare of space, that would fit about 3/8 the world's current christians. Oh, except only 144 000 are saved. Now you have 6,3 kilometres to yourself. And if you don't waste all that empty above you, you get 45 kilometres of free floating around. But still, emeralds.
Oh yeah? Well, I'm going to build my own heaven!
With blackjack! And hookers!
In fact, forget the heaven and the blackjack!
Ah, screw the whole thing.
What if what you're imagining is heaven for ANOTHER religion, and you'll never get in because you were worshipping the wrong god?
What evidence do you have that the heaven you're imagining even exists?
Oh, right, exactly the same amount of evidence that you have that your god exists...None.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.