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The Rev. Eric Kalinowski #fundie simplychristian.shoutwiki.com

Sermon 34: Smashing the Idols that Mock the Lord thy God
By The Rev. Eric Kalinowski
Exodus 20:4 commands us: “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath!” We are truly living in the last days! So, what did I find hidden in the parsonage closet of the former youth minister? What was Steven Roland doing with the church's hard-earned tithe money? He wasn't buying soul-winning tracts! He wasn't supporting missionaries! HE WAS SPENDING HUNDREDS OF DOLLARS ON PLASTIC GRAVEN IMAGES OF JAPANESE DEMONS! I walked into that room and I saw them. Rows and rows of these “figurines” which is just a fancy word for WICKED SINFUL DOLLS! Little plastic women in immodest attire, lingerie, and provocative swimwear! He had that purple-haired spirit demoness, and worst of all, he had MULTIPLE versions of that anti-God clock witch wearing her salacious undergarments! A 31-year-old grown man, who claimed to be single for the Lord, keeping a secret harem of plastic Jezebels in his closet! It is the epitome of an EMASCULATED, DEGENERATE lifestyle! A man throughly and utterly emasculated who claimed to be chaste for the Lord but it was merely an excuse for why he has no wife and no family! He tried to tell me they were “rare collectibles” from Japan! He tried to tell me they hold their value! SINFUL TRASH HAS NO VALUE UNTO THE LORD! I wanted to grab those plastic abominations, take them out to the gravel lot behind the church, and crush them under the tires of my truck! I wanted to smash this utter treachery into the dirt where it belongs! Woe to the man who worships plastic over the King of Kings! GET THIS FILTH OUT OF YOUR HOMES LEST YE BE ON THE ROAD TO PERDITION!

Bro. William H. Grimes #fundie simplychristian.shoutwiki.com

Supplemental Sermon 9: A New Season
By Bro. William H. Grimes

As the semi-retired former senior pastor of the New Teacher Baptist Church and former leader of this online ministry, I have been beyond delighted to see the impact our ministry has had in Metro Detroit and beyond. When we began this online ministry, we had an admittedly ambitious goal of being a replacement for the far-left atheistic Darwinist Wikipedia and the other site Conservapedia which sadly lost its way long ago. However, with our current staff, long hiatus, and the needs of our local in-person ministry, we have decided to take this ministry to a radically different direction.
I’ve personally seen to it that Pastor Eric becomes a stellar example of a senior pastor, and that Bro. Kyle has all the holy wisdom and guidance he needs to be a highly effective minister to the youth, as we continue to recover from the extreme damage done to this ministry by Mr. Roland. Seeing him on camera in footage on Local 4 News at a den of inequity in a t-shirt with an animated vixen is the ultimate insult to what this ministry stands for and we are so thankful Bro. Kyle uniquely understands the pernicious nature and power of this siren’s call! WE MUST NOT LEAVE ANYTHING TO CHANCE IN THIS WICKED DARK AGE FOR THE ENEMY IS IN THE CONVENTION CENTER, THE STREET, THE LOCAL MEIJER, AND EVEN IN YOUR BEDROOM WITH SMARTPHONES AND HIGH SPEED 5G INTERNET! IF THEY CAN GET A FORMER PASTOR TRAINED IN THE RIGHTEOUS WAYS, THEY CAN GET ANYONE!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
That is to say, this online ministry needs to change with the times. We will explore more biblical preaching and analysis and training and we will no longer focus on encyclopedic entries not because it isn’t important but because with our limited manpower and time to stop the snares of the devil, we have to use our limited resources the best we can! We also expect to ditch the wiki format entirely in the future in favor of potentially our own blog because Shoutwiki has forced us to use a bot checker that features a wicked Japanese animated siren iconography! IT IS ABOMINABLE IN THE HOUSE OF GOD! WE WILL LET YOU KNOW WHEN WE FIGURE OUR PLANS TO BE THE SALT OF THE EARTH, TO HELP REACH THE LOST FOR WE LIVE IN THE END OF THE LAST DAYS! God’s people said AMEN!