All evolutionists, atheists, agnostics, Hindoos, Muslims, Jews, Mormons, witches, communists, satanists and wannabe 'liberal' Christians will be left behind. What can they expect? The Bible tells us exactly what's coming: FAMINE; PESTILENCE; A MIGHTY WORLDWIDE EARTHQUAKE; ONE THIRD OF THE EARTH BURNT TO A CINDER; A MIGHTY METEORITE CRASHES TO EARTH; ONE THIRD OF THE ENTIRE POPULATION WILL BE MURDERED BY SATAN'S ARMY; NOISOME AND GRIEVOUS SORES ALL OVER YOUR BODY; ALL SEAS AND RIVERS TURN TO BLOOD; AND LOTS MORE BESIDES.
If Barack Hussein Obama wins tomorrow, THAT'S PRECISELY WHAT WILL HAPPEN.
KING JESUS IS COMING BACK!!!! REPENT, FOR TIME IN SHORT.
51 comments
Okay, when the meteors and the rivers turn to blood all actually happen, we'll agree that you're right.
Until then, we'll just agree that you're batshit crazy.
Revelation also says 1/3 of the stars fall to Earth, which is blatantly impossible.
"wannabe 'liberal' Christians"
Umm, I think we will all be laughing at you in 4 years, when we are all still here, and you are adjusting your rapture time-table for the zillionth time
FAMINE; PESTILENCE; A MIGHTY WORLDWIDE EARTHQUAKE; ONE THIRD OF THE EARTH BURNT TO A CINDER; A MIGHTY METEORITE CRASHES TO EARTH; ONE THIRD OF THE ENTIRE POPULATION WILL BE MURDERED BY SATAN'S ARMY; NOISOME AND GRIEVOUS SORES ALL OVER YOUR BODY; ALL SEAS AND RIVERS TURN TO BLOOD; AND LOTS MORE BESIDES.
You can get the same feelings by sitting through one Sunday church service.
I call a poe... I mean, spelling "Hindoos" wrong but able to spell meteorite, pestilence, and grievous?
Oh god, not Garvan the great again. Why does he always spell Hindu as "Hindoo"? Asswhole. And we will all be left behind? Left behind from what?
"REPENT, FOR TIME IN SHORT" This is my favorite part of the whole post. I love fundy grammar.
And these, slack-jawed, inbred, subhuman fundies wonder WHY we're atheists?! Just listen to yourselves, freaks!
One would wonder if this person voted for McSame or Obama. Technically, another vote for Obama would be putting his money where his mouth is to bring about the desired result of Rupture. So if Garvan really believes it to be true, did he do the right thing?? Well? Did he?
I really doubt it.
And you know this...how again? I don't remember Jesus giving us a date of return.
By the way, remove your caps lock key.
Cut your bullshit. If this is gonna happen if Obama gets elected, no doubt it's gonna happen when McCain wins.
GTFO this country. We could use less of your narrow-minded white fundies.
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But I thought you people wanted the Rapture to happen? You know, as in "I can't wait to be lifted up to Jesus' arms" and all that. You're not going to be left hehind, after all, and it's clear you won't care about those of us who are, so what's the deal? Are you suddenly afraid that maybe you won't be among the Chosen after all, or you really don't want it to happen?
Make up your freakin' minds!
AND LOTS MORE BESIDES.
Holy shit!
>> If Barack Hussein Obama wins tomorrow, THAT'S PRECISELY WHAT WILL HAPPEN.
Okay, got it - so fate of the world depends on some people somewhere far away from here coming to some some decision, and it has *zero* to do what people believe here. Thanks for absolving the rest of the world from the burden of excess fundie belief (and allowing us to believe whatever the heck we want to, and just mind our own business), because we can't vote in US elections and thus can't affect the outcome!
Edit:
Since cyclists, "Matrix" fans, vegetarians and homosexuals have been left off the list, nothing will happen. Oh, and the Swiss.
Garvan, I hope you will remember this when the results come in and Obama wins, as seems likely. When your words fail to come true, will you then kill yourself as a false prophet?
BTW, Hindoo is a slightly archaic spelling version of Hindu. Strictly speaking it's still accepatable.
"REPENT! FOR THE END IS NIGH!!"
Stupid Christians have been saying this every single day for 2,000 years... you'd think they'd have a new gimmick by now.
Time is not that short, apparently. Two years later and we are still here. Sure, there is famine and pestilence, but we've had those for thousands of years.
So, Satan is only going to murder one third of the world's population? God murdered the entire population, save eight people, with his flood thing. Guess Satan is less murderous than God, then.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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