If I were the Devil, I would relentlessly try to get people to worship God in error. I would offer them a new Bible(s) with nice features to make it look attractive, but I'd change key passages concerning Jesus Christ to confuse them. I'd try to get them to substitute spirituality for theology. I'd confuse them by getting them to use dozens of different Bible versions. I'd deceive them to think that people couldn't be saved unless they cease from sinful activities, conning them into living the Christian life without ever being born-again.
If I were the Devil, I'd try to get church pastors and staff to promote the music program as a higher priority than the preaching from the pulpit. If I were the Devil, I'd lure the church staff and school teachers to use Walt Disney themes for their youth, encouraging them to embrace the Godless Walt Disney corporation. Disney's new CEO is a flaming homosexual. Disney's previous CEO said that he believes at least 40% of Disney's 163,000 employees are homosexuals. As our American culture accepts homosexuality, our churches are following in pursuit, promoting sex-perverted Walt Disney to children. I heard Pastor Joel Osteen mention taking his daughter to see Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) in concert. Hardly anybody who names the name of Jesus cares anymore. Hannah Montana is of the Devil. Miley Cyrus is a slutty bimbo and a sickening disgrace to her bad parents and apostate America. No Christian ought to support Walt Disney. Disney is an Illuminati company, promoting the agendas of the New World Order. For example: Villains In Walt Disney's New Captain America Comic Are Opponents Of Illegal Immigration. America's sovereignty is long gone! Walt Disney is anti-American, anti-Christian, anti-family and straight from the pits of Hell beneath.
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If I were God, I'd make it clear which bible to follow, what programs I want pastors to promote, I'd get Disney to start making better cartoons again like they used to make in the 90's, and I'd keep this guy away from children.
If you believe you can only be truly saved if you don't repent at all, then why do you froth at the mouth over pants-clad women and Taylor Swift supporters and other petty things? Do you believe that in order to be "born again," you HAVE to keep living like you did before, because repentance cancels out salvation? What the fuck are you talking about?
Walt Disney died 50 years ago. Why can't you just say Disney, or The Walt Disney COMPANY, like a regular person would? Well, a regular person probably wouldn't believe that Disney is working with the Illuminati to pave the way for the Antichrist...
"Walt Disney is anti-American, anti-Christian, anti-family and straight from the pits of Hell beneath."
And they keep promoting careers for pretty young girls that you can't get your hands on. That's your real grievance, isn't it David? That and the fact that sane people don't spit at gays any more but are still spitting at you.
Walt Disney is anti-American, anti-Christian, anti-family and straight from the pits of Hell beneath.
Right! This is how I've always visualized Satan:
image
If I were the Devil, I would relentlessly try to get people to worship God in error.
Hey Dave, guess what...you are the devil.
"If I were the Devil, I would relentlessly try to get people to worship God in error. I would offer them a new Bible(s) with nice features to make it look attractive, but I'd change key passages concerning Jesus Christ to confuse them."
You've clearly never read a history book. Specifically one about the monarchs of Britain; including a certain James I. Who authorised a certain version of the Bible. 'change key passages concerning Jesus Christ to confuse them' and 'If I were the Devil, I would relentlessly try to get people to worship God in error', you say DJS?
Whoops!
The sexuality of the CEO of a major media corporation is the least of your problems.
Your scrawny littler "devil" would have nothing on me. If I were the devil, I'd do all I could to convince people that they are in a perpetual state of war with their neighbours, no matter which people and which neighbours. I'd try to convince them that they should be afraid, of everyone, all the time. I'd argue they have a right to an attitude of superiority over others based on ancestral pride if for no other reason.
I'd play on people's darkest impulses and instincts to alienate them from one another to such an extreme that they barely consider members of the other gender to be members of the same race, let alone anyone else. My pawns would be xenophobic and extremist, deliberately ignorant through acts of self-censorship not merely in what they say but in what they allow themselves to learn and from where.
...and if one of my people turned out to be a hypocrite and a danger to children as well, then all the better.
If I were the devil I'd write a book. A book that gets translated multiple times. Which people would fight over right one. One where people don't actually read it but use it to justify prejudices. Where people like Stewart, our Jerry, Grace Kwon Kim and other fundies show they know not what they discuss thus making it harder to proselytize for other adherents.
"If I were the Devil-"
Dave, don't flatter yourself. Even the traditional Devil isn't nearly evil and hate-filled enough to be compared to you .
How's that quote again, from a certain Shepherd? "...you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater." SPECIAL HELL, DJS. Special Hell...
One more time, Davie, I know you want to shout it from the rooftops: "Religion - you're doing it wrong, all wrong!!!!?" And once again, you are greeted with silence. You're the only one who knows all the proper magic spells, and nobody will listen to you. Sucks to be you.
If I were the Devil I would appear in the flesh and relentlessly promote myself as 'not such a bad bloke really'. Think chat shows, autobiography, charity drives, celebrity reality TV (in which I would mentor young Miley) and late-night debates with religious people. Ray Comfort would shake my hand, Vox Day would convulse on the floor as he shat his pants and Ann Barnhardt would weep silently in my arms as I held her gently, murmuring in her ear how I would heal her pain.
Oh yes and being the Devil, I'd also find a way of bonking Milla Jovovich. After all, she is the Supreme Being.
"If I were the Devil, I would relentlessly try to get people to worship God in error."
I have long suspected you are the Devil because of this.
If I were the Devil, I would relentlessly try to get people to worship God in error.
You mean, like the way you do?
Funny. If I were the Devil, I'd just convince people that Jesus was a slobbering, monomaniacal engine of jealousy and hatred who resented each and every tiny spark of individuality and humanity in His followers and punished them at the drop of a hat. I'd spread the heresy that He wanted His followers to crush every bit of joy in the lives of others and completely disregard their own consciences, intellect, sheer logic and the evidence of their own senses, and I'd relentlessly downplay His message of hope, healing, love, forgiveness and charity until it was completely overshadowed by fury, rage, greed, and hatred of anyone and anything different.
Then I'd sit back relax while people like you do all the heavy lifting for me, because they'd either become exemplars of horror like you, or disillusioned cynics like me.
And if I were the devil I would claim that only one version of the bible was real and all others were corrupt copies that I tampered with when in reality of that "true" version was corrupted by me.
The King James Bible would be my greatest work.
A new Bible? You mean like the KJV, commissioned by "Queen" James and his not-really-hidden-agenda?
Yeah, how horrible; people living good lives, helping their fellow human beings!
You do know that the "music program" is a good way to remember what you're going to preach, and a common way to hold sermons in ancient times, right?
Using Disney themes is a good way to lure the young, who are probably bored stiff by the stuffy stuff in the Bible.
Calm down, honey! You won't ever be able to go to Disney World anyway, as you're ousted as a Kiddydiddler, and deported to Guam. Who's more anti-American; the darling company of the States, or the deported hebephile?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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