Note: this quote was originally presented on two separate pages. The first part is linked directly below; the second part is linked in the attribution.

I have a tinder date this Saturday night, and I want to rape her...

My girlfriend of 5 years recently broke up with me, and by recently I mean 4 days ago. I feel suicidal and feel like I have nothing to lose by doing this. I've always had fantasies of raping a woman, so I figured I might as well do it now. I have an exit plan if I get caught, and I wouldn't mind ending it if that happens. I've never done this in the past because I didn't want to ruin my life, but I just don't care anymore. I started using tinder for the sole purpose of finding a woman that I can act out my fantasies on.

I'm planning on getting her drunk and having her come back to my house. I'm about a foot taller than her, so holding her down should be no issue. I don't know if that's a good way to proceed. Any suggestions?

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It’s been a week, and I wanted to update last Sunday, but I’ve been too afraid to say anything. This is really stupid, but I know I truly have nothing to lose at this point. I did it. She almost didn’t come back to my house at the end of the date, but I was able to convince her I had no ill intentions. I could tell she didn’t really want to, but did it out of politeness. She was pretty tipsy when it happened. We started fooling around on the couch, but she wasn’t looking to have sex. I kept going and pushing her boundaries. She kept telling me to slow down, and she was getting more annoyed. I could tell she wanted to leave and before she could get the chance, I got on top and pinned her and kept kissing on her neck. She was resisting and telling me to get off of her. I ignored her. I was thinking I should stop, but I felt like I had gone too far already, and I had wanted to do this for years.

It eventually turned into her begging me to stop which got me going like crazy... About a minute or two in she stopped resisting and just kept on sobbing. It felt too good for me to feel bad about what I was doing at the time, but after I finished I regretted it. I could really see what a mess she was emotionally. As soon as I got off of her, she rushed to get dressed and get her stuff and go. I didn’t want to let her leave since I was afraid of what she would do, so I stood between her and the door. She was crying and shaking and hyperventilating and was clearly really afraid of me. She wouldn’t let me near her, and I could see in her face how scared she was, so I just decided to back off and let her leave. I knew I was prepared to deal with the consequences, so I just accepted it. I could see her on her phone before she disappeared around the corner and was sure the police would be at my door that night. I had my gun and was absolutely ready to kill myself that night.

This past week I’ve been laying low. I haven’t been to work. I’ve barely left the house. There has been no contact on either side. She’s blocked me on everything. She hasn’t made any social media updates since that day, so I don’t know what she’s thinking or planning. I’m still ready to go though. I really have nothing to live for.