Jesus was a pretty tough guy. If he was born in 21st century Britain, instead of 1st century Palestine, people would soon wake up to the fact Jesus is not a guy who is easily messed with. He would be be a damn tough kid at school, and would take cheek from no one. He would not be the bed-wetting sissy the liberals make him out to be: he would be into manly things like sports and hunting and fixing up old cars. He was, if I need to remind anyone, a carpenter in his day, which is a pretty hardy profession. Today, he'd probably be a miner or construction worker. They'd probably send him to prison nowadays instead of crucifying him - but he'd be 'top dog' inside and no-one would dare mess with him or his disciples. That is the Jesus of the Bible, and it's the Jesus that the liberals don't want anyone to know about.
77 comments
Jesus: didn't he say, "Turn the other cheek." So yeh, I see him as radical, much like MLK, Voltaire etc. He probably was moral but not incorruptible. But, just LMFAO! Oooh I got piccy hold on.
I'm just imagining Jesus in prison clothes. "I'm the Son of God, and these boys here are my bitches."
Actually, that kinda makes the whole 'deciples' thing make sense...
They'd probably send him to prison nowadays instead of crucifying him - but he'd be 'top dog' inside
Great, just the mental image I need, Jesus asserting his dominance by anally-raping his fellow prisoners. I'm going to throw up.
and no-one would dare mess with him or his disciples.
Have you even read the New Testament?
I think the "Man Show" has a new co-host, Jesus, the man's man! But all that "love they neighbor", and "turn the oher cheek" stuff he talked about. What's actually in the Bible about Jesus, that's the stuff fundy Christians don't want anyone to know about. Anyone else get the feeling that fundy Christianity is reaching cult-like levels?
Hi sinner 1385030584839409695,
there is absolutely nothing about Jesus as a top dog gangsta in the bible. You are lying about the bible. You will burn in hell for eternity because you have spread heretic doctrines.
Kind regards, CU in hell
Blakey,
P.S.: Every time I hear someone bragging about doing "manly things" I smell a new contender for our new and completely refurbished "homosexual-in-the-closet-damning-open-gays" part of hell, all with new, extra hot, lava whirlpools, poisoned-porcupine massage parlors and all-over-body-waxing with boiling bitumen
Wow. Someone has ignored 90% of the Gospels. Congratulations, Garvan, you've just proved you know nothing about your own religion. Quite ironic, considering you consider religion the most important thing in your life.
Exactly, God's human incarnation wouldn't be some whiny liberal pussy, he'd be a great military leader who came to lead the Jews in a violent uprising against their Roman oppressors ... oh wait ... was that last time ???
He's your imaginary friend, you can imagine him in any way you like.
Jesus: When he turns the other cheek you better watch out...
I'm a liberal who likes manly things like sports, hunting and fixing up old cars.
I just don't believe in your bullshit Jesus because I'm smart.
1. I think we can safely say that Palestine is a far tougher place to grow up than Britain... One is a socialist country whose main problems seem to be economical due to the idiocy of a conservative government and the other is a country who lives and dies at the whims of a group of people who think they have a ludicrous religious claim to a piece of land.
2. Bed wetting tends to be quite common in the male children who are more aggressive. Often the aggro is in response to the bed wetting and the child asserts himself by tormenting others.
3. I know plenty of women who play sport and "fix cars". Its not a special skill. It is just plumbing.
4. Carpenter, Miner, Construction worker... All we need is an american indian and a police man and he can be a one man village people tribute...
5. I know plenty of people called Jesus in prison...
I love the reply that this one got on the website.
"fred the bus driver said...
Hey Garv,
It is good that you are protesting against this Hindu rally.
Some of us at church are thinking of getting a bus together and going up to protest at a certain Chicago university. Apparently this university is distributing FREE COPIES OF DARWIN to students and indoctrinating their vulnerable young minds through lectures espousing the ideas of evolution. Read more here:
http://www.northwestern.edu/onebook/About_One_Book.html
I know that you have an interest in education, so perhaps you would consider writing to the President of this university to protest against this breach of academic freedom.
God bless,
Isn't that what they do? Distributing copies of books describing their own beliefs?
Read your Bible dolt, You would be one of the first to send Jesus to prison or crucify him Garvara just like the Pharisees, because he wouldn't fit your nonsensical neo-con mold anymore than he fit their militant messiah mold.
Does anyone else think that this obsession with manliness is really Celestiadamn gay? Not that being gay is bad or anything, it's just that these people usually seem to think it is, and yet they say stuff like this...
You mean that though guy who told people to turn the other cheek if anyone hit them, and who mended the ear of the soldier when one of his disciples cut it off, when the soldiers were about to arrest Jesus. The tough guy who said "that which you do to the least of my people, you do unto me", and "love thy neighbor as yourself". You're the one who hasn't ready the Bible thoroughly.
Carpentry has parts of it that you probably consider sissyish. Intarsia for example, fine-chiseled decorations and woodturning.
@Often Partisan
This guy needs to re-read the Bible (shameless echoing of everyone else's thoughts).
So this guy's basically saying that Jesus would be a chav...?
well mate im down wiv dat me nigga cuz dat like well gel turn de uvver cheek innit!
If Arthur Scargill was the Second Coming, then I'd worship him. Only he could stand up to the real Antichrist that is Maggie Thatcher (*spit *).
...and like Jesus - as a zombie - he'd be infinitely more intelligent than Thatcher (*spit *), who's gone loopy. And Zombie Arthur would be exponentially more awesome.
If he'd managed to make it to thirty years old in Roman occupied Palestine, he probably was pretty tough. A lifetime of manual labour, very basic repetitive diet, walking everywhere, and a society without much in the way of sanitation or basic medical practices would ensure that anyone who reaches adulthood has the fitness levels of todays trained infantrymen.
So, all that about "turn the other cheek" and "that which you do unto the least of my people, you do unto me" was all hogwash?
Liberals say Jesus was bed-wetting? Why? When?
Why wouldn't he be carpenter now too?
Have you read the Bible, dearie? Nor have I, not from cover to cover, but the parts I have read don't fit with your version of him. Sure, he damned the fig-tree for the crime of not bearing fruit off-season, but he fixed the ear of the soldier when one of his disciples sliced it off when the soldiers came to arrest him and he said that his mom and one of his disciples should take care of each other after he was gone.
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
To post a comment, you'll need to Sign in or Register . Making an account also allows you to claim credit for submitting quotes, and to vote on quotes and comments. You don't even need to give us your email address.
