ROFL
How many times have you looked at a dog licking his private parts and
thought, “Hmm, if only I could do that”? You’re not alone. Rest assured
that most, if not all men have thought the exact same thing. Some have
even attempted it. But despite the interest, few men discuss the act of
autofellatio, or self-sucking. So here’s a guide to tell you everything
you want to know about the art of solo sucking.
Because They Can
Some people, especially women, may wonder why guys would want to give
themselves a BJ. The answer is pretty simple it’s the same reason why
dogs lick themselves down there
because they can. A self-service blowjob
is just like masturbation, only better. You get all the stimulation of a
hot, wet mouth, but you get it just the way you like it. On the downside,
there are no surprises, and self-sucking may kind of be like trying to
tickle yourself
but on the upside, there are no bad surprises, like
scraping teeth or sloppy technique. Additionally, a lot of guys get
turned on by ejaculating on themselves and even swallowing their own cum.
Self-sucking gives you the most efficient delivery method if you’re into
eating your own.
You’ve Got to Flex It
In order to suck yourself off, you need to have one of two things
(preferably both): a very flexible spine, or a very long dick. Having a
longer penis obviously makes self-sucking easier by decreasing the
distance from your cock head to your mouth, so the longer your dick, the
less you have to bend. However, since penis length is something you
either have or don’t, we’ll concentrate on what you can do to increase
your spinal flexibility.
Fortunately, in order to self-suck, you don’t have to have an enormous
cock. Many guys who are just average sized (5 to 6 inches hard) can do
it. Unless you were born double-jointed or have been practicing yoga for
the last 10 years, it will probably take some time and practice to get
your dick and your mouth to meet up. Other prerequisites are overall
health of your back and neck. If you have a slipped disk, misaligned
vertebrae, or any other chronic back problem, we don’t advise attempting
autofellatio. Even those with healthy and normal backs need to exercise
caution and not push themselves when self-sucking to avoid back injuries.
Besides a bad back, having a huge gut is another impediment to self-
sucking. You can probably work around a small beer belly, but if you have
a major overhang, it’s going to get in the way and block you from your
goal. So, if you’re not quite in shape, start reaching for your toes and
crunching those abs.
Get in Position
The easiest and probably most effective position for autofellatio is
lying on your back. You’ll probably want to use a bed, sofa, or other
cushioned surface for comfort, although practicing on a carpeted floor
can sometimes give you better leverage. You should have a wall or a
headboard nearby to brace your feet against. Lie down (naked, of course)
with the top of your head at least a foot from the wall. Pull your legs
up and roll back onto your shoulders, raising your legs over your head.
Brace your feet on the wall and “walk” your way down until your crotch is
close to your face. Lift your head up if necessary to get closer. If your
back feels tight, don’t strain to reach your cock, even if it’s
tantalizingly close. Just let your muscles stretch. You may want to use
one hand to pull your cock closer. Suck what you can, if you can
otherwise, just wank and keep practicing.
A variation on this position is the gravity-assisted method, where you
simply lie back, throw your legs up over your head, and let gravity pull
them down. To help out, you can hook one or both arms behind your knees
and pull towards you. Don’t pull too hard or strain yourself. With both
of these positions, be careful about putting too much pressure on your
neck or pulling on it too hard.
If you can get your mouth around your cock head, you’re doing great. Just
use your tongue and lips to stimulate yourself. The cock head is the most
sensitive part of your dick anyway. If you are able to get your mouth
around a significant portion of your cock, you can either move your head
up and down to get a sucking rhythm going, or flex your legs and back to
move your lower body up and down. Probably you will want to alternate
these to avoid fatiguing your neck or back.
The seated position is another good one for autofellatio beginners.
Simply sit on the edge of a chair, couch, or bed, and bend down towards
your dick, curving your back. Be sure you suck in your gut to get it out
of the way. Grab onto the edge of whatever you’re sitting on and use it
to pull yourself further down. Or hook an arm under your knees and pull
up. You may want to keep one hand on your dick to steady it, or to pull
it upwards towards your mouth. In this position you need to use a bobbing
motion of your head or upper body to go down on yourself. Again, don’t
strain your back or neck or move too suddenly.
Tantric Yoga for One
If you’re already really flexible, or you’ve mastered the basic positions
and are ready to move on, you can try a more advanced posture. In the
lying position, place your knees on either side of your head and see how
far down you can lower your crotch. Some guys are so limber they can get
their balls in their mouths. Those with really flexible hip joints can
attempt the human pretzel maneuver, where you put your feet up over your
head and essentially fold yourself in half, then lock your legs into
position by crossing your feet behind your head.
Standing positions are also more challenging. Start by leaning your back
against a wall for support and doubling over. You can clasp your hands
behind your thighs and pull down to get yourself closer. As you get more
flexible and improve your balance, stand away from the wall and reach
down and grasp your calves for stability.
Taking yoga classes or practicing yoga at home is actually a good idea
for improving your mobility and range of motion for self-sucking. Many
yoga postures, such as the plow (lying with your feet extended over your
head) lend themselves naturally to autofellatio. Just try not to think
about it too much during yoga class so you don’t pop a boner.
OK, Now What?
Once you’ve got your dick in your mouth, what do you do? Even if you
don’t have cocksucking experience, we assume most of you won’t have much
trouble figuring this one out, but here are some suggestions if you need
them. Run the tip of your tongue around the head of your cock, or under
your foreskin if you’re uncut. Stick the tip of your tongue in the piss
slit. Try licking and tickling the frenulum, which is on the underside of
your cock head (the top side, from a self-sucking perspective). Wrap your
lips around the cock head and apply suction. Suck in more and pull your
cock in past your lips, then pop it in and out. If you’re long enough or
limber enough, go ahead and try deep-throating it.
More Tips
Self-sucking can be strenuous and physically demanding. Here are other
tips to help you get ready and warmed up:
Stretch before your session; make sure you stretch the muscles of your
back, neck, and legs to avoid cramping or pulled muscles.
Drink plenty of water to keep your muscles hydrated; this also prevents
cramping, injuries, and fatigue.
Make sure your stomach is empty; wait an hour or two after a meal, and
empty your bowels if possible. It’ll be more comfortable and your stomach
contents won’t get in the way when you double over.
Don’t strain yourself and stop if you feel any pain.
Vary positions to avoid putting too much strain or pressure on the same
muscles and parts of your spine.
If At First You Don’t Succeed
Don’t be disappointed if you can’t get your mouth on your cock the first
time you try autofellatio. Self-sucking doesn’t come naturally to
everyone. It can take discipline and practice, but as you keep at it, you
will become more flexible. If at first you don’t succeed, just wank
yourself off and call it good. The next time you’ll get a little closer
to your goal. Some statistics say that only 1% of all men can self-suck,
but we think that with practice and stretching, most guys should be able
to at least make some mouth-to-cock contact, even if it’s only on the tip
of the head. If nothing else, practicing self-sucking will make you more
flexible and possibly increase your overall well-being. So take it slow,
work with what you’ve got, and try to have fun.
