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It's a Wonderful Race, After All

by James Bronson (part 2)

"I don't understand. According to my recollections from Geography class, the great pyramids should be near this very spot. We ought to be able to see them from miles away," said George.

"Well, George, I'm sure your professors at the college never told you this, but the ancient Egyptians were not black or brown. They were Caucasians. The anthropologists who examined the Egyptian mummies confirmed this fact. There are no pyramids and no Sphinx either. And the Carthaginians were white too."

George became depressed, but he was determined to prove his beliefs. "What's in Europe?" he asked.

"Europe became populated by Huns and other Asiatic tribes. They've settled down a bit but life is much the same as it is in North America. A nomadic existence based on hunting and food gathering. No great cities, no science, no buildings, no culture, no fine art – just a hard daily struggle against life and the elements of nature. In a Europe without evil Whites, the Roman Empire never existed nor did the Greeks. There was no Renaissance either."

"Take me to Asia then. Surely the great civilizations of Persia, India, China, and Japan will suit me" George said. "Clarence, to the Taj Mahal please."

"The Taj Mahal?" replied the angel. "Don't you know that the ancient Persian and Indian civilizations were established by ancient Indo-European tribes who crossed the Himalayas? They are the ones who civilized India and built the Taj Mahal. Those are the great civilizations that Marco Polo, Columbus, and others were searching for. Did you know that Iran is Persian for "land of the Aryan?"

George said: "Don't tell me that the Indians were White men! That can't be. In the world I came from, I knew many Indians and they were not White!"

Clarence explained: "As the centuries passed, the Indo-Europeans who created Indian civilization intermarried with the native majorities who populated the Indian subcontinent. Gradually there were less and less evil White people until they faded out completely, along with the advanced civilization they had built. You will notice that there are still a few white-skinned and fair-haired Indians and Pakistanis around today -- in the world you came from that is.

George became worried. He knew he could never fit into the harsh primitive world he had been thrust into. Suddenly he thought of Japan. "Japan! I'll show you now Clarence. Take me to Japan. If the Japanese can make TVs and cameras then I'm sure I'll find a decent civilization that I can live in."

Clarence transported George to Japan. George observed that Japanese society was the most orderly, advanced and civil that he had seen, but it seemed as if almost everyone was a rice farmer, a fisherman, or a soldier. There were no cars, no skyscapers, no lights, no stereos, no sciences, no technologies, and no universities. It was a stagnant agricultural society that seemed to have reached its high water mark and was incapable of moving forward. George knew he could not live here either.

Clarence explained to George: "Even the industrious Japanese and Chinese peoples had to rely on the evil Europeans to build the modern Asia that you had in mind. In this world, Japan exists exactly as it did before Commodore Perry's American naval ships arrived in Japan in the 1850s. There's no industry, no technology, no Fuji film, no Sony, no Hitachi, no Panasonic, no Toyota, no Sushi bars, no baseball...none of the trappings or comforts of modern life. These things don't exist in Japan or anywhere else because Europeans weren't there to create them and share them with the rest of the world. Would you care for a bowl of rice George?"

George began to feel sick in both his body and his mind. Not only was he depressed, but exposure to the harsh elements of nature had left him physically ill. "Clarence, I seem to have contracted some type of sickness. I must have some anti-biotics."

"Anti-biotics? There's no...

"Oh shut up already! Then just take me back to the world as it was!"

"Sorry George. I'm not authorized to do that. Only my boss can make that call."

Clarence said to him: "You see George. Your father was right. You really had a wonderful race. Don't you see what a foolish mistake it is to be ashamed and guilty about your own people, and to let them die out? This is what the world would be like without the creative spark of Edison and Ford and Pasteur and Marconi. No great scientists, or mathematicians, or inventors or fine artists. No Archimedes, no Aristotle, no Socrates, no Alexander, no Renaissance, no Newton, no Kepler, no Goddard, no Mendel, no Tesla, no Faraday, no Guttenberg, no Shakespeare, no Dickens, no Twain, no Mozart, no Beethoven, no Davinci, no Michelangelo, no Galileo, no Copernicus. No Venice, no Paris, no Lisbon, no Madrid, no Zurich, no Berlin, no St. Petersburg, no Budapest, no Rome, no Milan, no Vienna, no London, no New York, no Rio, no Sydney. No orchestras, no museums, no universities, no hospitals, no libraries, no theaters, no radio, no books, no television, no electricity, no refrigeration, no heating, no plumbing, no houses, no steel, no stadiums, no vaccines, no cars, no planes, no trains, no ships, no dentists, no surgeons, no computers, no telephones, and most important - there's no creative genius to be found that could create and sustain such a high level of civilization. There's nothing for the people of this world to build upon. It's just a daily struggle for subsistence. It’s a brutal planet where the few people who aren't mired in eternal ignorance and darkness have reached their peak of civilization and are advancing no further."

Clarence went on to lecture the broken and depressed young man for seven days straight. He covered everything. History, science, economics, philosophy, art, literature, fine music, architecture, medicine, politics, agriculture, religion, and all the creations and contributions that the European peoples had made in every conceivable field of human endeavor. George listened closely to every word. He felt like a man who had been reborn.

After his lecture, Clarence the Angel floated away towards heaven. "I hope you have found all this to be educational, and I hope you have learned an important lesson. Enjoy your world, George!" mocked the departing angel.

George began to sob like a baby. It was the year 2003 and he was alone and hungry in a backwards world where Europeans had never existed. He cried out to the stars: "Please God. I see what a fool I've been. I understand now what my father was trying to tell me. I want to go back to the world that I came from. A world where Europeans not only existed, but blessed the rest of humanity world with their unique creative ability. I want to live in a civilized world. Please God!...take me back!...take me back!...Oh God....please."

Suddenly George was transported back to his college dormitory. Drunk with joy, George jumped into the showers before he could even take his clothes off!

4 comments

Confused?

So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!

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