Jesus loves you, but he will not make sex with you. There is no sex in heaven. You will have to live your eternal life without sex. If you want sex you are a sinner and you will go to hell.
18 comments
Alex Neuenfeld
Has died and discovers it's vice versa: it's hell that has no sex.
Except for rapists who have to relive every rape they committed from the perspective of who they raped.
That's part of what makes it hell.
Sooooo, then how in the name of all that makes sense are we supposed to obey the "multiply" command?
Regardless, thanks for letting us know. *takes a number behind Skide in the line*
Jesus loves you, but he will not make sex with you.
Ah shucks. :-(
I disagree. The Bible says there will be no marriage in heaven. He said nothing about fucking in Heaven. In the Book of Revelation, there are 144,000 Jewish Virgin men surrounding Jesus in Heaven, "serving him" day and night. Now why would Jesus want so many virgin men around him to SERVICE him? That seems awfully specific and a lot like another Islamic Paradise.
That must be the real reason for the Rapture. Jesus needs some fine virgin Jewish manflesh. He's been deprived for 2,000 years.
usachinanukewar may finally get his wish.
If Jesus doesn't want to have sex with me (and I wouldn't want him to, being a straight man and all), couldn't I still have sex with someone else?
...or are you indirectly admitting that you consider are one of those fundies who believe they are the only one who will go to heaven?
You are all his Bride : you therefore know what that means, Al.
Because when Usagichichinukinukiwhore will prove that even your J-boy is a sinner , that's just not only the likes of you fucked: more than literally...!
"make sex with you"? What are you, twelve?
Way to sell Heaven to, well, almost every human that has ever lived, dolt.
Hell's looking better and better, every time people like you open their mouths to describe it...
image
So... when the bible says "be fruitful and multiply," telling people to have lots of children, he was telling them to sin?
Or do you not know how babies are made?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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