World Wide Web: What is it like being a man on a dating site?

World Wide Web: What is it like being a man on a dating site?
Follow-up on What is it like being a woman on a dating site?
32 ANSWERS
Kai Peter Chang
Kai Peter Chang, Thief of Hearts
Updated Jan 3, 2016
Online dating is perfectly symbolized by the very act of sex and fertilization itself: - one egg surrounded by millions of furiously squirming sperm all trying to get in. Nearly every sperm will die trying, with the exception of the lucky one whose combination of attributes (strength & stamina) and starting position happen to connect with the egg.

Great deal for the egg, lousy deal for the individual sperm.

But don't take my word for it.

Someone actually RAN a multi-month experiment on this very subject matter with a spread of fake profiles, male and female of varying levels of physical attractiveness. The results were as expected, but very shocking for those who are unfamiliar with the world of hot women and female hypergamy.

Original Post on the experiment:
http://jonmillward.com/blog/attr...

Sharply-worded commentary by a pickup blog on the results:
http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2...

TL;DR: A man in the top 5 percentile of looks will pull less interest than a Plain Jane middle-of-the-distribution female, and for guys who do NOT cut model-level cheekbones and 6'0+ height, the statistics are far grimmer.

?

Excerpt:

As we can see, the two hottest girls are cleaning up in the attention sweepstakes. The two hottest men get a few bites, but because they are men and have no personal concept of the sheer volume of sexual attention that hot women experience during their brief window of prime fertility, they think they are Kings of Maine.
Handsome Joe: “Hey, Emma, I got eight messages this week! I’m in demand!”
Exquisite Emma: “Oh, uh, hee hee— that’s great Joe!”
Handsome Joe: “How many did you get?”
Exquisite Emma: “128.”
Handsome Joe:

?

...

This is not to say that women don’t care about looks; only that women compartmentalize looks along with other, less physically tangible male characteristics that they are subconsciously attracted to in men. Less facially gifted men with game should be heartened by these online results: they show that a tight email message that exhibits the qualities of the preselected alpha male can draw the interest of cute girls who might otherwise dismiss these men based solely on their photos.

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Andrew Ross Long is correct that a man who desires a nonzero results from dating websites must invest substantial time for even modest replies. The promise that online dating would help you "save time" by helping you connect with thousands of local singles is an illusion, an illusion sold to introverted nerds eager to buy the notion that they can insulate themselves the terrifying task of approaching a woman they find desirable in person and risk rejection.

Any women you may find desirable online is likely bombarded by thousands of other suitors JUST LIKE YOU making similar approaches, and your message sits aside thousands of others like it in her inbox. She cannot date all of them, and it is almost certain you are not the tallest, smartest, funniest or most-accomplished guy who approaches her.

At 6'0 and (I hope) a reasonably well-written profile, including a full spread of photos (with the year they were taken so it's clear I'm not banking on an old perfectly shot image) and here are my stats:
* three to four visitors a week on average
* one or two incoming messages every six months
* historically, 100% of my girlfriend/long-term-dating relationships came from live pulls (met at a mutual friend's party, conference, grocery store, nonprofit fundraiser gala, etc.)

If you are shorter than me (which 95% of men are), have more blandly-written/ boring profile, I imagine you'd get even worse response rates.

Overall conclusion: ROI for men on dating sites is TERRIBLE.

BONUS ADVICE:

For most men, those hours spent browsing profiles and sending witty messages could be far better spent volunteering at a local nonprofit (which skew strongly toward female staff & volunteers anyway). There, you actions will be helping their the local community you live in while meeting other charitably-minded females in a relaxed, non-sexually-charged environment.

Teach a group of underprivileged kids a new skill, organize a blood drive (disclosure: I volunteer at the Red Cross so I am biased), lead a fundraiser on behalf of a battered women's shelter, tutor recent immigrants English so they can seize better opportunities.

Any of these activities puts you in the midst of good, wholesome women and allows introverts to comfortably get to know women as people, not sexual prospects jostling alongside other more aggressive men who see them as mating rivals.

The world needs men who step up and in so doing, you end up on the radar of women who may have never given your dating profile a second glance. but, having seen the good you do with their own eyes, desire you because in her view, you are a MAN who is a caring pillar of the community and a good prospective partner.

A win-win for all, I think. Certainly a far better ROI than messaging women OKCupid who will, statistically, never get back to you.