Your immediate reaction may be: separate seating for men and women is a sure sign of discrimination. That's what my wife and I thought before we became Baal Teshuvas and I'd like to share a different perspective with you.
First off, a quick back story. I walked into a Conservative Shul to say Kaddish for my father's yertzeit and the couple in the row in front of me had an insanely attractive teenage daughter that clearly didn't want to be in Shul. She was texting her friends and was wearing what I can only describe as a micro mini-skirt and a deep W neck sweater. My ability to pray was zero.
Am I a scumbag for being distracted by the girl?
52 comments
Wait, a W-neck shirt? I seem to remember seeing one of those in a comedy video once.
Of course, it would be rather distracting to see an attractive girl wearing one, but that does not excuse your reaction.
Am I a scumbag for being distracted by the girl?
Yes.
The answer is not a separation of men and women. The answer is you learning how to control yourself and your urges. Also, for the love of Haruhi, don't act on those urges .
If she was quiet about it, you could certainly have prayed. If she wasn't, you could have said she's being too loud. None of this even implies that men and women shouldn't be able to sit together at shul.
You must have pretty shitty faith if one girl distracts you from praying. But hey, just like David J. Stewart, you have a man's mind, right, and that excuses you from having to avoid being a creep.
It isn't her responsibility to cover up or go elsewhere so that you aren't 'tempted'. It's your responsibility to conduct yourself as a gentleman.
I am amazed sometimes by Abrahamic religious people. They claim that men are stronger, are better because they were created first and woman was an afterthought, etc., yet can't manage to control themselves when faced with an attractive girl/woman.
Who's the stronger of the two people here: the girl who apparently didn't know you exist or you, who was sitting there losing your mind lusting after her?
Grow up. It's not every woman's job to babysit you.
No, your distraction was an involuntary result of your biological and social conditioning. You need to work on controling the level of distraction you obviously suffer, and that's your responsibility to deal with, but the underlying cause is probably not your fault.
Making the girl responsible for your level of distraction and suggesting she change her behaviour, thus absolving yourself of any responsibility for working on and overcoming your problematic reaction, yeah, that's the thing that makes you a scumbag.
No, you're not a scumbag. You're an idiot for thinking that prayer makes a damn bit of difference anywhere but inside your head.
God wants half a chicken and some nice lamb chops and screw the veggies. Chop-chop! (Genesis 4)
(Yes, this religion scam predates money.)
She was texting her friends and was wearing what I can only describe as a micro mini-skirt and a deep.
I knew Massorti Judaism was a compromise between tradition and modernity but I didn't knew Conservative synagogues allowed for "micro mini-skirt."
My ability to pray was zero.
Am I a scumbag for being distracted by the girl?
If you are so easily distradted from speaking with the God you believe in then you are sexually messed up.
Yes. But you're much more of a scumbag for blaming her and her attire for your being distracted, instead of having the character and integrity to admit that it's your problem, and you need to fix yourself, not her.
scumbag , not neccessarily.
an adult male should accept the girl is yummy, but not for you, and proceed without further interruption.
whats a W neck sweater ?
There is such a thing as appropriate dress for the locale. The girl was not dressed properly for a synagogue. That does not mean that separate seating is not an insult to women. (Sorry about the double negative.) It is. It is also an insult to women that they have no part in leading the services, etc.
You should probably do something about self-control, something active (i.e. not prayer).
"My ability to pray was zero."
So, you are flustered when you feel attracted to someone considered off limits by your culture? Does this mean you cannot pray the gay away, like your fellow religious zealots claim?
If she was wearing a "W-Neck" shirt...judging by that "Funny or Die" skit that FrogFlayer linked to...she wouldn't have been allowed in the synagogue. Heck, she probably would have been arrested for going topless in a house of worship.
She was wearing a V-neck. Your pants are on fire!
And, yes, you are a scumbag if you make a big production out of being attracted to a cute girl to the point of blaming her for her hotness rather than controlling yourself.
Now, a NORMAL religious person would be more concerned with her constant texting.
I'm not even sure this has actually transpired, as there's no way any conservative Jewish place would allow her to wear a miniskirt. My mother worked in an Orthodox Jewish school for a time and the dress-code for the girls firmly dictated "sleeves cover upper arm, skirt reaches down to ankles (knees during summer), shirt covers collarbones".pray, not eye the ladies. If I want to eye the ladies, I do so in a secular place, y'know.tzaddik with ironclad faith?
Am I a scumbag for being distracted by the girl?
Assuming this story has any credibility, which it most probably doesn't, inasmuch as you wanted to have a look at an attractive teenage girl, sure, why not? Perfectly normal there.
But, your ability to pray being reduced to zero only proves that religion is just a game for you, a farce, a mask. If you're distracted so much, then something's wrong with you and your piety, not with the girl.
Your father must really have been foremost on your mind that you forfeited his yahrzeit for drooling over a texting teenager.
Why the goofy question? Why the monumental outpouring of self-righteousness in the responses? For starters, the girl was dressed inappropriately for the occasion. One would hope her parents would know this even if she doesn't. The other consideration: the guys says he was distracted, not that he was planning to assault her. How is this reaction abnormal? (The texting was out of place, too, but that's another issue.)
Well, yeah, but the real scumbaggery is in blaming her for it and thinking that she should move somewhere else. You have the problem, you move. It's that simple.
The 'W' us about the only thing that makes sense though it seems more like an affectation in this case. A few languages simply don't have the letter 'v' using a 'w' instead...several of those areas have, or had, larger Jewish population...and I believe Yiddish as well is one of these.
That being said...the dude is a tool and yes, a self proclaimed scum-bag. Too bad he really doesn't think he is.
No, you're not a scumbag for being distracted. You're an scumbag for think that reason for sexist segregation.
You might also be an infidel, depending on how one defines the word
@ #1800404
"....I go to the synagogue to pray, not eye the ladies."
Oy Vey! You need to get you priorities straight.
Regards & all,
Thomas L. Nielsen
@Old Viking
@Lauge
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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