On Tuesday, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes!!! But not right away. The words left my mouth and hit a wall of shocked silence. Her eyes transfixed mine as I tried to read what was going on behind them. My knee began to ache. The adrenaline from asking was still in overproduction. It was one of those pauses where you could almost feel the infinite potential of your life collapsing into one certainty from finally making just one choice.

Later that night, I was replaying the scene in my mind. Out of nowhere, I started recalling that scene from The Neverending Story where Atrayu confronts the Sphinxes, and its meaning was suddenly crystal clear. The Sphinxes, with their buxom figure and wings and their pastime of dispatching mediocre men, are the Spirit of the Feminine, Nature, That-Which-Selects. They are what judges what is worthy to continue existing from what is unworthy. Theirs are the discriminating eyes that penetrate a man's heart underneath his cultivated facade and freezes him in their judgement of his insufficiency, the eyes that have rejected billions of lame attempts at seduction and winning favor. They are also at the threshold of every major decision and life transition involving the evaluation of one's worth: applying to college, interviewing for a job, publishing a book, proposing for marriage. They are the gatekeepers of novelty and creativity that paralyze the artist and revolutionary alike with the self-consciousness of the insufficiency of their works before they are even created.

The meaning of the heroes' failures, and Atrayu's successful passage, is this: no matter how strong you become, no matter how knowledgeable, no matter how wise or holy, Nature will always find you insufficient in her eyes, unworthy of continuing your pursuit. You cannot rely on your own virtue, or on your mastery over Her with technology and culture. You can never become enough to become worthy of your goal, and as such, your confidence will always fail you. That is why you just have to bolt straight for it, and don't look back.

That was what I saw in my girlfriend's eyes, the eyes of the Sphix, looking into my soul, trying to decide if I was worthy. But I didn't ask because I was sure she would say yes. I crossed my fingers and bolted, and heaved a sigh of relief when I found myself on the other side of that narrow gate.