[Video transcript]
I know an exorcist who, during one of the exorcisms, the demon said ‘if you just leave me alone, I’ll give you a truckload of Mountain Dew to be delivered to your house’ because he had a big fondness for Mountain Dew. And they’ll do that. The next thing, out of the blue, somebody shows up and says ‘yeah, somebody paid for this, you’ve got a truckload of Mountain Dew’. They try to appeal to your weaknesses.
11 comments
Well, there is a legend about a lake in Germany that is similar to this, only about fish.
Once upon a time, the new abbot of a nearby monastry was originally from Italy. He was a good and pious man, but he had one weakness: His love for the whitefish of his mediterranean homeland, which was not available in Germany. At one point, the Devil decided to abuse this craving in an attempt for the abbot’s soul (it is the virtuous that the Devil wants to make pacts with - after all, the wicked are already his): In a moment of weakness, he talked the abbot into agreeing that, if the Devil can bring him whitefish before - as always - the first cry of the rooster, his soul would be damned.
Thing is, whitefish are actually native to the region. It seems that, at some point, someone mixed up whitefish (German Ma ränen) with murray eels (German Mo ränen).
OK, that's actually kind of funny. A demon bribing an exorcist with Mountain Dew....LOL! Personally, I'd hold out for something more than a truckload of my favorite soft drink, though.
…I don’t know what to say to this. I’m literally stifling so much laughter it hurts. What is this? Is that the best the demons can do? “Let me do demon-stuff to this guy, and you can have all the delicious hillbilly hipster sweat and Lemon Pledge you can swallow?” And you’re afraid of them? What next, did he try to bribe you with a back massage and a free ticket to a Styx concert? There’s an SNL sketch in there somewhere, maybe with Jon Lovitz playing Incompetent Satan or something.
Tell ya what Chadburger, if your imaginary friend ever runs into anymore demons offering him, like, RC Cola or Faygo or something, call up Max von Sydow, he’ll settle that shit. Either by being a better exorcist, or being a better demon, he’s done both.
No Chad, you are the demons.
And then he was not only a zombie ripper-ed, but torn-ed of his small guts by the Doom Slayer in "DOOM Eternal".
“I’ll give you a truckload of Mountain Dew to be delivered to your house”
Uh huh, but isn’t the offer supposed to be attractive to the perspective contractee?
I you parked a truckload of MD on my lawn and started pumping it in, I’d go get my gun…
Well, I remember reading somewhere that during a police interrogation putting a visible Coca-cola can on the table may add psychological pressure. :D Maybe it was at the table of demons!
But more importantly, did his head spin 360 degrees?
Confused?
So were we! You can find all of this, and more, on Fundies Say the Darndest Things!
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