The Root of the Desire for a Heterosexual Relationship

From the outset, we should establish that the normal desire of a man for a woman, and a woman for a man, does not derive from evil as Catholic Christianity believes — which is why they impose lifetime celibacy upon their priests and popes — but from a person’s desire to find completion. The Talmud informs us (Yevamot 63a) that an unmarried person is not a whole person, as the verse says, “He created them male and female… and called their name Adam.” (Gen. 5:2)

The implication is that both together are called “a man”. A complete human being is a person composed of two parts, one part male and the other part female. It is normal that each half seeks to complete what he/she is missing in his/herself. Each needs the other to complete him in many areas of life — and only when together, can they experience domestic harmony. The Zohar takes this one step further and says that there is no such thing as a female soul or a male soul, but one soul composed of two parts, the male part and the female part.

As with any vital and powerful drive, a person has the ability to choose whether to use this power of attraction to the opposite sex in a positive way — through marriage and by keeping family purity laws, or negatively — by not marrying and /or not keeping the family purity laws.

Causes for Natural Dispositions

With this background, we can better understand, from a spiritual viewpoint, why some men tend to be attracted to their own kind. Without going into the question of whether this tendency is inherited or acquired, some wrongly view these people are inherently bad. Usually these types of men have a certain docility which causes them to incline to their own kind.

They do not want to marry a woman. They do not feel like most men that the women they are living with is their second half who will help them achieve completion. They subconsciously feel that they lack masculinity, and need another man to supplement their masculinity. Once such a person understands that his natural docility is at the root of his problem, it will be easier for him to find a solution.

First, he has to convince himself that he is in fact a man in every respect, other than his docility. Every day he should mull it over in his mind, especially when his inclination bothers him, until he is convinced of it, and develops a sense of disgust towards forming an unhealthy bond with other men. He should bolster his attitude by considering that all those who indulged in their tendency in their youth, generally found themselves at the age of forty and older shunned by the society among whom they lived (as can be self-understood). They spent the rest of their lives without children, without a family, and without joy of life. The pleasure and satisfaction which they exhibited when they were young gave way to deep pain as they got older.